I LIKES THAT! No homo, no swag, no real talk.

Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, Social Comm

I am an untrained writer/lackluster speaker with little regard for the minute rules of grammar and a strong appreciation for creative slang. When young kids from hood flipped the meaning of “bad” to mean good and Michael Jackson ran with it; that was some slick shit. When the Wu-Tang Clan talked about the 49311, Power U or C.R.E.A.M…GOD DAMN!!! As for today’s current “it words”…blah, blah, blah.

One of my least favorite terms is “real talk.” Often said by young men wearing fake jewels, it gives the impression that everything else the speaker says is questionable. Besides the term “fareal,” especially when spoken by a black person with a high-pitched voice, is more than adequate to describe one’s seriousness and honesty. So let’s not rebuild the wheel—stick with “fareal.”

The next term on my hit list is “swagger,” which denotes that one has a certain “je ne sais quoi.” This term has a certain feminine quality to it, at best it is metrosexual. Come on man, a rapper named Fabolous [sic] talking about his swagger…I’ll pass—which means a lot considering I wear skinny jeans. Again, a term from long ago is much more profound. Simply put one is “fly” if he or she has an attraction that cannot be pinpointed as physical beauty or charisma. Better yet let’s refer to him or her as “The Whip.” Damn!!!

Next up, as I discussed in a previous post, is the phrase “no homo” Although it is meant to confirm that the speaker is not making homosexual overtures to the listener (for example, “What up homey? I like how those jeans hang off your ass…no homo.”), the phrase reeks of insecure masculinity. How about using a much more appropriate phrase: “exit only”? This phrase not only confirms that speaker is heterosexual, but also provides important bodily information. Confirming that the speaker’s rectum and anus are only used to aid in pushing one’s stool out the body and do not allow foreign objects to enter, such as penises or even an index finger when inserting a laxative or removing a dingleberry.

Lastly, just to show I’m not a hip-hop hater I propose a completely new slang phrase: “I LIKES THAT!” This phrase was invented by my 50-something year old father and means that one really-really like a particular something. “I LIKES THAT” is great in that with the simple addition of an ungrammatical plural “s,” it denotes that the speaker definitely likes but DOES NOT LOVE whatever he or she is speaking about. We all know rappers don’t love them hoes so the potential for this phrase is unlimited. I can hear it now being spoken by the hip-hop masses “I LIKES them hoes!” Hell yeah—real talk “I LIKES” is the next big slang phrase.

Dewan W. Gibson, Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment

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Permalink | October 9th, 2009

5 Responses to “I LIKES THAT! No homo, no swag, no real talk.”

  1. Sherelle Says:
    October 11th, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    Real talk, I likes this post. As did my white fiancee who does not get the term “swagga”. He is definitely on your bandwagon.

  2. Dewan Gibson Says:
    October 12th, 2009 at 2:32 am

    Shout out to your fiancee! BTW I even heard some guy say he was “swaggalicous” lol. God damn…

  3. Lashaunta Says:
    October 12th, 2009 at 4:54 am

    Stop hating on MY ppl! Oh, I guess I should say UR ppl too:)

  4. Nico Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 11:46 pm

    Or for the over 50 crowd:

    How about, “Exit Only…With an exception for my yearly prostate tickle (exam).”

  5. Dewan Gibson Says:
    October 19th, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    I LIKES THAT! But I think the prostate exam is more than a tickle lol.

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