The NBA’s Best & Worst of 2011
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, Sports
Here are the NBA awards commissioner David Stern and other league executives don’t want you to know about. Why? I don’t know; I just said that shit to make this post sound important. The award categories range from worst tattoos to best line-up, and a few categories in between. Let’s go!
BEST LINE-UP: Russell Westbrook of the Oklahoma City Thunder has the league’s best line-up, hands down. Shit looks it was commissioned by Black Jesus and painted by Jean-Michel Basquiat. The line-up is accentuated by Westbrook’s freakishly strong facial features. His cheekbones can get erections and his jawline suffers from a permanent priapism (no Amaechi). But the questions remains, how the hell does he get that line-up in Oklahoma City of all places?
WORST TATTOOS: This award has to go to Denver Nugget Kenyon Martin. In short, he got pussy-whipped by rap star Trina and got (her) lips tatted on his neck. Fans, opposing players and even teammates ridiculed him to no end. Word on the make believe street is that a teammate cock-smacked his neck as he was sleeping on a team plane. This led Martin to replace the lips with a crown, with the thinking that a cock smack is less likely to happen if you don’t have juicy DSL lips tatted on your neck. For good measure he got a barcode tatted on the back of his neck. Interestingly enough, scanning the barcode with an i-Phone reveals the cost of Martin’s self-worth and dignity.
BEST ACCIDENTAL MALE MODEL: Give me nipple, Derrick! Give me nipple! Ah! You fuckin’ tease!
BIGGEST SURPRISE: Who would have thought The Great LeBron James would develop a fadeaway hairline before a fadeaway jumper? Somebody better grease that nigga’s baby hair with Rogaine!
GREAT WHITE HOPE: The NBA has been yearning for a Great White Hope since Larry Bird left the league. Until they get one the league mandates that announcers complement white players on their intelligence and hard work, while describing black players as “incredible athletes.” German born Dallas Mavericks’ forward Dirk Nowitzki has been a Great White Hope contender for years, but until 2011 his lack of a championship and the near tainting of his perfect Aryan bloodline by a black stripper/con-woman ruined his opportunity. So by default the regular season award goes to Blake Griffin of the Los Angeles Clippers. Though he’s only as white as President Obama is black, he’ll have to do for now. Word on the make believe street is that the NBA is requiring Griffin take white speech lessons from TNT announcer Reggie Miller.
BEST CHEERLEADERS: Ok, ok. The women pictured below are not actually NBA cheerleaders, but they should be. Besides, this post contained much more homo-eroticism than expected and NBA players not named John Amaechi don’t play that shit. Well, publicly at least. Enjoy.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
8 Responses to “The NBA’s Best & Worst of 2011”
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Darnell Says:
April 18th, 2011 at 8:33 amHilarious. Blake probably f’d them all lol
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Steve Wills Says:
April 18th, 2011 at 5:49 pmWait…Blake’s half black?
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shattered dreams Says:
April 18th, 2011 at 11:05 pmyou love to continue shattering my dreams.. there isn’t such a thing as an ass that perfect! why torture us!?
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Clarissa Velez Says:
April 19th, 2011 at 3:51 pmHad to add some freakiness huh? lol
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Dewan Says:
April 20th, 2011 at 4:03 amYeah it’s fake, but sometimes you have to run with the illusion!
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ndygo sunshyne Says:
April 20th, 2011 at 1:25 pmYou know what….
Never mind. I’m just glad you’re current again!! -
Dewan Gibson Says:
April 21st, 2011 at 7:16 amThanks for coming back, Ndygo:) Spread the word and consider posting a swimsuit pic every now and then.
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NBA Cheerleaders Says:
April 22nd, 2011 at 11:48 amI have been reading out many of your posts and i must say pretty nice stuff. I will surely bookmark your blog.
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