The Santorum Shield: Condoms Inspired By Senator Rick

In creating a condom in honor of Senator Rick Santorum I aimed to capture the characteristics that make him the best candidate to lead our theocracy: strength and the ability to protect real Americans from froth.

The Santorum Shield is the protection you need during those sinful nights that leave you naked (except for a sweater vest) and lustful. Most importantly, the Santorum Shield is much more effective at preventing STDs and unplanned pregnancies than putting aspirin between your knees. Unfortunately, it’s also far less oppressive towards women.

For only $3.00 you can decrease your chances of fathering a snob, also known as a child that wants to earn a college degree and obtain a job that doesn’t cause black lung.

Bottom line, if you love your loins as much as you love America, buy the Santorum Shield today!

NOTE: This product was not tested on animals, or on humans having sex with animals. Product ships free of charge and will arrive in one week. Yes, it is an actual condom. 

Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog

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4 Responses to “The Santorum Shield: Condoms Inspired By Senator Rick”

  1. Rondo is the Best PG Says:
    March 6th, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    LOL My nig…

  2. heubler Says:
    March 7th, 2012 at 5:42 am

    Since they aren’t “ribbed , for her pleasure,” perhaps imprinting with bible verses, so she’ll have something to focus on during procreation. I’ve got a few in mind.

  3. Eric Arthur Blair Says:
    March 7th, 2012 at 7:54 am

    Seeing that face on the rubber wrapper would leave me limp for weeks.

  4. Emmery Myers Says:
    March 7th, 2012 at 8:17 am

    Not me. Santorum for all his horribleness is pretty handsome. No Homo.

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