Black Men/White Women: Big Time Overstatement
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Social Comm
A post I read on Nakedwithsockson.com about the end of “black love” got me to thinking about the constant fear and alarmist reactions associated with black male/white female relationships. In fact, black men are with white women far less than other groups who date outside their race–only six percent of black males are married to a non-black woman. Most interracial relationships are among Asian women and white men, as 22 percent of Asian women have a non-Asian wife. Also, 15 percent of Hispanic men are married to someone outside their race. Yet, black men-white women relationships continue to be the most controversial. If you don’t believe me find the nearest black woman and ask her to name five black male celebrities that are married to white women, I bet she’ll rattle off the number in a second. Or just look at the black-flack given to Wesley Snipes (how can you dog Nino Brown!), Taye Diggs (Nas Lil Scrappy called him a coon one of his earlier CDs) and of course Tiger Woods.
In spite of these numbers we don’t hear the Asian of Latino communities talking about the end of intraracial love. There are a few billion people on this earth, if you must find someone of your own race your options are damn near unlimited. Or if you’re a black woman, consider dating outside your race. Only two percent of black women do so, which is far less than the other races. Regardless, black love is not ending and black people will not become extinct.
So from where does this controversy stem? Obviously the media is the main culprit. Since the days of that hateful cinematic “masterpiece” that made black men look like animals preying on white female flesh there has been a fear of black male-white female relationships. The black community then adopted and changed these fears to the present theme of “we’re losing all our black men.” Bottom line, it just ain’t happening. Like Jay-Z said “Men lie, women lie–numbers don’t.” And if the numbers increase who gives a damn.
If you want to read more about interracial relationships check out my tips to surviving an interracial relationship amongst the stares, often troublesome molding of cultures and flat-out hate from “friends” and family. And for the scholars out there you might want to check out a book that I skimmed through by Kellian Craig-Henderson entitled Black Men in Interracial Relationships, I’m sure you can buy it on Amazon.
Damn, that was a short social commentary. Well just one more thing: I don’t capitalize the terms white and black because they are only symbolic of color and not culture, plus its grammatical incorrect to do so (Not that I’m a constant stickler). However, I do capitalize terms such as African-American and Caucasian, which symbolize ethnicity. Peace out and let the Cablasian brother Tiger breathe a little bit.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
13 Responses to “Black Men/White Women: Big Time Overstatement”
-
Allana Lake Says:
December 15th, 2009 at 3:25 pmPreach!
-
ndygo sunshyne Says:
December 15th, 2009 at 5:07 pmActually, this tension goes farther back than media overexposure on the subject. This goes back to the root of racism in this country & the ways in which black & white people have rubbed up against each other. You can find a link to slavery & PTSD (post traumatic slave disorder) for damn near everything. But this goes back to slave master destruction of families & the fear white men had of their women wanting to creep with a buck from the [slave] quarters. This wound runs deep which is why despite the stats you gave, people are still taking it personally.
I assume the black man with a white woman is simply a black man who isn’t available to me and pay him as little attention as I do any other man who’s already taken. My preference and my attraction is black men. But I ain’t losin’ no sleep over anybody making a choice outside their race. That’s their business.
I’m busy trying to make sure I don’t run up on any DL brothas.
Carry on…
-
Othaniel Cruickshank Says:
December 15th, 2009 at 5:41 pmI think you read the post wrong and hope you aren’t taking this personal because you’re in an interacial relationship. If we lived in a society where it was sort of OK to be everything but black , this would be a non issue. However, because of our history , I’m asking if interacial dating can be an effect. Does this apply to everyone ? Of course not but can alot of people fall under this umbrella ?….yes. I sort wish that I didn’t use the “Type ” of woman example because thats been the focus. I can use other examples to describe a certain outlook within the black community.
-
Mike Says:
December 15th, 2009 at 5:42 pmWe live in a society that promotes fear of self acceptance and respect for others, and encourages folks to suppress their true selves. There is no logical reason that interracial couples are still a stigmatized. Think Loving v. Virginia, which the Court decided in 1967, ended restrictions on race-based marriages in this country. Nonetheless, here we are still acting as if a social construction such as race should trump a person’s attraction toward their mate.
The same issue manifests itself in Sunshyne’s comment: “I’m busy trying to make sure I don’t run up on any DL brothas.” While I don’t question the sincerity or necessity of her feelings, it’s important to note that many “DL brothas” and sistas (yes, they too exist) are on the downlow because of fear. They have been raised in environments where being “different” or “funny” (gotta love that word) is seen as equally immoral as being a pedophile or murderer.
We have to promote a culture that encourages acceptance. A culture where DL brothas and sisters can be themselves, and be honest with themselves. A culture where Sunshyne and other men and women can love out of fear of betrayal and deceit. A culture where DL brothas and sisters no longer fear the Sunshynes of the world or themselves. And most importantly, a culture everyone can celebrate black cock and white p^ssy or whatever floats their boat.
Life’s too short for anything else.
-
Dewan Gibson Says:
December 15th, 2009 at 8:31 pmOthaniel,
My comments were not in response to the post, they were in response to one of the comments that read something like “I’m against interracial dating for non-racist reasons.” I actually enjoyed the post, as it was different than what I normally find on NWSO.No worries about me taking anything personal. I always say if I was dating a white woman I’d take her to an Urban League, NAACP or New Black Panther Party meeting. Nothing worse than being ashamed of your partner and I’ve never felt that way about my current Asian girlfriend or any other women I’ve dated with in the past (though there were a few flings I’m not proud of, but that’s for completely different reasons lol).
Anyway, I’m not sure if you wrote the NWSO because if I remember correctly it was listed as anonymous. If you did, it was well-written and definitely sparked conversation during an otherwise lackluster day. Be easy.
-
Dewan Gibson Says:
December 15th, 2009 at 8:35 pm“Post-traumatic slave disorder” I LIKES THAT! I’m not sure how much of our current problems we can blame on slavery and racism, but all-in-all we’re doing fairly well. Though the media often highlights the negative the majority of African Americans are going to work, school, raising families, etc. We are NOT in jail in prison as many (even black ppl) believe. Thanks, and consider your “post-traumatic slave disorder” term stolen:)
-
Othaniel Cruickshank Says:
December 15th, 2009 at 9:36 pmGot it , Thanks I did write it …..
-
ndygo sunshyne Says:
December 16th, 2009 at 3:46 pmDewan, I didn’t coin the term. It actually exists & I borrowed it. So feel free to use it. The truth of the matter is that this whole PTSD thing is a mixed bag. I doubt there’s another group of people in the world who are so many years past their holocaust (& that’s exactly what the slave trade was) and still reeling from the effects of it. The reality of it is that it’s difficult to separate from because our identity and psycho-emotional climate (yeah, I’m throwing around big shit tonight, LOL) is still rooted in racism. We’ve collectively, not necessarily as individuals, taken on and accepted the notion that we are less than. We accept less than, treat each other less than, expect less than, give and receive less than… You get the picture. That has shown itself in how we feel about ourselves in ways obvious and not. It’s deep. I’d love to rattle off some books for you/y’all to peruse but I actually can’t call them up in this moment because I’ve been inundated with this information all my life and try as often as possible (believe it or not) not to transmit it. Most don’t want to hear it anyway.
-
James Joyce Says:
December 16th, 2009 at 3:52 pmQuite the topic to tackle. But my personal favorite is the grammatical disclaimer/editors note at the bottom. Get it, Get it!
-
Dewan Gibson Says:
December 16th, 2009 at 5:10 pmNo need to hear it from books, the knowledge is coming straight from you. Betty Shabazz would be proud! I agree that a fair portion of our people have a negative self-worth. While some of us have more opportunities than others, there’s not too many excuses for not achieving some sort of success. Just think: Frederick Douglass was around in a time where you would get your ass beat for learning how to read. But he still became highly educated. Now we have kids who get paid to go to school and still don’t show up! But as I said yesterday, the vast majority of us are doing well. We just have to find someway to reach those a little less enthusiastic about achievement.
Now, if your mother was on crack and your father was selling her crack you might have some issues and that’s understandable. But we have kids in the ‘burbs who go to good schools f****in it all up because they want to be “hard.” Like my 12th grade math teacher at John Hay High said “Don’t be a hipster dufus.”
-
ndygo sunshyne Says:
December 16th, 2009 at 5:59 pmComplacency means a feeling of smug or uncritical satisfaction with one’s self or one’s achievements. The key term to me is uncritical satisfaction. Many aren’t bothering to think. The other part of this is a lack of shame. Too much passes as OK now, & we’re finding more & more cheeks to turn by the damn day. You wouldn’t believe what passes for conversation in the grocery store line in my hood. What I’ve heard on buses in my car-free days would make you wonder just WHO are these people you’re labeling alright. I’m a teacher. & I’m scared. Not of the future, but for it. Not enough of us are passing on valuable ANYTHING to kids who are comfortable working for nothing.
This could go on forever. I promise not to respond to this thread anymore. *backing away slowly, looking for the side door* -
Dewan Gibson Says:
December 17th, 2009 at 7:18 pmI enjoy your comments. Looks like you need to send a guest blog over! Waiting…waiting…waiting
-
Ruby Says:
December 17th, 2009 at 9:23 pmThese comments have been a pleasure to read. I agree with some of what has been said, disagree with some, but while I have mentally gone on like 22 tangents while reading the comments, I’m going to stick with my original thought while reading your post.
Sorry, my beef is with the concept of using marriage statistics to determine which races are more or less likely to be in interracial relationships. Understandable that you’ve got to use some kind of statistic now and again, but given the fact that marriage isn’t the norm nowadays, especially within North America, I don’t think it’s a good indicator of which races have more relationships outside of their own race/culture.
Of course, my personal observations are from a Canadian perspective, but here there is a very common phenomenon. While it is true that for most of the black men who are married are in fact married to black women, it seems that many of the young black men who aren’t at the “marriage point” yet exclusively date white women. I’m not overexaggerating, in fact in college a couple of my peers actually ran a study on just this topic and the results were shocking.
I would also like to say that while I am one of those women whom has never dated anyone who wasn’t black (OK, well I did twice, but I say never to make the general point – one was a french dude when I was in grade 7 and one was a a guy from Pakistan when I was 18 – he couldn’t tell his parents that I existed whatsoever so clearly that wasn’t going to last) I don’t date black men only based on race. It’s not that I intentionally only date within my race, it just always happens that way. Quite frankly, I don’t often find very many men very attractive, and usually those men just happen to be black.
And if you notice I use the term black religiously. I find the term “African-American” to be extremely insulting, since I am NOT African (my family is from Jamaica) and I know many African people. We have very different cultures, very different upbringings and at times very different beliefs. I don’t want to be called something I am not. So for me, to keep things simple, I use the term Black. I am a proud Black woman, and if you want to know more about me, I am Jamaican-Canadian…I have actually gotten into arguments with people who call me African-American… sorry, its something that clearly grinds my gears :-p
Awesome post though, I think every time I reread it something new occurs to me!
