I guess this is the antithesis of the Maury dance, and that’s a good thing. Ain’t nothing like black love, though I wouldn’t understand since I sold out last year. Now I don’t know what channel BET is on and no longer get invited to “Grown & Sexy” parties. Anyway, this guy can flow. “Dilated…cervix/What you doin’?/Servin…babies.” This is as good as the song Jay-Z made for Blue Ivy, but you can’t hear secret Illuminati chants when it’s played backwards.

Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog

Money Mayweather is an unbelievable fighter; he’s quick, clever and can somehow understand what the f**k his father is saying. (Is that negro speaking Geechee?) But welterweight boxing, like telling your homeboy to smell your fingers after a one-nighter, is a young man’s game. Floyd’s nearing 35. Although he beat the Luster’s S-Curl out of Shane Mosley during his last fight, he was less than impressive and got caught with a punch that nearly buckled him like Chris “Stiff Neck-ded” Bosh after the NBA Finals. Plus he’s fighting a Mexican dude, Victor Ortiz. The Mexicans have been mad at Floyd since he wore a Taco Bell outfit while beating Oscar De La Hoya. Not to mention it’s Mexican Independence Day weekend, which means Ortiz will have a nation behind him–provided the fight starts after the swap meet ends. Man, I’m ain’t trying to buy no baby clothes from you! Enjoy the fight. And watch out for drunk dummies that think they can fight just because they watched a boxing match.

Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog 

The only thing worse than third degree burns on your neck from Auntie’s hot comb is a weave that’s been neglected like those kids in “Slumdog Millionaire.” And probably cut from the heads of those same kids. So if I were to give African-American women advice, which I probably shouldn’t do since I’m a sellout, I’d say go natural. Free yourself from Just For Me’s no lye gentle relaxer and the media’s biased standard of beauty. Let those curls go free! Just be sure to line up the kukabuds on your neck every now and then.

I’m obviously not alone in my thinking. An online sorority, Pi Nappa Kappa, has been started for black women with natural hair. But unlike most historically black frats and sororities you don’t have to get beaten and brainwashed to join, nor will you suffer from angst after discovering the billions of people outside the college-educated black community neither care nor know about your organization; the one that’s branded on you like cattle/the coolest mental slave on the yard.

Anyway, you sign up for Pi Nappa Kappa online after agreeing to 10 principles. Hopefully they’ll consider letting white women who buy weaves and extensions at mall kiosks join.

Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog

It’s always fun to see what friends from high school are up to. One of my old buddies is a gangster-gospel rapper who shot a reverend for wearing the wrong color to church, this other guy does social media for Nell Carter and another dude is an abolitionist. In his words he works “to free sweet, black pussy from the confines of oppressive, white underwear.”

I had no idea what he was doing until I saw a picture of him on Facebook dressed like a professor at the Harriet Tubman School For Ex-Slaves Who Can’t Not Read Good. Or kind of like he’s a composer of Negro spirituals to be sung in auto-tune. Anyway, as you can see in the picture a brotha’s definitely down for his people if he carries an all black bible that reads “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth and Barack Obama.”

Well, feel free to add Kahlil “1863 seems like yesterday” Jordan on Facebook. Though his posts of “Free Prudence Crandall!” are a couple hundred years late, he’s still a beacon of antebellum wisdom like “Frederick Douglass had the ‘Gumby’ haircut way before Bobby Brown!”

My people, my people…

Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog

Black people are known for putting a creative spin on things. We invented the “Lebombo bone” in ancient Africa, which served as the basis for math. And thousands of years later we made the “Soulja Boy Crank That” dance, which is not as important as math but much more fun. Now we’re back at it again, but this time we’re personalizing our Facebook pages to include middle names like “The Dopest Poet,” “I’m Da Realest,” and “Gonna Git You Sucka.”

Let me explain. Myspace allowed a lot of creativity on its pages. “The blacks” were free to change layouts and add music to their profiles, even gangster rap that played to stereotypes we didn’t like but for some odd reason still promoted. But sometime around the time guys stopped wearing blazers with long, unkempt, striped dress shirts Myspace died out and people left for Facebook. However, like its white-as-white-can-be creator, Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook was extremely plain.

So how did we add a little soul to our profiles? With fantastic made-up middle names! Keep in mind I have 800 odd Facebook friends of many races, even a Mongolian or two. But the middle name phenomena, like the opening of a Tyler Perry film or belief in Illuminati conspiracy theories , is almost exclusively a “black thing.” Here are examples I found from my friends and friends of friends: Pretty “Doing Good” Johnson, Reedy “Lil Preedy’s Mom” McCants, Dee “Godbody Bettaasksomebody” and Coco “Cocaina” Dabarge. How fun!

Dewan “Might Shoot Just For Making Eye Contact, Oh Yeah…Can I Wax That Ass?” Gibson: The Imperfect Blog

After winning gold in Beijing, Cullen Jones (the black guy on the U.S. swim team), made it his duty to increase the number of African Americans that swim and enjoy the water. Shit like this is not what he had in mind.  Still, I must admit that “Making Love in the Water” by La’Domour is catchy–especially if you’re still a fan of the 1980s Oran “Juice” Jones cocaine electro-funk vibe.

What’s great about this video is that Ladomour passionately promotes the virtues of aquatic intercourse but avoids getting even a drop of water on his chemically relaxed hair. (BTW today’s the anniversary of Malcolm X’s death and I bet he’s in heaven pissed off that Negroes are still getting potato based conks and scalp scabs…a damn shame.) What’s also interesting about the video is that half of the time he’s in the shower, the water’s not even on, which proves you can still be sexy while living a green life and wearing white jeans in the shower (Yep La’Domour, I saw them shits).

Making love in the water! Hell yeah!

Dewan Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment

Watching this video is bittersweet. Sweet because I love big pussies, as in big cats of course. Bitter because it makes me despise American complacency even more. Yes we have an ever widening income gap, institutional inequality and corporations that pimp politicians who molest the disadvantaged and block access to preventive treatments that have been proven to reduce rates of unwanted pregnancy, STDs and reliance on unfunded healthcare–and all that happens in just one weekend. But that shit doesn’t compare to having to jack lions for their dinner. Imagine if someone told you “Look man if you wanna eat, take this branch with a prison shank tip and jack those lions for their kill. Now, you might have your larynx ripped out…but you also might have some damn good barbecue!” The hell with that! Anyway, check out the video. Talk about “quiet confidence.”

Dewan Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment

Bored? Own a mattress but not a bed? Hungry and there’s no food in the fridge? Well, when all else fails dance and pretend to be eating. I guess this new “cook dance” phenomenon is sort of like a Native American rain dance for skinny black people. Can’t knock the creativity…enjoy.

Dewan Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment

The International Mandingo Cheerleader Competition was recently held beneath the bleachers at Eastside High School in Paterson, New Jersey. Obviously, Principal Joe Clark was not present. The two male cheerleaders pictured above, LaRufus and Tay-Tay, led the Richmond High Fighting Cocks to a win with their bottomless rendition of the hit song, “White Man’s Pride, Black Man’s Revenge.” The competition, which was broadcast on BET and ESPN, caused many liberal whites to drop their support for forced busing. However, public opinion among democrats appears to have rebounded since Chris Rock’s “Niggas & Black People” routine from Bring the Pain was rebroadcast on Countdown with Keith Olbermann. Remember, there is a difference.

*Shout out to www.imnotatoy.com for the picture.

Dewan Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment

As you can see we’re a very emotional people. But damn, I’ve haven’t cried like this guy since Mama called me an “ungrateful bastard” and told me “Yo’ black ass is lucky Planned Parenthood ain’t have no payment plan.”

Anyway, the video above is a clip from Intervention. I guess the guy was stealing car antennas and using them as crack pipes or something. Be sure to have a look at the techno remix below. So wrong, so hilarious.

Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment

“N***a I go shopping in my terry cloth bath rode. 600 thread count n***a. My balls gotz to breathe! Look at the convertible, son! It’s bangin’! What, what. Can’t no one in this world buy depreciating assets like I can n***a. Cereal? With milk? Hell naw, I’m lactose like a muthafucka. Not lactose intolerant, I’m just lactose n***a. Pour some champagne on ‘dem shits, son. I’m swagnificient; I’m swagtastic; I’m swagga-nigga-licious son!”

Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment

I know at some point I’m gonna get my ass beat if I keep stealing Facebook pictures. But when I see stuff like the Facebook stalker with a Lycra tank top I can’t help it. Or better yet, when I see a picture of somebody coming off the dance floor looking like Pat Riley just made him run suicide drills before he hit the club…it has to be posted!

Looked at him, just done sweated out his club shirt. All that purple silk just drenched.That little thin ass tank top underneath didn’t stand a chance. But that’s what you get for dry humping on the dance floor. I wasn’t there, but I bet he wasn’t doing a two step. Bet he was out there rock hard, just grinding and poking. Grinding and poking…

But look at the smile on his face. He knows the work he put in on the dance floor is gonna pay off. Damn! He was ready. Had the goatee lined up, The Club shirt on. Probably had on some jeans with a mean crease AND some Stacy Adams loafers. I bet the Stacy Adams had duck tape on the sole just in case he has to take them back tomorrow. Don’t act like you haven’t done it!

Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment

Videos like this one make me so proud to be black. Despite being subjugated and placed at the bottom of America’s social ladder BIG BLACK WOMEN know how to have a damn good time. Fuck a diet! These women are big, proud and ready to get down. I need a big black woman in my life…

Oh yeah…shout out to Dave, Ricky, Omar & Vic: BIIIIIIIIIIIIG FACE!

Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment

Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment

Now that I think more about this guy rapping, maybe he can have Tom Cruise as a backup dancer. Check him out on BET! Sorry I know this is old, but it’s hilarious and I’ve been looking for a reason to post it lol.

Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment