Video: Man Jumps White House Fence, Kicks Secret Service Dog

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I’m thinking America will show more concern for the dog’s safety than the president’s. And that lil’ punk ass dog needs to be fired. He took a shoe to the head and ran the opposite way like Mike Vick wanted to talk to him about a new and exciting opportunity to test his physical limits.

-Dewan Gibson

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The Influence Of Ca$$ius The Wild Meerkat (et al.)

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Grandma Babysitter is on vacation so I’m home with the infant and two toddlers every day for the next two weeks or so. There’s rarely a down moment, mostly due to the middle child, Ca$$ius The Wild Meerkat (pictured above). He’s the best fighter of the group, sleep deprived, and if you even look at him wrong he’ll ride on you. So I spend a lot of my time breaking up fights and putting him in a full nelson. No A.P., though I can see the Denzel throat chop as a possibility in his teen years.

I’m also earning actual legal income by managing a Proposition 47 (reclassifies nonviolent felonies to misdemeanors so otherwise good folks don’t get booty warrior’d in prison) phone bank in the evenings and signing up folks for Obamacare, though the State seems to think I do that shit for free because they have yet to send a check. Oh yeah, I’m planning my wedding, which pretty much just includes repeating “Yeah, sounds good,” but still…

Anyhow, that’s why my blog posts have been few and far in between. (Except for Mandy Kay posts. If Mandy Kay’s ass even twitches on Instagram, Twitter, or YouTube you can expect to see it here.) But as of today I’ve vowed to do a better job of ignoring my family so I can post more often. I’m also just about done with a long-long story about the foolish cross-country road trip we took with the kids a few months ago. Hopefully one of the melanin-deficient parenting blogs will run it, though I’ll also post it here regardless.

So to the few people who read this blog, thanks. More coming soon, like today.

-Dewan Gibson

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Boxer Beats Down Referee, Gets Yoked Out The Ring

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Ironically enough, the winner didn’t want any part of the loser. As soon as the referee took the first crushing blow the guy in blue ran off like someone just shot the place up. You figure if you just beat the punk you could at least restrain him from Worldstaring the ref. (Deadspin)

Referee getting knocked out in the European championships

A video posted by muhammad ali (@m.ali_96) on


-Dewan Gibson

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The Bowl Cut Is The White Version Of The Jheri Curl

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Really similar. I’ve learned while living in sin with my whooty. Their bowl cut is our Jheri curl, just as their “supper” is our dinner.

-Dewan Gibson

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Injured Football Player Earns Salary By Talking Sh*t

darnell-dockett

Other than the whoopin’ Peyton put on the 49ers, which was a small act of revenge for January 28, 1990, this was the best moment from Sunday’s games. But back to the Broncos…as I eloquently tweeted last night, “The NFL needs to repossess one of the 49ers five Lombardi trophies and let Peyton have it for the rest of the year.” As for my Browns? We do not speak of them today.

-Dewan Gibson

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New Fat Joe & J. Lo Song Proves Puerto Ricans Are So 2001

fatjoe

Hey, everybody wanted to be Puerto Rican in the early 2000s. I even thought about buying a mesh shirt, gold choker chain, and clip-on rat tail to take up stickball. Those days are long gone. I blame J. Lo, after she donated all that ass to white women interest in the islanders waned.

-Dewan Gibson

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Nicely Racked Topless Activists Continue To Protest Putin

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What if Putin’s just causing all of this global unrest so he can have topless young women follow him throughout the world?

-Dewan Gibson

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Lil’ Sisqo Dragon Has A New Song About Lips

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Sisqo may very well be singing to Raz B, but if you like traditional R&B that you can body roll to this is for you.

-Dewan Gibson

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Teenage Mutant Negro Turtle Robs Convenience Store

lacorrion

Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Raphael, Donatello, and…Lacorrion. We have to see how this story holds up, it could just be some kind of weird promotion for the new Ninja Turtles movie. Hey, they did have Juicy J do the soundtrack. From TPM:

A Louisiana teen is behind bars after police say he donned a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle mask and used a stick wrapped in plastic to rob a convenience store Thursday morning.

Lafayette police say 18-year-old Lacorrion Detron Turner is charged with first-degree robbery. Police say he was able to force his way behind the counter with the stick. He then tried — and failed — to open the register.

Police say Turner fled on foot after taking two wallets from underneath the counter.

-Dewan Gibson

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Erykah Badu Goes Undercover As Street Performer, Earns $3

Erykah-Badu.thick

I’ve seen Badu in concert and her voice is a lot better than this. She’s pretty much just screaming in people’s ears, like the struggle gospel singers on Apollo whom people don’t boo because they think God would really care. Hopefully whatever new fake deep rapper is out came along to reimburse her for her time.

-Dewan Gibson

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