Denzel Washington Taught Me How To Fight
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor
There was a time when I only knew how to fight one way: put my head down and swing wildly while yelling, “You’re not the boss of me!” This strategy commonly referred to as “I don’t know karate, but I know crazy!” proved more embarrassing than successful and as of yesterday is officially retired.
I’ve now added a singular debilitating move to my nearly empty arsenal, the Denzel Washington throat chop. The Black Jesus of acting has done it in at least three movies with a 100 percent success rate. The strategy is simple: Feign inattention while your opponent berates you. Suddenly strike him (or her, if it’s a girl in the club who doesn’t give you her number) in the throat with an open and pointed hand. As the victim bends over unable to breathe and feeling like death is a-coming, taunt him with lines like “Huh? I can’t hear you…so who’s the bitch now?” When he falls down steal his wallet and use his credit cards for gas since you only need to know his zip code if you pay at the pump.
I made a Youtube video with clips of Denzel’s best throat chops, just in case you also want to learn this technique. Unfortunately punk ass NBC Universal (talk about people that need a throat chop…) doesn’t allow their material to be embedded outside of Youtube. So you’ll need to go there to view.
If you decide to implement Denzel’s secret technique you have to be careful. A powerful throat chop can result in a crushed trachea, which could result in you going to prison for a long time. Like Denzel did in Hurricane. I bet he still bears the scars of that unjust experience. Keep your head up, Denzel.
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2 Responses to “Denzel Washington Taught Me How To Fight”
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Chris m Says:
February 16th, 2012 at 10:35 ammaybe it is just me, but I feel like Denzel has played either the detective, rogue detective, or former detective in like 40 films now
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Dihan Says:
February 16th, 2012 at 10:35 am#throatchopNBC
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