Negro Please! Lou Dobbs to Latinos “I’m One of Your Greatest Friends”
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Social Comm
When I first read that Lou Dobbs was on Telemundo and said to Latinos “I am one of your greatest friends,” I figured The Onion had taken over Politico.com. Keep in mind this is the same man who as a CNN journalist falsely accused Latinos of bringing Leprosy into the US (is that shit even still around?) and generally bagged on immigrants as the primary source of American problems. Not to mention he was foolish enough to give televised credence to the dumb ass President Obama birther movement. I guess now that’s he’s contemplating a run for president in 2012 Lou Dobbs is becoming Luis Dobbs. Punk ass Lou Dobbs…watch him get his ass handed to him by the President of La Raza.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Big Money Mike: The Business Plan Man
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Technology
Ta-dow!
Shout out to Big Money Michael Valentine aka The Plan Doctor! If you’re tired of The Man having his foot on your throat, Mr. Valentine can help you develop a business plan and secure funding for your venture. I met him through my brother Ken “Dallas Sexy” Gibson and he’s a certified good dude. You can reach him at www.theplandoctor.com. But just remember one thing: business not bi-niss! Be sure to have a look at his TV commercial below, he’s getting down like a black Billy Mays.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Death of Auto-Tune? Not on Facebook!
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Technology
The last time I talked about T-Pain (CLICK HERE TO SEE) a reader got pissed for making fun of T-Pain’s “Big Ass Chain,” simply because I said something about spending 410k for a chain when he can’t even keep his baby hair lined up. It’s just jokes people! Anyway, this time I have more positive news courtesy of mashable.com. You can now add auto-tune to your Facebook status updates, enabling friends to hear your update read aloud in a robotic voice. Plus, the voice even has a wack ass beat behind it…just kidding. I know hip-hop fans are sensitive. Chill son! You can read more about the new Facebook App at http://tinyurl.com/yzyhmxy.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
BlackRoc: Best Collab Since Eddie Murphy & Rick James
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Arts
Talk about an unexpected collaboration orchestrated by Dame Dash: The Black Keys, Mos Def, Jim Jones, RZA and a few other MCs and singers are on an album together…and it’s dope, as the cool kids would say. In fact, it’s the best musical collaboration since Eddie Murphy and Rick James came together and created “Party All the Time,” as the cool kids would NOT say. Check out the audio above and view more at www.blackroc.com. Oh yeah, you know I had to include the “Party All the Time” vid below!
Paranormal Eyes: Read At Your Own Risk
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor
I was just watching a somewhat interesting football game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Chicago Bears on NBC. Halftime comes around and they play some sort of skit about how the “D-Fence” slogan was created. After the bit concluded the camera zooms in on announcer Tony Dungy. I first noticed his ear-to-ear grin but then his eyes freaked the hell out of me. It was crazy cus he evidently has this unique ability to look cheerful with a serial killer stare. The shit shook me up so much that I left my lonely apartment for the crowded comfort of San Diego State University’s library, which is a bit much considering I was chilling on the couch wrapped up in a homemade Snuggie. But back to Tony…damn, somebody put this man in a movie. Preferably a sequel to Paranormal Activity entitled Paranormal Eyes: I’m Tony Dungy Bitch. Anyway, after I regained my calm his eyes got me to thinking of other crazy eyed people–obviously “Crazy Eyes” from Mr. Deeds, Tony Dungy and of course the doe-like eyes of Prince. Have a close look at the pic above. You’ll go from laughing, to feeling frightened, and finally a bit horny (exit only).
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
60 Minutes Reaches Younger Demographic with “60 Moments” Featuring Ashy Larry
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor
For many years 60 Minutes has been one of the most popular news programs on television. However, they are losing a large amount of young viewers as fans continued to be alarmed that old ass Andy Rooney has to give up his typewriter. In an effort to reach the prime 18-34 demographic 60 Minutes has created a new offshoot entitled 60 Moments. What’s great about the new program is that Donnell Rawlings aka Ashy Larry, commonly known as one of the most esteemed journalists of the 21st Century, has been tapped to lead the new show. Check out his new interview with hip-hop newcomer Emilio Rojas.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
“High as a Georgia Pine” Dude Pitches a No-Hitter on LSD
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Arts
Rockin' the DC Cab Curlers!
Outside of the legendary Hong Kong Phooey, Scooby Doo (shout-out to the always high Shaggy) and now Family Guy/Cleveland I am not the biggest fan of cartoons. But this new Youtube vid by No Mas is off the chain and I DON’T USE THAT TERM LIGHTLY. Check out former Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Dock Ellis describe how he pitched a no-hitter while high on LSD against my adopted hometown team, the San Diego Padres. Not only does Doc have rollers in his hair, but you get a chance to hear his 70’s soul man accent as he provides voiceover for the cartoon. I never heard being “High as a Georgia Pine” described so eloquently. Sadly Doc passed last year, but he lives on through hundreds of thousands views on Youtube. Check out the vid:
Sign This Petition Against Butt Pads & Package Enhancers (exit only)
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor
Fellas, put your yourself in this situation: You meet a nice young woman in the self-help section of your local bookstore. Though you’re intrigued by her emotional problems, as evidenced by the number of Tony Robbins books held closely to her breasts, you’re most fascinated by her rotund ass. So you ask her out. A few days later you decide to skip out on Friday’s, Chili’s or Applebees and take her to proper restaurant that isn’t a member of a chain franchise, again–primarily because that bubble is on your mind. After dinner you go to an expensive bar and pay top dollar to order her a Sprite. But hold on! You’re even generous enough to put a little tang in her Sprite with a more than sufficient pour from the vodka flask hidden in the London Fog coat that you got on sale at JcPenney’s and have saved for a special date. Once again, simply because that ass is on your mind. After three drinks and a now empty flask she is back at your place. You make out for damn near 90 seconds but still don’t bother to remove her top. Instead you go straight for the draws. It’s dark as hell in your mom’s basement, but you just can’t wait to see that jiggly ass. That ass which probably has so much cellulite it looks like a living creature. Her pants come off and you go tongue first on that cherished ass. Hold on…it tastes like rubber. Shit, maybe she got down with someone else earlier today. You smack it, damn that firm ass barely moves. Ok, ok you can deal with a muscle ass. Then you decide to try the move you learned from the R. Kelly sex tape. You aggressively grab that ass and pull it towards you like its a child about to cross a busy intersection alone. Then…the ass falls off. A blob of silicone is on your bed. You demand a refund on your vodka and tell that trick she’s not worth more than a appetizer at Applebee’s. Four weeks later you end up on Judge Judy looking like a damn dummy.
Ladies, put yourself in this situation: You’re hanging out at WalMart when you spot a young man test riding the mountain bikes down the beer aisle. He’s gets off the bike for a second to grab a Colt 45. It’s then when you spot his Dewan Gibson like man-print. He is wearing linen pants and baby tee so you see everything God has blessed him with. You’re a freak so you go up to him and say “Mr. Big Cock Johnson. Ladies dressing room. Get your Mandingo ass in there now.” He obliges and you rip off his cheap ass linen pants. Shit! He still has the WalMart tag on them, guess he’s trying those out too. But it’s OK, you don’t mind paying for the pants, as long as you get a chance to see that mean and angry–its name has to be Leroy–cock. You pull his draws down and blob of silicone pops out. You smack the shit out of him, grab the silicone, put it down the ass of your underwear and run off. You too end up on Judge Judy.
So to prevent butt and man-print pad problems such as these from occurring, I am proposing a boycott on all ass and man-print boosting undergarments. After all, the butt pad and similar items are classic bait and switch accessories that should be outlawed by the FTC.
By leaving a comment below you are signaling your agreement with this boycott. All names will be given to the various companies that produce these products to let them know that if one suffers from the disease commonly known as notasitol he or she should be proud and need not trick any potential suitors. Thanks a lot for your time and support.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Why I Luv My People (and not just the light skinned ones!): Ronald McGospel
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Why I Luv My People
The church has long been a staple in the black community and perhaps the same can be said for McDonald’s. Well, at least these brothas think so. In what appears to be an after church dedication to Mickey D’s value meals “Ronald McGospel and the Heaven Sent Hamburg-ettes” damn near catch the spirit singing about the virtues of artery clogging burgers. Say what you want, but I think the lead singer is giving Elton John a run for his money as the world’s best gap-tooth slightly feminine singer. Check it out.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Reminiscent of a Good Black & White Buddy Movie: Jay-Z and Coldplay
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Arts
I’m a big fan of black and white buddy films like Lethal Weapon, Beverly Hills Cop and of course Miami Vice. These films/shows portray an easy and uplifting racial harmony while kicking outlaw ass, specifically the ass of a scary foreigner. How cool is that! Anyway, to finally get to the point…two of my favorite artists, Coldplay & Jay-Z, have been mashed up on a new record by DJ Mick Boogie (yeah I still say record, u know what I mean). And it’s like a good black and white buddy film for your ears! You can download Viva la Hova here: http://tinyurl.com/y87j9dj
(BTW I KNOW I’M LATE ON THIS, BUT SHIT, THIS RECORD IS NEW TO ME)
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
For the Sake of Michael Phelps: LEGALIZE MARIJUANA
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor
I’m not a big fan of marijuana or drugs period, simply because I only weigh 145 lbs and already appear somewhat “crackish.” I’m also not a fan of swimming, competitive or otherwise (Hey man, let’s get in this cold ass water and see how fast we can get to other end. And when we get out our cock and balls will have shrunk. It’s gonna be so cool because we’ll be wearing Speedos and everyone will see our tiny man prints. Then we’ll hit the showers and maybe even have a cockfight!) Now you see why I stay out the water?
However, I do know that marijuana and Michael Phelps need each other. Since he got busted smoking out of a bong the gold medalist has been getting his aqua ass kicked. On his current European tour he had the slowest qualifying event in the 200 and has yet to win a race. While some are saying it’s because they won’t let him wear his fancy swimsuit, I’d like to believe he’s a bit tense because he no longer has bong access. Anyway, regardless of what’s being said about the financial and judicial benefits of legalized marijuana–let’s do it for our country, let’s do it for Michael!
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
50 Cent’s and his “Power” Cologne: Greedy Ass
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Arts, Humor
Buy 50's Cologne and Get Hot Chicks Like Bette Midler
To make long and disappointing short, 50 Cent doesn’t want to meet you unless you buy his cologne for $68! Curtis “Boo-Boo/50 Cent” Jackson was having a meet and greet at Lakewood Mall in Los Angeles. Considering I’m a fan who admires his business acumen I decided to attend (well maybe I also wanted to give him a copy of my book in hopes he’d buy the rights to the screenplay, which is currently on sale for $0.99 and a share of DVD profits). I get there and find out in order to even stand in line for a few hours and meet him you need to buy the BIG BOTTLE of his new Power cologne, which again…is priced at $68!
Obviously I said “hell to the no” and balked at the chance to converse with 50 for 15 seconds. Mind you, I already bought the man’s CDs AND went to see Get Rich or Die Tryin, knowing full well the negro can’t act! And I even bought Vitamin Water when I damn well knew it wasn’t anything but sugar free Kool-Aid! I understand he’s a business man, but damn! With $68 I’d rather buy a broken i-Pod that plays Tony Yayo songs on repeat. With $68 I’d rather buy the whip that Eminem and Jimmy Iovine use on 50’s ass. With $68 I’d rather pay the DJ to NOT play “In Da Club” ever again. Come on…$68! We all know that ur cologne ain’t nothing but Johnson’s baby powder mixed with rubbing alcohol. Man, I’m on a temporary boycott of all 50 Cent products (until his new CD comes out on Tuesday, I like that shit).
UPDATE: Here’s a link to 50 Cent’s and Beanie Sigel’s new and very mediocre Jay-Z dis track: http://tinyurl.com/yhkev9o
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Why I Luv My People (and not just the light skinned ones): We Rap in Court!
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, Why I Luv My People
I’ve decided to start a new category on my blog entitled “Why I Luv My People” (and not just the light skinned ones). Posts in this category will focus on black creativity in its various off-the-chain forms. My first entry features a 31 year old married father of four who winds up on Divorce Court. Apparently he and his wife are separating due to her lack of support for his rap career and his constant clubbing while pursuing said career. I’ve always figured if you have not obtained some sort of rap success by age 30, then you should probably pursue other opportunities–maybe try to work security for 50 Cent or something. Anyway, the husband decides to show the judge his rap skills in court. And he’s actually pretty good! Not good enough to be without a day job (as if I can talk), but still very listenable. The Youtube vid I found for this clip is actually a low quality video of someone watching Divorce Court on television lol, but I felt it sort of fit the context!
Now that I think more about this guy rapping, maybe he can have Tom Cruise as a backup dancer. Check him out on BET! Sorry I know this is old, but it’s hilarious and I’ve been looking for a reason to post it lol.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Sammy Sosa Has Left the Race: Honorary Blackness Now Available
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor
Former Major League Baseball superstar Sammy Sosa, currently undergoing a “skin rejuvenation process,” has apparently decided he no longer wants to be black. As a result his blackness is now available for one lucky person through Ebay. The winner will receive a Certificate of Honorary Blackness featuring Al Sharpton and “Gibson’s Secret Guide to Being Black,” written by author Dewan W. Gibson. Please read below for details. YOU CAN BID ON THE AUCTION AT: http://tinyurl.com/yjp8d8a
Did you feel a bit left out at President Obama’s inauguration? Would you like to be called “brotha” or “sista” by someone unrelated to you? Have you recently wondered what the big deal is about those damn Tyler Perry movies? Well suffer in silence no longer. Now is your chance to become an honorary Black person!!! The winner of this auction will receive a signed certificate in a strong mahogany frame proclaiming him or her an honorary Black person. The winner will also receive “Gibson’s Secret Guide to Being Black,” an easy to follow 10 step guide to being “down” in no time (see excerpt below).
Gibson’s Secret Guide to Being Black.
•Remember that THE MAN is a very dangerous person. In fact, if you look over your shoulder right now he’s probably planting a bloody glove and framing you for murder.
• Be careful when supporting Affirmative Action, quotas or anything of the like. These diversity programs are also in effect in most jails and prisons.
• Criticism of President Obama is akin to someone calling your mother out her name. Please react accordingly.
• Do not celebrate Kwanzaa. This holiday is an inside joke designed to give white people the false hope that we are returning to our roots and possibly going back to Africa.
• Even though it is grammatically incorrect the term “Black” should be capitalized at all times. However, leave the term “white” lowercase just to get a little piece of revenge against THE MAN.
The certificate is signed by Dewan W. Gibson, author of The Imperfect Enjoyment and a real live successful Black man who has even dated white women! YOU CAN BID ON THE AUCTION AT: http://tinyurl.com/yjp8d8a
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Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
New Artist by the Name of Farrad! Play His Song, Take a Little Ex (half a tab) and Get Down!
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Arts
I rarely feature musicians on my blog, simply because the artists brought to my attention sound the same. However, I was lucky enough to receive press materials for a new artist by the name of Farrad. In addition to having a man-print a bit more defined that yours truly (exit only, no guido) Farrad creates music that will make the hardest brothas get on the dance floor and fist pump. As a fan of R&B and house I suggest you check out Farrad’s song entitled “Misunderstood” from his full length debut, The Time is Now. The man sounds a bit like Seal (before he was pussy whipped by Heidi Klum), but with more energy. You can view a vid of his performance at the NY Fashion Week below and find his single on i-Tunes at: http://tinyurl.com/ycvzlgh. Cop that jawn son!
Dewan Gibson: A Literary Bachelor (Interview with the East Bay Literary Examiner)
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Arts, Humor
“This book made me laugh and I don’t even like to smile.”
—Big ‘Los, San Quentin State Prison
Dewan W. Gibson is a man of surprising honesty. While most of us (at times) think things we dare not say, Gibson openly unleashes his views in poetic confessions. His prose effortlessly projects a dicey side of human curiosity. By reading his work, one can suggest his narratives almost reflect a modern-day similarity to the Marquis de Sade or Henry Miller. No joke. Gibson shows that much promise with his risky prose. And after checking out The Imperfect Enjoyment, his first book, I felt I needed to learn more about this guy — this literary cavalier who rejuvenates the archetype of the post-college American Bachelor.
Here’s what we discussed:
Congrats on all the success with The Imperfect Enjoyment. It really is a “bachelor’s memoir.” What bit of “dating” advice could you offer bachelors who may pick up your book?
DWG: Always remain a gentleman, which is both rare and surprising to women. Maybe nice guys do finish last in some instances, but we also tend to smile our way into a lot of tail! A bachelor should also be sure to keep protection in strategically placed locations (ex: under the couch, in the kitchen drawer) to appear prepared . . . Lastly, having “game” is useless and desperate. A simple introduction and a few follow-up questions work fine. Leave that silly game stuff to the corny guys that wear shades in the club.
Wow! . . . Thanks for your honesty. It seems like you’ve put some thought into this . . . Anyway, considering a past personal experience, what’s been your most impressive “pick-up” moment?
DWG: My girlfriend is going to kill me for this, but it would have to be this Brazilian hostess. I briefly alluded to her in The Imperfect Enjoyment, but did not explain fully. In short, she was working in front of an expensive San Diego restaurant where her main role was to lure in customers with her exotic looks and elementary English language skills. I walked past her, said hello and then walked away completely intimidated by her rotund backside and video girl looks. I manned up and returned five minutes later, started a conversation with a simple “How’s your day going?” and within three weeks she was in my apartment — ready. She’s in Brazil now, hopefully reminiscing about our “short” time together. Well, I guess the joy was in the hunt . . .
In The Imperfect Enjoyment, I really dug Haniyah. What a complex girl and relational situation. And I know you can only generalize, but what are your personal thoughts about Muslim culture in the West, namely regarding the collective views of Muslims who date non-Muslims. Do you think there will ever be a dramatic shift in Islamic dating culture in the West?
DWG: I think there will be a shift among foreign born Muslims in the West as time passes. It’s similar to how first-generation Americans are often unable to speak English. However, their children will speak English and the parents’ native language. The grandchildren will speak mostly English and maybe understand the family’s native language. First-generation foreign born Muslims in the West will check out the Westerners from a distance, but probably won’t act on their curiosity. Their children will probably date one or two Westerners, secretly of course. But the grandchildren will assimilate and accept the unabashed fornication in Western culture. It’s a beautiful thing.
YOU CAN READ THE ENTIRE INTERVIEW AT: http://tinyurl.com/yggects
Attention Haters! You can now DISLIKE on Facebook
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Technology
The haters (aka “haterz” to cool ppl who wear shades in the club) have a new Facebook plug-in. You can now add a DISLIKE button to status updates.But there’s one catch: the person you are hating on must also have the plug-in. Well, there’s more than one catch. The plug-in is new so there’s a few minor problems with slow browsers. Also, just so the recipient of your hate does not feel too bad, the plug-in only allows one person to hate per update. So let the race to hate begin! You can download the Mozilla plug-in at: https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/47023 Please send this news to Beanie Sigel, Game and various readers of bossip.com ASAP. JUST SO I’M NOT A HATER, SHOUT-OUT TO MASHABLE.COM FOR THE STORY.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Dewan’s Top Models: Rachel from BET’s Caribbean Rhythms
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Dewan's Top Models
Back in the mid to late 90’s Rachel “The Great” Stuart was host of the BET show that no one watched for the videos entitled Caribbean Rhythms. She was “all that and a bag of chips” as we said at that time. In fact, along with Apollonia and Vanity she was the cause of many prepubescent boners. Although I have since overcome the light skin-itis, Rachel will always be memorable. Especially since I even had a chance to speak with her on the phone courtesy of Tavis “Change Black America and Get Rich” Smiley. To make a long story short, my frat brought Tavis down to my uni to speak. While we were escorting him from the airport I professed my youthful lust for Rachel. He called her up, I told her she was beautiful, she laughed at me and then I gave the phone back to Tavis. Damn, I have game! LOL. Nah fuck that, I’m SMH with a slight grin.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Dirty Old Talented Man: Philip Roth and “The Humbling”
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Arts
I’m not one for writing detailed book reviews, which is ironic considering I’m always asking people to review my book. But I have been on a recent reading binge so I’ve decided to start featuring a book every now and then. My most recent read was The Humbling by Philip Roth, one of the most praised and celebrated American writers of our time. He is also one of the horniest, as evidenced in this book where he describes sticking his thumb up his lover’s ass, who by the way happens to be an ex-lesbian.
Whether or not you enjoy those types of graphic passages (I find it elegant and honest) The Humbling is still worth a read. I won’t give the story away, and I’m too tired to write anymore, but the book centers on a elderly ex-stage actor who is now suicidal. I found the book tragic and after reading it I thought to myself “Damn man, who I am to complain about being 30 years old.” If you are looking forward to your golden years, don’t dare touch this book. If you like short and easy reads that make you feel a mixture of sadness, pain and relief–buy this book. While not Roth’s greatest work (I prefer The Dying Animal and others in that series), the horny old man continues to do his thing, even at 76 years old.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
