Lorax Stolen From Dr. Seuss’ Wife; Mitt Romney A Suspect?

Audrey Geisel, widow of Dr. Seuss, lives in La Jolla, California–a northern San Diego coastal community that recently had the highest average home prices in the nation. It’s also a hotbed of petty crime, mostly rich kids snorting blow and swaking in its scenic caves.

Over the weekend a Lorax statue valued at over $10,000 was stolen from Geisel’s home, just days before security cameras were to be installed on the property. Footprints indicate that the 300-pound statue was lifted over the garden’s fence. My feeling is that Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney took it. Here’s why:

-At the time the Lorax went missing Romney was in the area to raise money and check on the $12 million car elevator expansion of his home right down the street from Ms. Geisel.

-Republicans members of Congress have expressed concern that the Lorax is liberal propaganda that encourages children to do evil things like care for the environment and understand the difference between a breath of fresh soot and a breath of fresh air. They are out for the Lorax’s head, literally.

-Mitt Romney is concerned that the Republican base will not vote for him if he believes in science. Hence his changing statements on climate change. In August 2011 he said this, “I think the earth is getting warmer . . . I think humans contribute to that. I don’t know by how much. It could be a little. It could be a lot.” Two months later, while seeking donations from energy executives, Romney said, “My view is that we don’t know what’s causing climate change on this planet. And the idea of spending trillions and trillions of dollars to try to reduce CO2 emissions is not the right course for us.” His campaign then issued a sarcastic statement that read, “Governor Romney has been consistent in his statements on global warming.”

Bringing the Lorax’s head to the Republican National Convention in August is the only way Romney can ensure he has the support of the anti-cartoon, anti-science, anti-women, anti-smile, anti-minority, anti-healthcare, anti-pro base. There you have it, motive and opportunity.

Until I get to the bottom of the case, I pray (like republicans!) for a safe return of the Lorax. Lark Grey Dimond-Cates said of the missing creature:

“I want very badly to get our little Lorax back home where he belongs, wherever he is, he’s scared, lonely and hungry. He’s not just a hunk of metal to us. He was a family pet.” (San Diego Union Tribune, 3/27/12)

Just ask Seamus the Dog how Mitt Romney treats family pets.

Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog

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