The ad above aims to alert people that a number of nudie websites moved from .com to .xxx last month.  The switch is supposed to prevent people from accidentally landing on explicit instructional video sites, though that’s what makes surfing the internet fun. People who believe everything they see in a Youtube video with eerie music believe this could lead to government control of the internet, as the feds could simply block every site that ends with .xxx. However, there’s no legislation that mandates adult sites use the new suffix, so OnionBooty, 8thStreetLatinas, and the like are here to stay.

Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog

Apple just got a lot less hip. The New York Times is reporting harsh conditions, large numbers of underage workers and death by explosion at various Chinese factories that manufacture iPads and other Apple products:

Two people were killed immediately, and over a dozen others hurt. As the injured were rushed into ambulances, one in particular stood out. His features had been smeared by the blast, scrubbed by heat and violence until a mat of red and black had replaced his mouth and nose. NYT; 1/26/12

I’d say this calls for a boycott, except I haven’t heard of an American technology manufacturer that isn’t shipping jobs overseas and getting filthy rich from cheap Chinese labor. Still, you won’t catch me lined up for an Apple product that does nothing different than my $200 netbook (except make me look cool as I work on a screenplay while wearing a fedora at a Starbucks in a gentrified part of town).

Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog

When people speak of America’s heartland they often mean small Midwestern towns that produce valuable crops like corn and meth. However, America’s cultural heartland is the ghetto, where trends are created long before they reach the comfortable monotony of suburbia. But most Americans want to stay away from the ghetto (until it’s properly gentrified).

Microsoft is giving users of its GPS devices that option with a recently patented “Avoid Ghetto” feature. The technology uses recent crime statistics to plot routes for drivers who want to avoid parts of town where without permission a strange man may wash your car windows at a stop light and then ask for money. Microsoft is refusing to comment on the technology. Apparently they’re following the ghetto’s number one rule: No Snitching.

Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog

I grew up on “Just Say No,” a catchy campaign that gave First Lady Nancy Reagan something to do besides remind her husband that he was Ronald Reagan, President of the United States.  But sometimes it pays to say yes to drugs. I have a friend who used ‘roids in moderation for a few months because he was tired of being a fat ass. It worked; now he just maintains his figure with regular workouts. He’s had no side effects. In fact, I asked him “You didn’t care about your balls shrinking? No Amaechi.” He answered, “No. Chicks don’t like balls, they like d*ck.” Good point.

Outside of the occasional marijuana brownie alcohol is my drug of choice. It removes the hint of a stammer from my speech and enables me to say things I’d usually only write. Though too much alcohol can cause one to do crazy sh*t, like use a grocery bag as a condom, I know my limit at my advanced age: 3-5 glasses of wine and four beers make the night grand.

Now there’s another drug I want to use, modafinil. Scientists refer to it as a “smart drug” because it increases memory and brain power. It’s kind of like the drug Bradley Cooper used in that movie “Limitless,” except it won’t make you ashy when you get off it. Shit’s so good that surgeons use it to get the benefits of caffeine (and blow) without the shaky hands. Surprisingly enough, like HIV and used toasters, it’s available on Craigslist, though that could be a sting The Man is setting up. If you’re one of the few people with a reasonable insurance co-pay see your doc and tell him you need something to keep you focused while you work third shift. Better yet say, “I want that good sh*t you’re taking.”

Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog

One can have a hell of a time while urinating. For example, you can pee “I love Mom” in the snow and make your parents feel glad that Planned Parenthood didn’t offer long-term financing, or you can have piss races with unsuspecting men in nightclub bathrooms. “Yep, that’s right! I’m bigger and faster!”

But now you can even piss on your cell phone! British researchers are developing a mobile phone app that uses urine to test for STDs. In short, you piss on a computer chip and plug it into your phone. Within seconds your phone will notify you if you have a STD like gonorrhea or chlamydia (don’t worry, it’s nothing a little Tylenol and prayer can’t fix). And once you get the (hopefully negative) results you can show it off to your friends and family, or even post a pic of it on adultfriendfinder.com.

Researchers plan to sell the devices for about $1 in nightclub vending machines. Until then, strap up…on weekdays (weekends are made for fun, as they say). You can read more about the cell phone piss test HERE.

Dewan Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment

Ta-dow!

Shout out to Big Money Michael Valentine aka The Plan Doctor! If you’re tired of The Man having his foot on your throat, Mr. Valentine can help you develop a business plan and secure funding for your venture. I met him through my brother Ken “Dallas Sexy” Gibson and he’s a certified good dude. You can reach him at www.theplandoctor.com. But just remember one thing: business not bi-niss! Be sure to have a look at his TV commercial below, he’s getting down like a black Billy Mays.

Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment

The last time I talked about T-Pain (CLICK HERE TO SEE) a reader got pissed for making fun of T-Pain’s “Big Ass Chain,” simply because I said something about spending 410k for a chain when he can’t even keep his baby hair lined up. It’s just jokes people! Anyway, this time I have more positive news courtesy of mashable.com. You can now add auto-tune to your Facebook status updates, enabling friends to hear your update read aloud in a robotic voice. Plus, the voice even has a wack ass beat behind it…just kidding. I know hip-hop fans are sensitive. Chill son! You can read more about the new Facebook App at http://tinyurl.com/yzyhmxy.

Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment

The haters (aka “haterz” to cool ppl who wear shades in the club) have a new Facebook plug-in. You can now add a DISLIKE button to status updates.But there’s one catch: the person you are hating on must also have the plug-in. Well, there’s more than one catch. The plug-in is new so there’s a few minor problems with slow browsers. Also, just so the recipient of your hate does not feel too bad, the plug-in only allows one person to hate per update. So let the race to hate begin! You can download the Mozilla plug-in at: https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/47023 Please send this news to Beanie Sigel, Game and various readers of bossip.com ASAP. JUST SO I’M NOT A HATER, SHOUT-OUT TO MASHABLE.COM FOR THE STORY.

Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment