Return of Cornholio: Beavis & Butthead Bust Sells For $14,000
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News
Man, that’s crazy! You could buy a new car, or plenty of “TP for Beavis’ bunghole.” How long before some freak comes along and offers to pay double for an anatomically correct Beavis and Butthead doll?
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
iPads Are The New Blood Diamonds
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News, Technology
Apple just got a lot less hip. The New York Times is reporting harsh conditions, large numbers of underage workers and death by explosion at various Chinese factories that manufacture iPads and other Apple products:
Two people were killed immediately, and over a dozen others hurt. As the injured were rushed into ambulances, one in particular stood out. His features had been smeared by the blast, scrubbed by heat and violence until a mat of red and black had replaced his mouth and nose. NYT; 1/26/12
I’d say this calls for a boycott, except I haven’t heard of an American technology manufacturer that isn’t shipping jobs overseas and getting filthy rich from cheap Chinese labor. Still, you won’t catch me lined up for an Apple product that does nothing different than my $200 netbook (except make me look cool as I work on a screenplay while wearing a fedora at a Starbucks in a gentrified part of town).
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
A Biography of the Biggest Butt in Brazil (Safe For Work)
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Dewan's Top Models
At this point in my life I’m more interested in exploring big butts from a sociological perspective (as opposed to a culinary). This documentary, courtesy of Vice Magazine, traces the development of a supreme donk from obscurity to national fame in Brazil. What’s most compelling and worthy of further study is: 1) The amount of upkeep this ass takes; 2) The influence that this hellafied boo-tay has on women who are blessed in a similar manner, yet lack the confidence to shake “what ya mama gave ya” and/or “bounce that ass, bounce that ass.” Feel free to add your thoughts in the comments section.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Liam Neeson Considers Becoming A Muslim
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News
Liam Neeson, the actor with the Batman voice who will get up in your ass if you kidnap his family, is thinking of becoming a Muslim. After filming in Turkey, Neeson told a British newspaper: “The call to prayer happens five times a day, and for the first week, it drives you crazy, and then it just gets into your spirit, and it’s the most beautiful, beautiful thing… There are 4,000 mosques in the city. Some are just stunning, and it really makes me think about becoming a Muslim.” I’m sure Brian Muhammad (below) and others are happy to hear that. Wait…are those guys selling bean pies at the corner of Crenshaw and Slauson even official?
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Chances Are You’re Like Me, Just Average…And That’s OK
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Babies, Short Stories
You can do anything you want as long as you can accept being average at it. In elementary school I believed in the fallacy of hard work and spent hours and hours trying to perfect my chess game. The school tournament came around and I lost in the first round in less than two minutes to Fat Terry, who had been taught a secret Hindu chess move from the school genius, Munir. To make matters worse my dad scolded me with, “How the hell you lose to Terry’s fat ass?” Because I was just an average chess player, Dad!
The disappointment continued in middle school. I practiced basketball for hours, even in the snow, and still got cut from the team. Luckily a Jheri-curled teacher, Mr. Hinesmiller, also believed in the fallacy of hard work and added me to the “C Team” with other kids who lacked natural athletic talent. We played our first and only game against Solomon Schechter, a school for Jewish kids whose parents didn’t want them interacting with black children, and lost by two points. Two points that I gave them by shooting the ball in the wrong hoop.
High school was a little better. I made the freshman basketball team and scored a couple points my first season. I practiced eight hours a day the following summer and believed I had a chance to be a star. But my sophomore year I got cut from junior varsity and cried like I’m doing now as I reminisce. The next year I transferred to a school in the hood, after my family moved three blocks away from the hood. I learned to play spades in class and took my first trip to the projects. I also made the varsity basketball team and sat the bench. More importantly, I got a handy (not from a teammate). That was great, but the look in the girl’s eyes made me think I was average in the meat department.
In college I got average grades in the easy major. Same for grad school. I then got a mid-level management job at a clinic, where I did just enough work to get my average pay. I left to pursue a writing career and released a book that based on the sales, was average. I traveled a bit and then got another job, but like any ol’ average brotha I was the last-one-hired-first-one-fired. Now I’m working various hustles to avoid being your average worker bee.
In this I’ve learned there’s one area in which I can exceed average-dome: fatherhood. With a little hard work, luck (i.e. not dying) and if only because my son has no one to compare me to, I can be a great father. He knows I’m the guy who grabs him from the crib at 2:15 a.m. and connects him with Mom’s titty, and the guy who plays with him a few hours later, and the guy whose bony shoulder he rests on at noon. So to him I’m great, and therefore, for the first time in my life, un-average.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Too Short & E-40 Are Never Too Old For New Tail
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Hip-Hop
There’s a good chance you’ll hear this at the club about “fifty-eleven” times. When it’s played some helfa will kick off her shoes and dance like a stripper, for free. Stay away from her even if you’re wearing a latex bodysuit. There’s not a good woman in the world who will do that.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Dad Freestyles To Fetal Heart Monitor While In Delivery Room
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, Why I Luv My People
I guess this is the antithesis of the Maury dance, and that’s a good thing. Ain’t nothing like black love, though I wouldn’t understand since I sold out last year. Now I don’t know what channel BET is on and no longer get invited to “Grown & Sexy” parties. Anyway, this guy can flow. “Dilated…cervix/What you doin’?/Servin…babies.” This is as good as the song Jay-Z made for Blue Ivy, but you can’t hear secret Illuminati chants when it’s played backwards.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Tennessee Declares War On New York, Has Speed Guns
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News, Politics
A Tennessee medical student lacking common sense was arrested when she tried to check her gun at New York City’s 9/11 Memorial in December. Now, like Lil’ Wayne, Plaxico “Can’t Get Right” Burress and Ja Rule she’s facing serious time under New York’s strict gun laws. Some of her fellow Tennesseans, who tend to favor states’ rights when they stop “mens from marryin’ mens” but not when it’s otherwise disadvantageous to their political beliefs, are coming to her defense.
Tennessee legislator Frank Niceley introduced a resolution that specifically reminds New Yorkers to ”drive carefully through the great state of Tennessee, paying extra attention to our speed limits.” The veiled threat to target New Yorkers with traffic tickets comes up for vote next week, provided legislators safely return from the Civil War (reenactment) battlefield.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
San Diego Man Gets Three DUIs In Five Days
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News
The rule is simple: When drunk, don’t drive. Call a cab, or dial 911 to see if the police can drive you to the after-party. But some folks, like 44-year-old David Lakarnafeaux, never learn. He was arrested for suspected drunken driving three times over the past five days. The final arrest was around 6:30 a.m. Sunday after police were notified of a reckless driver in Imperial Beach, San Diego. Police arrived and learned the driver, Lakarnafeaux, had went into a bar. They ran his info and found he had been arrested on the same charges the previous Tuesday and Thursday. No word on why the bar was open at 6:30 a.m., but I’m willing to bet it’s within walking distance of a 24 hour massage parlor with a backdoor entrance and mandatory $20 tip.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
President Obama Has A History Of Singing Baby-Making Songs
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, Politics
Video of President Obama singing Al Green went viral today, but it turns out he’s been crooning in public since at least 2007. Let’s hope he’s not singing “It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye” come November. By the way, check out his black-cent before singing Dionne Warwick. Dude said “Earth, Wind and Fi-yah.” White folks, that’s how we talk in safe zones.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
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