TEA Par-tay: Kickin It With the Conservatives
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, Short Stories, Social Comm
Told that cat not to drink Henny!
I tend to adopt a “try anything once” attitude when bored. Past exploits have included sticking my hand in a ceiling fan and adding voiceover play-by-play to my favorite porn clips. But recently I decided to grab life by the elephant tusks and attend a Tax Enough Already (TEA) protest in Oceanside, California.
I arrived at the event and nearly chickened out minutes after parking my car. Something about integrating a sea of angry white people felt dangerous. Not to say I’d be completely comfortable around a couple thousand angry black people, but I could at least be sure the police would be there—ready and willing to use excessive force at the slightest provocation.
After a long 15 minutes I decided to step out the car, albeit with precautions. I gathered my digital camera to identify potential attackers, a mobile phone to call 911 and tied my trainers extra tight. I figured if all else failed I’d Usain Bolt away from the ruckus. After all, you never know when chants of “NO MORE TAXES!” can morph into “NO MORE NEGROS!”
I finally made it down to the amphitheater and felt relieved. Yes the crowd was all white, but they were all middle to Larry King age white people. Basically the Walker, Texas Ranger demographic.
I approached the various booths staffed by political candidates and t-shirt salespeople hoping to strike a friendly conversation with someone. The future leaders and political hacks occasionally smiled my way, but after a quick scan of my black and gasp—young Barack Obama like appearance—they quickly turned away.
In fact Christine Rubin and her staff, who is a candidate for California’s 77th Assembly District, flat-out ignored me whenever I came within five feet of them. What a shame considering that as my potential district state representative I wanted to hear her ideas. Now I will forever know her as the candidate with Social African-American Anxiety Disorder (Full Disclosure/Update: Mrs. Rubin did send an excuse and gracious apology after my rambling email criticizing the snub).
Conservative radio host Rick Roberts kicked off the event with an enthusiastic welcome. While I do not share his views, I must admit that Roberts has a great voice for radio and television voiceovers. Somebody get this man a gig on Family Guy! Now I wish I could remember more of what he actually said, but the surrounding anti-Obama posters stole my attention. Right-wing artistic creativity was on full display with effigies of President Obama that included the term “thug” or the more descriptive term of “Chicago thug.”
Outside of being offended it also struck me how “thug” has become a 21st century euphemism for “nigger” among closet racists. Have a look at any online message board that features a controversial black athlete or entertainer and you are bound to see the new “it word.” In fact, ESPN no longer allows the term on its website. Interestingly enough it is also the term that TEA Party founder Mark Williams used to describe President Obama in the video below. Sorry I forgot, he actually said “an Indonesian Muslim turned welfare thug and a racist-in-chief.”
Even the First Lady was posterized. I can handle the lampooning of Barack, but Michelle should be off limits. Her main job is to hug foreign dignitaries and make sure Barack doesn’t wear those high-waist Jessica Simpson jeans again. Leave her out of the political shenanigans.
The event continued with an appearance by Congressman Darrell Issa. Representative Issa, a pudgy shiny-haired man of Lebanese descent and just a couple shades lighter than our “socialist leader,” seemed hurried in his statements. Actually, he seemed a bit like the occasional weed smoker who accidentally stumbles into a meth party. Getting high is a thing many of us know and maybe even enjoy, but smoking your teeth out is a bit too far over the line of innocent youthful discretion.
Issa simply couldn’t match the amount of hate in the crowd. He tried to raise his voice to drive home a few points—he even threw in a joke that’s not a joke about Obama—but when it came time to put his mouth on pipe and suck, the man bitched out. And I think he knew it. Minutes after Issa left the stage I spotted him making a near sprint for the exits.
The event dragged on with a very detailed health care speech from Dr. Gary Gonsalves, founder of Stop Taxing Us. Outside of audience banter by host Rick Roberts and a rotund lady next to me who kept yelling “Stay away from my children!” in response to Obama’s plan to address the nation’s schools, the crowd’s energy seemed to drift.
California gubernatorial candidate Chelene Nightingale tried to add energy with screams about “losing our freedom,” but she was outshined by an even angrier audience member. Apparently he did not agree with Nightingale’s claim that she was the American Independent Party’s pick to run for governor and he let her know. Sounding like Apostle E.F., the heavy man with the sweaty beard shouted “That’s a lie! You were not picked by AIP!” Eventually the police took his big ass away without force.
The event was soon over without a major ruckus. While a significant portion of the attendees seemed outright racist, most of the attendees’ views seemed typical of a party out of power—conspiracy theories and unsubstantiated rants about losing their country. They never said what specific freedoms have been taken away under President Obama or put a dollar amount on their alleged higher taxes, simply because the data does not exist.
As the evening ended I even began to understand the frustration that arises when your party is not in power. I thought back to my anger with George W. Bush and remembered wishing that he had choked on a slightly larger pretzel. I even fantasized about Condeleeza Rice wearing those thigh-high boots in front of Vice President Cheney, hoping she’d disrupt his unreliable ticker and take out evil doer number two.
Yet, I never ever actually wanted them dead and I believe the overwhelming majority of conservatives feel the same way about President Obama. Well, at least until he proposes immigration reform.
-Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
8 Responses to “TEA Par-tay: Kickin It With the Conservatives”
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Allana Lake Says:
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:00 pmI’m not sure if I agree that most ppl who go to those things aren’t racists. I know Obama won’t admit it, but come on? ALL THAT HATE!
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Mike Harmon Says:
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:31 pmI finally decided to write a comment on your blog. I just wanted to say good job. I really enjoy reading your posts.
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Posts about Barack Obama as of September 22, 2009 » The Daily Parr Says:
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:46 pm[...] due to have separate discussions with Benjamin Netanyahu, the Israeli prime minister, an … TEA Par-tay: Kickin It With the Conservatives – imperfectenjoyment.com 09/22/2009 Told that cat not to drink Henny! I tend to adopt a [...]
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TEA Par-tay: Kickin It With the Conservatives « Tech Pinoy Says:
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:58 pm[...] Read the rest here: TEA Par-tay: Kickin It With the Conservatives [...]
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Dewan Gibson Says:
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:58 pmObviously some sort of racial element exists within the TEA movement, but today’s covert racism is difficult to prove. What ever happened to the proud racists? Damn, all these ashamed racists hiding in the closet.
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Posts about Texas Tea Parties as of September 23, 2009 | Texas Tea Parties Says:
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:03 pm[...] Movement to Fight Extravagant Government Spending TAMPA, Fla.–( BUSINESS WIRE )–Today The TEA Par-tay: Kickin It With the Conservatives – imperfectenjoyment.com 09/22/2009 Told that cat not to drink Henny! I tend to adopt a [...]
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Mark Williams Says:
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:03 pmWow, I haven’t seen such racism puked up since George Wallace tried to turn the 10th Amendment into a dirty word!
The absence of overt racism at a Tea Party is proof of racism? LOL! You’ve been listening to George Noory’s callers a little too much.
Bonus: You are a ward of the state and those of us who work for a living are graced with the honor of supporting your sorry, prejudiced ass while you redefine the English Language to fit your own bigotry and randomly assign a racial level to the word “thug”.
I always though “thug” was more a white guy, built like a fireplug and with a bent nose collecting vig or just ensuring that you vote the way the union wants you to vote, at least it was in my old hood in Boston.
By the way, what Anderson Cooper did not share with his audience was that my reference to Obama’s nationality and religion were direct quotes from the primary school application his father filled out for him (and available on my web site) and that as an organizer for ACORN his job desription in Chitown would in fact be “welfare thug”. Cooper saying that I called Obama a Nazi was an outright lie and Cooper backed off that one.
Anyhow, thank you for the glaring example of what I and millions of others are fighting.
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Dewan Gibson Says:
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:41 pmMark,
Ward of the state? What the hell is that about? I guess some sort of lame (and false) personal attack being that you lost all your credibility on Anderson Cooper when you called the president an “Indonesian Muslim Welfare Thug”…once again LAME and FALSE.Yes, Obama’s father was Muslim so obviously he would mark that as his son’s religion (most children aren’t really concerned about choosing their religion). But as you know he was not raised by his father and did not grow up practicing Islam. Besides, it shouldn’t matter if he were to be Muslim. Do you have a problem with Muslims?
Well good luck with those TEA protests, regardless of your efforts health care reform will happen and our “welfare thug” president will still be running shit. I know it hurts…too bad, nothing you can do.
