Relax! The Chaos Over The Jordans (Kind Of) Makes Sense
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Social Comm
In the 1980s people would kill for a Starter jacket. Now we push and shove for Air Jordans. Shit, that’s progress. This is capitalism at work. It costs about $20 to make a pair of Nike sneakers; including equipment, labor, shipping and taxes (Nike’s factory workers are often paid less than $150 per month). Retailers pay double the price of production and then markup the price another 100 percent for sale to consumers. Consumers that are lucky enough to get their hands on an in demand sneaker like the Jordan Concords can markup the price another 200 percent if they want to sell. Ethics aside, as is often the case in capitalism, that was actually an unbelievable return on investment for sale made available to people without access to hedge funds. Push and shove away.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
There’s Still A ‘Whites Only’ Pool In Ohio
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News, Social Comm
Jamie Hein, a white landlord in Cincinnati, posted a sign at her duplex’s pool that read “Public Swimming Pool, White Only.” Not only was it bad grammar, but the Ohio Civil Rights Commission ruled it to be in violation of the Ohio Civil Rights Act. Hein’s defense was that a black girl in the duplex had chemicals in her hair that would make the pool “cloudy.”
I’ve had friends with Jheri curls, S-Curls and wet sets (Or should I say “have?” I still know a couple people in the post-activation-not-sure-if-I-should-still-be-this-juicy gray area). I’ve also used copious amounts of Luster’s Pink Moisturizer and maybe I touched up my baby hair with Just For Me No Lye Gentle Relaxer during a down point in my life. But I’ve never experienced a hair chemical that could defeat chlorine. Besides, chances are the black girl had no intention of getting her hair wet anyway. Not to mention the number of chemicals white folks use in their hair: gels, sprays…Jersey Shore pomade!
Hein has appealed the ruling and will have her day in court.
UPDATE; JANUARY 12: The Ohio Civil Rights Commission voted 4-0 against reconsidering its ruling that the sign violated the Ohio Civil Rights Act.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Anderson Cooper Rips Bishop Eddie Long A New One
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News, Social Comm
It’s kind of sad to witness Bishop Eddie’s fall from grace, especially when you see the toll it’s taken on his S-curl. What’s more sad is that his barely legal victims can still smell his cologne. (Maybe he was wearing CK-One?) Even worse off, his wife. Just imagine the embarrassment and guilt she feels for not realizing that Lycra body shirts usually mean “he’s just not that into you,” or any other woman. I can’t believe folks are still going to his church. We are a forgiving people. Unless you cross President Obama. We don’t play that sh*t.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
The Millionaire Welfare Queen (And King)
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News, Social Comm
I tell children who display criminal tendencies (like cheating in video games or stealing their parent’s weed) that crime doesn’t pay unless it’s white collar. And in this case it paid handsomely. A Seattle doctor and his wife bilked the welfare system out of over $100,000 with a simple scheme; the wife pretended she was single and low-income to get Section 8 housing assistance and cash welfare to care for her two children. Turns out her landlord was also her husband and both lived in a $1.2 million dollar house (pictured above). She also received additional funds from Social Security, though it’s unclear if she actually had a little arm like the guy from Three Six Mafia.
The plan worked because the wife used her maiden name and the husband used his office’s address as his home. Well, it worked until he slipped up and put their correct address on a passport application, prior to one of the at least six international trips they took in the past eight years. I imagine you won’t see this story go viral like the black lady with 15 kids who wanted a handout.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Shoot The Bully, Not Yourself
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, News, Social Comm
When I was in school I learned the best way to deal with bullies was to show my bravery, by telling my older brother. If that didn’t work I’d use my girl fight technique: put my head down, swing wildly while yelling “you’re not the boss of me” and hope the teacher soon stopped the fight. But bullying has changed over the years. With the internet harassment is often nonstop, even driving some kids to suicide.
If it were up to me I’d create a “Shoot The Bully, Not Yourself” campaign, though I imagine such an initiative would only be popular in a blood hungry state like Texas. Outside of that I have two other proposed solutions. One, encourage bullied kids to focus on their studies and get revenge years later when they’re successful and the bullies are employed as recently paroled cart guys and gals at Target (browsing the Facebook pages of past foes shows me this is often the case). Two, have your son take bully defense classes so he can put an ass whipping on the kid who calls him gay just cause he likes to jump rope and do hair at recess.
Turns out my second proposal is gaining popularity. MSNBC reports bully defense programs are rapidly growing. The programs teach kids to set verbal boundaries and perform martial arts moves perfected in Brazilian favelas. Check out the article if your child is coming home from school with speed knots on his forehead.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Egypt Goes Crazy Over Nude Blogger
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, News, Social Comm
America went in an uproar over a Jackson titty and now Egypt’s going wild over an activist/blogger wearing nothing but panty hose and the Pope’s red shoes. Aliaa Magda Elmahdy posted pictures of herself and a guy playing guitar with his dong out to make a statement against Egypt’s “sexual complexes.” Now the country, both liberals and conservatives, are pissed that she would show more than her eyelids. Hopefully Egypt soon learns that the acceptable way to oppress women is to bombard them with unattainable images of beauty, leaving them with low self-esteem and the willingness to undergo major cosmetic surgery.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Thousands of Crackheads To Be Released From Prison
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, Social Comm
If you use blow you’re one missed paycheck away from using crack. And even though crack will make you a good dancer like Gator in “Jungle Fever,” it will also have you doing things you never thought possible…with your mouth. Plus, The Man looks down on crack, even if The Man himself does blow.
Prior to the Fair Sentencing Act passed by Congress in 2010 there was a 100-to-1 disparity between minimum sentences for crack and powder cocaine users. Now the disparity is 18-t0-1. The good news is that the sentence change is retroactive, freeing an estimated 12,000 former users and sellers. Though the majority of the people being released missed Halloween, and therefore the opportunity to dress as terribly realistic zombies, they will see the outside in the coming days. Also, there’s a chance this program will increase demand for drugs and stimulate the economy. Hopefully not in my neighborhood.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Tiny Trick-or-Treater Pulls Gun
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, Social Comm
This year we gave candy to trick-or-treaters and the occasional freeloading parents holding newborn babies. My domestic-partner in-a-not-gay-way wanted to give the chillun’ one piece of candy each. I suggested they take a handful. Why? I don’t want to make them mad. Children today are corrupted by evil forces, namely parents that are too busy posing in the bathroom mirror for mobile phone pics and thus unable to give their little tax credits the guidance they need. So the children end up unruly and perfectly capable of shooting you for any slight, even accidentally stepping on their Air Forces Ones.
In Aiken, Georgia a 10-year-old boy pulled a gun on a 28-year-old woman while trick-or-treating. She joked about taking his candy and he replied, “No, you’re not…bitch.” Well, he didn’t say “bitch” but I’m sure he thought it. The kid had gotten the handgun from his grandfather. Police came to the scene and told the woman not to worry, the clip was not loaded in the gun, though the boy did have the clip in his possession. The child’s only punishment was being turned over to his parents, so I’ll assume he’s white.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Girl Scouts Won’t Let Sweet Lil’ Bobby Join
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, Social Comm
Girls just wanna have fun, right? Well the same goes for 7-year-old boys that wear knee-high diva boots and prefer double-dutch over football. Young Bobby Montoya likes everything little girls like; dolls, dresses, fad diets and hanging out other girls that are less pretty. Unfortunately for him he was born with something that would freak most little girls out: balls.
As a result, the Girl Scouts won’t let him join their elitist organization. To their credit they did issue a statement claiming anyone can join as long as she presents herself as a girl. So all Lil’ fierce Bobby has to do is take the “y” off his name, add an “i” and strut into that Girl Scouts’ office like, “Sign me up, bitches.” Go, Bobby! Oops…Go, Bobbi!
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Mexico Considers Having Marriage For Lease
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, Relationships, Social Comm
Say what you want about Mexico, but they get a few things right. Namely Tostilocos seasoned with lead and the state-mandated cleavage requirement for female newscasters. Now they’ve struck gold again, this time in Mexico City, with pending legislation that would make marriage contracts last two years with the option to renew or dissolve at the end of the “lease” period–without the costliness and litigation associated with a formal divorce. The proposed law makes sense considering half of marriages don’t work out and another 40 percent become “I’m just with yo’ ass ’cause I ain’t nothing better to do” unions.
The powerful Catholic Church of Mexico is against the proposed law as they prefer to maintain traditional Catholic values like marriage for life and encouraging young boys to downward dog stretch before meeting with clergymen in private. However, the marriage “lease” bill will likely become law in liberal Mexico City, a city where men who drench themselves in CK One and practice Beyonce’s single ladies dance before going to the club can get married to each other.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
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