“America’s Best Booty” Needs Contestants
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Craigslist, Humor
This is a great opportunity that could potentially lead to an appearance on a VH-1 show that involves fighting, yelling while clapping one’s hands and obliterating the image of minority women–while being wildly entertaining (and that’s all that matters).
“We are only accepting women for consideration. Men, even if you have a little sexy ass like Prince, are not being considered. Also, cellulite and stretch marks ARE more than welcome. However, one’s crack should be fairly clean and not too hairy as the final four contestants will be asked to wear a thong.”
Whoever wrote this is an evil genius. I’m sure he’ll post pictures of the “contestants” as they arrive.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Craigslist Trim
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Craigslist, Humor
As mentioned, I’ve been out the single life loop for awhile. I live with my girl and her womb and we spend time at the aquarium. Next month we’re going to host a game night. I’m a bit apprehensive about playing because I don’t want to show my competitive streak. By “competitive streak” I mean I’m capable of throwing the Scrabble board against the wall and telling everyone to “get the fuck out!” And that’s if I win.
Anyway, life is different, though grand and exciting nonetheless. But a few of my friends are still single. So they don’t really go to aquariums, zoos and shit like that. They spend much of their time having two week affairs with various women. Then they dump the women and tell me the stories so we can laugh at their newly acquired sexually transmitted diseases. Crabs is benign, yet so hilarious!
So to keep the laughs coming I like to help my friends meet women. No, I don’t do hookups at bars. That’s punk shit. What I do is write Craigslist personal ads for loyal friends and others that have read my book. (To everyone else, I hope you catch rickets and end up bowlegged.)
The most recent ad I wrote for my friend is below. It worked out hella well for him. He had second date sex and told the middle-aged woman he’s not looking for much more. She said she’s not either. They’ll continue as is until someone develops feelings; which leads to stomach cramps and sleeping in the fetal position because the one you care for is gone and couldn’t care less about your well-being. Then the hurt party will consider suicide until they uplift themselves by listen to a Clay Aiken CD. That boy can blow!
Here’s the ad. You can see others by clicking the Craigslist link on the right side of my blog, muthafucka.
Title: Chivalrous Man For Down to Earth Woman
I’d like to meet a woman who appreciates an outgoing, straightforward man. I’m a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to dating so hopefully you don’t find chivalry off-putting. I prefer a young lady in her 20s or 30s who enjoys an occasional drink and good conversation. I’m attracted to women of various ethnicities but do prefer women with a medium or slim build. In short, I just hope to meet someone ready for good conversation and friendship, with the possibility of more if the connection is there.
About Me: I’m well-traveled and college-educated with a passion for enjoying life. I like to take advantage of all San Diego has to offer; whether it’s hiking, relaxing at bars or visiting local sites that are off the beaten path. I’m independent and tend to be intrigued by women that have their own goals and close relationships with friends. I’m in good shape, solid and fit, but wouldn’t mind toning up just a bit more before beach season:)
Thanks a lot for taking the time to read. Please send a picture with your response. I hope to hear from you soon.
Dewan Gibson: Download My Book, The Imperfect Enjoyment
Bomb Craigslist Ad #2: For A Woman!
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Craigslist, Relationships
As mentioned weeks ago, I wrote a bomb Craigslist personal ad for a homeboy, hooked him up big time. Now I’m at it again. This time for a real, live woman! A woman whom I have only corresponded with through our blogs and Facebook, but feel as if I know. Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. Let’s see how this works:
Title: Fit, Curvy Where A Woman Should Be and Tastefully Fashionable
I love Chocolate City, my city. Though the chocolate out here is sometimes too “sweet,” I know there are men who embody the following: comfortable in their manhood (no need for hyper-masculinity, a quiet confidence speaks volumes), possess a certain depth that enables us to establish a connection beyond the physical, and finally…behave and dress in an age appropriate manner—if you can’t hold the door for me because you’re holding up your jeans—we probably won’t get along too well. As for the physical, though it would be nice if you looked like Idris Elba or a 1980’s Michael Jackson, it is NOT necessary. In fact, I find confidence on a well-tailored man much more attractive than anything you can gain in the gym.
As for me: I came of age in the 1990’s and remember the days of quality hip-hop that inspired one to do more besides learn a dance. Yet, I’m not stuck in the “good ol’ days” and look forward to tomorrow as I pursue my passion and obtain a personal growth and wisdom that has exploded now that I’ve reached 35. I have an appreciation for the arts and a love for youth, obviously to my child but also for the children I reach as an educator. And in case you’re wondering; I’m natural, fit, curvy where a woman should be and tastefully fashionable.
I look forward to your reply and maybe even a DAYTIME chat over lunch. Thanks for reading.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Need A Date? I’ll Write You A Bomb Personal Ad
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Craigslist, Relationships
I wrote my friend a bomb personal ad on Craigslist. Hooked him up nice. He’s now talking to a couple girls that 90% of men would be too intimidated to approach. He might even get some trim this weekend.
The ad is informative, intriguing and somewhat humorous—while also describing who he is as a person. I’m not sure if I actually have a talent for this particular type of writing, but I’m willing to see. Shoot me a message if you’re interested in having a personal ad written (for free, or maybe spot me a Jack & Coke if you live in So Cal).
Title: Chivalrous Man For Down to Earth Woman
I’d like to meet a woman who appreciates an honest, straightforward man. Someone who is tired of flings and trivial relationships. Race, age and other things that matter less as time passes are not important. I just hope to meet someone ready for good conversation and friendship, with the possibility for more if the connection is there.
About Me: I have full-time stable employment and my own place, I’m in good shape–but wouldn’t mind toning the gut a bit more for beach season:), I’m an East Coast transplant that never fully grasped West Coast materialism, love dancing, but also able to enjoy a night in with a DVD and good company, I have children that are well taken care of and I’m very much a gentleman
Thanks for reading. Please send a picture with your response. Enjoy your weekend.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Not To Say I Don’t Use Craigslist…
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Craigslist, Humor, Relationships
I’m definitely not above using Craigslist to get a date (Craigslist, Facebook–both are 24 hour nightclubs). But there are two types of ads I won’t post.
1) Casual Encounters: I have a fairly good looking pipe, but I don’t think he necessarily stands out among hundreds of other cocks in the Casual Encounters ads. And that’s OK. Because he’s only to be seen during intimate moments with unlucky ladies and in cell phone pictures. Well, he’s also seen when I piss out the passenger side car window as my friend drives 90 MPH on the turnpike.
2) Missed Connections: I believe in aliens and when things are going bad I also believe in God. But I don’t believe a woman will rush onto Craigslist after bumping into me at Target and look for an ad that reads, “Attention elderly white woman, about 70-75 years old. We locked eyes as we pumped gas at the station on Grossmont Center Road. You almost drove off with the hose still in your tank, but I banged on your window and caught you just before you put the car in drive. I’m a skinny black man, who looks about 25-30, and wore a t-shirt that said “Baby D.” I was too scared to ask for your number, so hopefully you’ll check on Craigslist and message me. Maybe we could have a long and bright future together:) P.S. Sorry about the crack in your window.”
Well maybe that’s not a good example of a Missed Connection ad. So have a look at this one that my friend found on Craigslist Cleveland.
This is obviously unrealistic but what the hell. You were departing from your friend on e115th and Juniper by the newer Case dorms. As my friend and I were backing out of the driveway next to the Starbucks under the dorms, your friend was simultaneously crossing to the east side of 115th. You continued down 115th crossing where Juniper runs into 115th. I was in the front passenger seat of a red Toyota Prius at the stop sign when we made eye contact for enough time for me to notice your very unique facial features. You were of asian descent and were also extremely well dressed. I just wanted to say hi. If you see this, get back to me, maybe we could grab coffee sometime.
I have a few problems with this ad. 1) With words like “departed,” “simultaneously,” and “east side” it sounds like a police report of a car accident–10 bucks says a smart-dummy wrote this. You know, those people that get an associate’s degree and start using words phrases like “per se.”
2) The dude says “I just wanted to say hi.” Not true. He wanted to fuck her…really bad. Which is why he took time to post an ad on Craigslist.
3) With all that time spent watching her as she “continued down 115th crossing where Juniper runs into 115th” why didn’t he just get out the passenger seat and try something truly revolutionary like saying hello and introducing himself.
I guess all the technology in the world can’t give you balls.
NOTE: There’s no significance or reason to have a pic of Richard Simmons in this post. Just felt we can all use a little of Richard’s energy to brighten our Monday morning so there you go.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
.