The Lingerie Basketball League Starts Today
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Fashion, Humor, Sports
The women pictured above are not VH-1 harlots who smashed the homies, or nightclub drink girls who got me kicked out the party for offering sexual and spiritual healing in lieu of a tip; they’re actually professional basketball players in the Lingerie Basketball League (LBL). The league is comprised of former college basketball players, probably not whom Don Imus had in mind, and touts itself as the place “where beauty meets the hardwood” (that’s what she said).
The league opens tonight with a doubleheader in Van Nuys. Tickets for both games are $30. To attend you must be 18 and older and perhaps a bit oblivious to what $30 can get a horny 18 year old man with just a quick trip to South L.A., along Western Avenue between 27th and 30th streets. But if you’re looking for innocent, anti-feminist and safe fun with the guys, along with some gritty b-ball; the LBL is a good choice. Check out their site for more info, including player stats. By stats I mean bust, waist and hip size.
NOTE: LBL does not mean Lesbian Basketball League, you’re probably thinking of the WNBA.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
What You Know About That Doo-Rag Visor?
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Fashion, Humor
I was browsing the internet for a doo-rag that matches my favorite linen suit when I spotted this clever new product: The Doo-Rag Visor, as modeled by Master P. It allows you to maintain 360 waves while also blocking the sun and haters lurking in the projects windows above. And as you can see in the picture it goes great with a gold chain, even gold over bronze chains that South Asians and Arabs sell from inner-city kiosks. The Doo-Rag Visor is also available in various animal prints and of course red, black and green for brothas who have recently changed their names after listening to lessons from a kufi wearing uncle. Order yours today! Shout out to “I’m Not A Toy “ for the pic.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Men! We Don’t Need Creams of Before Bed Routines
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Fashion, Humor
We’re men. We don’t get our hair done, we get it cut. We don’t need Proactive to “moisturize our situation and maintain our sexy” (P. Diddy!). And we don’t need to spend money and time on eye creams, astringents and worst of all; botulism based injections that leave you looking as if you’re continuously watching the Halle Berry sex scene in Monster’s Ball. (“Make me feel good!”)
Keep in mind that I write this as a progressive, metrosensual kind of guy of nearly 32 years who’s beginning to deal with long nose hairs and facial spots that my doctor classified as “Ah that’s just a spot.” After reading numerous men’s magazines that promote facial products and “before bed routines” I was also nearly fooled into thinking the aging process was something I should and could prevent. In fact, my Ebonics speaking inner voice even said “I’m finna get my skin done,” meaning microdermabrasion.
But then I thought of my dad. He’s nearing his mid-50s and would never spend money on facial products or “work.” In fact, the only product he uses on his face is tap water from Lake Erie, or maybe Old Spice after-shave for special occasions. But he’s handsome as a man of his age should be. Not pretty, but handsome.
Like my dad, we should be comfortable showing our age. Lines and crevices courtesy of stress from providing for a family should be a source of pride. Above brow scars from drunken accidents with furniture should remind us of the wild days. Teeth of an off-yellow color should give notice that we have indulged in good food and spirits, not that we’ve been lasered.
And when we look in the mirror we should think, “Damn. I still got it.” We’re men, dammit!
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Dressing For Work: Does Business Casual Include Pajamas?
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Fashion, Humor
I dressed smooth as hell when I worked in an office. Not only did my sartorial elegance lead to illicit office affairs, but it also improved the quality of my work. I looked good; I felt good, and I got shit done. But now I work from home. My office is a mini kitchen table surrounded by pictures of my girlfriend’s family (AKA some of the few white people I like) and pictures of my family (AKA some of the few black people I like–sorry, Mongolians are my favorite people).
Obviously this is not a typical work setting, so I don’t dress the part. I’m usually in pajama pants and a tight, nipple baring wife restrainer. Wearing whatever you want to work sounds cool, right? But it’s NOT! I don’t feel like I’m at work and my productivity is suffering. Just think of the old man in your office who’s just staying on the job until his Medi-Care kicks in. He doesn’t really do shit. Just sits there and occasionally makes inappropriate comments to co-workers until you remind him that you can’t call female co-workers “doll” and “tootsy.” I’m kind of like that guy, but my comments are made on Facebook.
Today I decided to change things up. I have a grant to write for a new client (new as in hasn’t paid me shit), along with a yet-to-be-determined-what-it’s-about article to submit to GQ. And I’ve dressed the part. Gray, slim-fit slacks from H&M that will last until their first wash; a dressy denim button down with a buttoned collar and a cream; a wool cardigan that makes me look like a professor who’d invite students for “special help” in a windowless van parked behind Arby’s after midnight (“Girl, spread your legs so you can learn!”); and black and gray leather Chucks with beer stains from Sunday’s reggae night.
And it’s worked so far. I have yet to start writing the grant, but I have read the prompt. I still don’t have a topic for the GQ article, but I did browse through old copies of the magazine. You know what? I guess dressing up hasn’t really worked. I’ve done pretty much nothing. But I looked and felt good doing it.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Kente Swag
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Fashion, Humor
First, I’d like to apologize for using the term “swag”. I retired that term a year ago after fools on my Facebook started talking about “swag times 10″ and “swagnificient.” Oh yeah, some dude also said, “I got swag leaking out the cracks of my ashy elbows, my nigga.” In its place I suggested using a more traditional phrase, “je ne sais quoi.” Meaning, one who has “swag” also has a certain “je ne sais quoi” or “attribute that is difficult to describe.”
Such is the case with the kente scarves pictured above and on the next page. I was watching a program on The Food Network featuring an oft-drunk white man who travels to various countries and disturbs the locals with stereotypical Caucasian curiosity, “Oh my…you people have such dark skin! In my homeland you would be feared! Would you like an American nickname? How about ‘nigga!’”
In a recent episode the tall, drunken white man was in Ghana. He ate food with the locals, drank and a little hooch and visited a weaving station where kente clothing is made. Now, this is NOT the cheap shit that a lot of black college students wear when they graduate with degrees in communications. (Negroes always studying communications!) The kente shown were hand-woven on an centuries old machine that requires use of all four limbs.
One villager was sporting a turquoise kente scarf that had “je ne sais quoi” just oozing out its cotton fibers. I searched online and found a legit e-store that sells genuine items from artisans around the world. How do I know it’s legit? Cause National Geographic says so. I’m deciding between the purple or orange scarf on the next page. They ain’t cheap (start at $59.95) and layaway’s not available like it is at Marshall’s so it might take me a minute to get my money right…but soon I’ll have five feet of “je ne sais quoi” draped across my pencil neck.
You can check out the artisan website at www.novica.com. Swag!
Dewan Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
D.O.T.S. (Death of Tight Sag)
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Fashion, Humor
I rarely voice concern with another man’s sense of fashion. But the tight sag is horrendous. Trying to sag skinny jeans is like funk and cologne, sex with a condom or Hennessy magazine ads without black people—shit just ain’t right!
But the question is…what can we do about the epidemic of men who like their thighs to be tightly wrapped in denim as the cool breeze rushes into their bungholes. Well, here are a few potential ways to ensure our young people pull their skinny jeans up.
-Have Bishop Eddie Long roll up on one of them and say, “Nice ass. Bet you can’t forget the smell of my cologne after I take you on a trip around the world.”
-Use your hand to make a swiping motion down the crack of one’s exposed ass and scream, “Charge it to the game, bitch!”
-Ask, “Would you be interested in Proactive—Ass-ne Control? Worked great for Montana Fishburne.”
-Give him a copy of your new remix of Sir Mix A Lot’s “Baby Got Back” called “Nigga Got Ass!”
-Tell him he looks like a guy you met in federal prison, especially from behind.
Dewan Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Can’t Return Used Shoes
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Fashion, Humor
Pay no attention to the hulking calf muscle and dry skin in need of an extreme de-ashinating; I want to talk about the shoe.
I bought these fake Wally’s from Urban Outfitters for $35. At first I thought they were the shit. So much so that I invented a brand new walk to go along with the shoe: a slightly pigeon toed stroll with exaggerated shoulder movement.
But after a day the appeal was gone. For one, I don’t believe this shoe is actually leather. The tag says “man made materials,” which is code for rubber. Also, besides a single pair of khakis I don’t have much to wear with the shoes. Finally, these shits is kind of ugly!
I’m beating myself up for spending 35 dollars that I through earned through moderately hard work (hanging out on the internet from 9am-4:30pm). Guess I should have done as Dad did during my 5th grade graduation, put duct tape on the soles so you can return them later—no questions asked.
Well, if you are a fashion diva or divo, feel free to send suggestions on what I should wear these with. Until then these are going to the back of my already bare closet, right next to my aerated mesh tanktop.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Damn Man…I’ll Explain Later
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Fashion, Humor
Obviously not every man has a pair of bikini draws that feature a glittered letter “D” on the exterior cock. But I do. And I will explain ASAP. Until then admire your night away.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
LOOPTWORKS Clothing: Upcycle Before the Hipsters Make it Uncool
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Fashion
Most of the clothing I wear is made in Asian factories by thin children with early onset arthritis and little hope for a fair wage. This sucks because the kids are often cute and if they lived in an opportune society they could make it far, maybe even star in an Asian American version of Jersey Shore called Anaheim Shore.
To make matters worse besides putting my empty bottles and cans in the dumpster that’s easy for the silent old man who sleeps outside to enter, I do very little recycling.
Obviously my actions silently condone global economic inequality and environmental destruction. So in some ways I’m no better than an elderly republican congressman who: 1) extols the virtues of capitalism while a third of the world lives on a scoop of rice a day, and 2) claims that global warming is a natural phenomenon.
But until I correct my bad economic and environmental habits I can do one thing, and that is to support brands like LOOPTWORKS, a Portland, Oregon based manufacturer that makes clothing from excess material. In other words, they create eco-friendly clothing from materials that are leftover at other factories. The term for this process is “Upcycling” and I’m sure it will soon become part of the hipster lexicon (tree huggers start the slang, takes about 12-18 months to reach the hipsters).
The picture above is of a LOOPTWORKS jacket that looks like something David Beckham would wear. And if it’s good enough for that lady killer David Beckham, it’s damn sure good enough for me. You can see more LOOPTWORKS products for men and women at www.LOOPTWORKS.com. BTW I was not compensated for the post. But it would be cool if they send me the David Beckham jacket or possibly arrange a date with a sexy saleslady.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
F.R.E.S.H. Thee Apparel (What Would Jesus Wear)
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Fashion
I love to see my former students doing well. While some are constantly trying to sell me Prepaid Legal Services and others are busy proselytizing about Jay-Z and the Illuminati, most are achieving big thangs. Yes, that’s correct not “big things” but “big thangs.”
One of those students is Brandon Nelson, founder of a Christ-centered clothing line called F.R.E.S.H. Thee Apparel. Although Jesus Christ is not known for his fashion sense (though He did start the Birkenstock craze), what Brandon has done is create a modern, fashionable way for His followers to express their beliefs with clothing that has biblical passages and imagery (just check it out, it actually looks cool). Which I say is a much more effective way to spread the gospel than handing out pamphlets describing the likelihood of eternal damnation.
You can check out Brandon’s line at www.iamfreshonline.com.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
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