T-Pain Sings Live Without AutoTune, Has Voice Of Extra Black Jesus

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NPR put our tax dollars to good use and invited T-Pain, aka Mr. Teddy Bend-her-ass, to sing live on their “Tiny Desk” concert series. Man, I haven’t heard a voice like this since those boys sang “Fair Eastside High” in their high school bathroom.

-Dewan Gibson

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Man Arrested On Weed Charges Claims To Be Denzel

justin.seay

Even though he’s 38 years younger and looks nothing like Denzel Washington, you have to try any and everything when you’re busted while on probation. Dude should have said John Legend on account of his hairline. From Daily News Journal:

A 21-year-old man was arrested after he told police he was Denzel Washington after marijuana was found at an apartment he was at late Monday night…

Additional officers were called to the scene and performed a sweep of the apartment. They found several bags of marijuana outside an open bedroom window with a missing screen, the report said.

Officers identified all people in the apartment, except for Justin Lee Seay, 21, of Memphis who told police he was Washington, the Academy Award-winning actor.

Police later identified Seay and arrested him on charges of felony drug possession, criminal impersonation and violation of probation.

-Dewan Gibson

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DJ Premier & Twerking Meteorologist On GGN News

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Snoop and Premier discuss old times and future plans, but a thunderclapping “meteorologist” steals the show. Again.

-Dewan Gibson

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Tens Of FEMEN Activists Run Topless From Police In Paris

femen-paris

This is like the activist version of those undie runs that take place at various universities, which considering the cost of higher education are the only reason to go to college. Fast forward to the 0:05 mark for a prime example of police ineptitude.

-Dewan Gibson

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Possible Whooty Arrested For Stealing Deep Throat Desensitizing Spray

karlafarmer

I think I’ve see her on Byron Crawford’s Secret Searchlights or an episode of Wild Teens That Maury Wants To Smash. FromThe Smoking Gun:

This week’s most embarrassing shoplifting arrest comes from South Carolina, where police yesterday nabbed an 18-year-old woman for stealing Rock Hard erection cream, handcuffs, and Deep Throat desensitizing spray from a mall store.

Karla Farmer first swiped the cream and spray from the “love unit” of a Spencer’s store, according to a police report. After exiting the business, she returned a few minutes later to nick the handcuffs, investigators allege.

Mall security subsequently detained Farmer and handcuffed the teenager when she fought with them and tried to flee.

-Dewan Gibson

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Probably The Most Delicious Recipe Since Tossed Salad

rns-soup

If this continues I might have a career change and become a TV chef who goes on to open up sorry, overpriced restaurants in popular tourist destinations throughout the country.

It’s like 80 outside, but I made tomato chicken carcass soup for lunch. Boil a devoured whole chicken (remove gristle if serving whites or Lightskins), add water, roma tomatoes, mushrooms, avocado, and onions. Feed it to the family for five days straight.

A photo posted by @dewangibson on

-Dewan Gibson

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Grown Ass Man Teaches Drunk Clippers Fan A Lesson

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According to the fan who uploaded the video, the bro in the checkered shirt was drunk and showing off his ass crack. The cool L.A.  dad with the Simon Cowell shirt got fed up and clocked the guy in the dome a few times. (Deadspin)

-Dewan Gibson

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The Trailer Park Boys On Snoop’s GGN News

trailer-park-boys

I had never heard of the Trailer Park Boys, figured the guy in the glasses was really short bus, and don’t really dig when comedians stay in character (i.e. Colbert), but their humor goes well with Snoop’s shtick.

-Dewan Gibson

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Video: Man Jumps White House Fence, Kicks Secret Service Dog

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I’m thinking America will show more concern for the dog’s safety than the president’s. And that lil’ punk ass dog needs to be fired. He took a shoe to the head and ran the opposite way like Mike Vick wanted to talk to him about a new and exciting opportunity to test his physical limits.

-Dewan Gibson

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The Influence Of Ca$$ius The Wild Meerkat (et al.)

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Grandma Babysitter is on vacation so I’m home with the infant and two toddlers every day for the next two weeks or so. There’s rarely a down moment, mostly due to the middle child, Ca$$ius The Wild Meerkat (pictured above). He’s the best fighter of the group, sleep deprived, and if you even look at him wrong he’ll ride on you. So I spend a lot of my time breaking up fights and putting him in a full nelson. No A.P., though I can see the Denzel throat chop as a possibility in his teen years.

I’m also earning actual legal income by managing a Proposition 47 (reclassifies nonviolent felonies to misdemeanors so otherwise good folks don’t get booty warrior’d in prison) phone bank in the evenings and signing up folks for Obamacare, though the State seems to think I do that shit for free because they have yet to send a check. Oh yeah, I’m planning my wedding, which pretty much just includes repeating “Yeah, sounds good,” but still…

Anyhow, that’s why my blog posts have been few and far in between. (Except for Mandy Kay posts. If Mandy Kay’s ass even twitches on Instagram, Twitter, or YouTube you can expect to see it here.) But as of today I’ve vowed to do a better job of ignoring my family so I can post more often. I’m also just about done with a long-long story about the foolish cross-country road trip we took with the kids a few months ago. Hopefully one of the melanin-deficient parenting blogs will run it, though I’ll also post it here regardless.

So to the few people who read this blog, thanks. More coming soon, like today.

-Dewan Gibson

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