I Ain’t Really the Best Interviewee…
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Arts, Humor
Check out the pics from a recent book singing in Cincinnati, Ohio. I had not been to Cincy in 20 odd years, but was delighted to see such a fashionable city. Men and women, young and old, LOVE fur. Not just brown fur–white fur, purple fur, raccoon fur, fur and leather, fur made Ashanti’s sideburns. Cincinnati is just a furry ass town. Anyway, I had a great time and felt honored at the hospitality.
Signing a book
I’ve also included an interview from my appearance on The Young Turks last year. I’ll admit…I’m a bit nerdy and it comes off in interviews. Fuck it, what you see is what you get. My id does the writing and a relatively geeky dude does the talking. The internet gangsters came in full force after the interview, lambasting me as Gay Urkel. You can read more about it here. I felt down for a bit, but then I did some yoga and listened to “Party All the Time” by Eddie Murphy and Rick James and felt a lot better. Enjoy the weekend–I’ll soon be back for a post featuring my favorite one-liners from Black Dynamite.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
LOOPTWORKS Clothing: Upcycle Before the Hipsters Make it Uncool
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Fashion
Most of the clothing I wear is made in Asian factories by thin children with early onset arthritis and little hope for a fair wage. This sucks because the kids are often cute and if they lived in an opportune society they could make it far, maybe even star in an Asian American version of Jersey Shore called Anaheim Shore.
To make matters worse besides putting my empty bottles and cans in the dumpster that’s easy for the silent old man who sleeps outside to enter, I do very little recycling.
Obviously my actions silently condone global economic inequality and environmental destruction. So in some ways I’m no better than an elderly republican congressman who: 1) extols the virtues of capitalism while a third of the world lives on a scoop of rice a day, and 2) claims that global warming is a natural phenomenon.
But until I correct my bad economic and environmental habits I can do one thing, and that is to support brands like LOOPTWORKS, a Portland, Oregon based manufacturer that makes clothing from excess material. In other words, they create eco-friendly clothing from materials that are leftover at other factories. The term for this process is “Upcycling” and I’m sure it will soon become part of the hipster lexicon (tree huggers start the slang, takes about 12-18 months to reach the hipsters).
The picture above is of a LOOPTWORKS jacket that looks like something David Beckham would wear. And if it’s good enough for that lady killer David Beckham, it’s damn sure good enough for me. You can see more LOOPTWORKS products for men and women at www.LOOPTWORKS.com. BTW I was not compensated for the post. But it would be cool if they send me the David Beckham jacket or possibly arrange a date with a sexy saleslady.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Dancing is a SPORT!
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, Why I Luv My People
I know at some point I’m gonna get my ass beat if I keep stealing Facebook pictures. But when I see stuff like the Facebook stalker with a Lycra tank top I can’t help it. Or better yet, when I see a picture of somebody coming off the dance floor looking like Pat Riley just made him run suicide drills before he hit the club…it has to be posted!
Looked at him, just done sweated out his club shirt. All that purple silk just drenched.That little thin ass tank top underneath didn’t stand a chance. But that’s what you get for dry humping on the dance floor. I wasn’t there, but I bet he wasn’t doing a two step. Bet he was out there rock hard, just grinding and poking. Grinding and poking…
But look at the smile on his face. He knows the work he put in on the dance floor is gonna pay off. Damn! He was ready. Had the goatee lined up, The Club shirt on. Probably had on some jeans with a mean crease AND some Stacy Adams loafers. I bet the Stacy Adams had duck tape on the sole just in case he has to take them back tomorrow. Don’t act like you haven’t done it!
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Stacey Dash…Just Cause
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Dewan's Top Models
There’s no rhyme, reason or meaning to this post. I was reading something in the New York Observer about Dame Dash’s artist enclave for hipsters and hip-hoppers and the name Dash stuck in my head. So I thought “Humm…Dame Dash, big time record producer/man about town, but more importantly Stacey Dash’s cousin.” I then thought “I wonder what Stacey is up to. Haven’t heard much from her since SHE POSED FOR THE BEST MAGAZINE COVER IN THE HISTORY OF MAGAZINES!”
So here you are. Pics of Stacy as a very youthful 42 year old. Sometime it’s just good to see a nice ass and an overall swell lady on an otherwise uneventful Monday. The pic below is one that she emailed me, but I was in a relationship at the time and didn’t want to get in a situation that would require me to issue a 20 minute public apology based on a five minute speech that ends with a much too aggressive hug from Mama. Shit!
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Judge Mathis: One Of My Favorite People
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, Social Comm
Before starting this post I want to reaffirm my love for Judge Judy. I’ve spoken of her in glowing terms usually reserved for models of womanhood such as Mary-Mother of Jesus and Sheila-Mother of Dewan, Wayne, Durrell and Lashaunta. However, there is another TV judge that I admire and that’s Judge Mathis.
I started digging Judge Mathis years ago when I noticed a number of his proceedings included the phrase “Y’all must of had something freaky going on!” Often the litigants did NOT have anything freaky going on, but being such an astute Judge, Brotha Mathis figured he should ask anyway. Plus he wanted to be ready in case some freaky shit did jump off after the show.
Sadly Judge Mathis is not shown on basic TV in San Diego. I guess it’s kind of like how The Man puts literature by black authors in the “black section” of the bookstore despite the story of the novel having little or nothing to do with the black experience. Well, the same for Judge Mathis. He’s a black judge so I guess they figure only markets with large black populations are interested in seeing if there actually is “something freaky going on.”
But thanks to the magic of the internet I was able to see Judge Mathis on Youtube. Check him out discussing the prison industrial complex and the need for reform (WTF! Corporate owned prisons paying inmates $1 a day!).
Anyway, if you’re one of those fancy, rich progressive people with hundreds of cable channels and multiple episodes of shows like The Colbert Report stored on your DVR (whatever that is), feel free to invite me over so we can try and find Judge Mathis. Until then watch him above and below.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Kid Cudi Models for Calvin Klein: I Now Have Hope
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Arts, Humor
Fellow Clevelander (damn Shaker boy) Kid Cudi is involved in a lot good shit: HBO series, rapping, singing and whimpering, being emo, threatening to retire after his first record, punching fans and now modeling!
Months ago I noted my aspirations to become an internationally known underwear model in the JcPenney catalog. Regrettably the industry was not ready for a thin, octaroon models with kiwi fruit chest hair. But now Cudi and his old man body have opened up new doors. If he can get a shirtless gig for Calvin Klein, surely I can at least get a placement in a Target photoshoot wearing a tank top and Mossimo jeans. We’ll see…
Anyway, check out a full episode of Kid Cudi’s new HBO series, How to Make it in America. He only gets about 30 seconds of screen time in this episode, and uses it to do the Cleveland Shake, but I read that he’ll soon have a larger role. Clelveand stand up! (Damn I feel so hip saying that).
Oh forget the full episode, embedding has been disabled by corporate hacks. Here’s the YOUTUBE LINK.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Arthur Kade & The Imperfect Enjoyment
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Arts
I’m sure many of you have heard of aspiring actor/writer/A-list baller Arthur Kade, as his Journey as attracted a fair amount of media attention. To make a long story short, Kade quit his lucrative job in finance to pursue superstardom. Along the way he has offended many with his “arrogance” (i.e. rating system for women, third person blogging, proclaiming himself the next coming of insert name of any world famous actor).
Yet, as someone who understands what it’s like to pursue a dream I’m with Brother Kade one hundred percent. To ditch comfort and safety for a dream is simply a fantasy to most, as we allow our youthful enthusiasm for life to be eroded by normal expectations. But Arthur said “fuck it” and hate him or love him he’s doing what many fear.
I’ve been a fan of his blog for a few months and notice how the haters/readers constantly leave negative comments. But hey, at least their reading. Besides anyone who criticizes another person’s dream is probably woefully unhappy as they progress through a 30 year rot in a cave-like cubicle with equally unhappy office mates and constant internet monitoring. That ain’t life!
He’s abrasive and frank, perhaps that’s off putting to some. But if you’ve ever pursued a dream you can help but to respect him. Do your thing Brother Arthur. Check out Arthur Kade’s blog here.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Tips for Random Acts of Kindness Day
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor
Today, February 17, marks the official Random Acts of Kindness Day. I have no idea who created this “holiday,” but I’m sure they smelled a potential melee of greeting card profits. Regardless, since I’m an incredibly kind person who enjoys performing random acts of kindness like holding doors open for women (which is a great opportunity to get a no-hassle peak at an often nice ass) and throwing scalding hot water on stray cats that seek warmth under my parked car, I figure I should offer suggestions for those unsure about what to do on Random Acts of Kindness Day. Here you go:
-As I write, millions of people are in the office bored as hell. They all look tired and disappointed as if they wasted 10 bucks to see Wolfman. Do one of them a favor and he or she will forever appreciate your kindness. Go up to him and say “There’s a better way to stay awake at work besides coffee.” As soon as his eyes widen in wonderment just smack the shit out of him.
-Vagrants across the United States have only the scraps of food from warm-hearted democrats to eat. However, this food is often unhealthy. Do your local vagrant a favor and give him a free copy of a Michael Pollan book. Perhaps The Omnivore’s Dilemma? And strongly suggest that he watch his diet.
-Working women are often victims of the double shift. Meaning they hold down a full-time job and also perform housework and motherly duties at home. What sucks is that they are paid less than men for the same work. Also, the child rearing sometimes goes astray and they end up raising future petty criminals and reality TV stars. To make life just a bit easier for the working mothers out there do this: Lather your hands in Crisco (olive oil for the health conscious), go to a place where working mothers tend to congregate (Target or Walmart) and after approaching her unannounced commence to giving her a free oil massage. She may resist at first, but if you repeat “You know you like it!” over and over again she might relax. Explain to the police that you are just being kind and that they should be out there arresting the powers-that-be who allow women to be paid 78 cents for every dollar a man makes.
-It’s a shame how overweight people are discriminated against. It’s crazy that a rich, fat film director can’t even get a seat on a discount airline (and did you see how Tyra was treated when she wore a fat suit!). Imagine what sort of effect this treatment has on an obese person’s self-worth. Well, today is the day that you make the Kevin Smiths of the world feel much better. Go up to the next overweight guy you see and say “Hi. Not sure if anyone has told you this…but you’re pretty good looking for a big face.” Then for extra emphasis, scream “BIG FACE!” at the top of your lungs.
I hope you enjoy Random Acts of Kindness Day to the fullest. Be sure to let me know any suggestions you have for making the world a better place, one person at a time. Better yet, let me know how it goes when you implement my suggestions.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Yes, There Are Good People Who Review Humor Books
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Arts, Humor
Check out two recent reviews of The Imperfect Enjoyment. The first is courtesy of 410media.com, a site featuring independent music and literature. I also did an online reading for them that you should be posted soon. I don’t read aloud very well, and strongly dislike people who read aloud in front of others, but I think it turned out OK. I’ll be sure to put my shameless self-promotion cap on again and let everyone know when the reading is posted.
The second review comes from Listentoleon.net, a humor blog by Leon Scott who used to write for King Magazine. The pic above is from one of his recent posts titled “Get Some Stank On Your Hand” and if you’re reading this blog you’re probably into that type of shit. Be sure to check out his site. You never know? He might have a hookup with one of dimes featured in King Magazine (ex: Rosa Acosta). Anyway, shout out to Leon. And like I told him before: Game recognize game, good hair recognize good hair.
Lastly, if you have seven or eight bucks that it now costs on Amazon, be sure to order my book. I appreciate the numerous people who’ve said “Let me get a copy of your book,” (for free I assume), but I GOTZ to make ends meet. Besides if you saw Will Smith walking down the street you wouldn’t say “Hey man, let me get a copy of your movie.” You’d probably say “Big Will, going to see your movie tonight…can’t wait!” And he’s already rich! Not to say I’m as handsome or talented as The Fresh Prince, but you get my drift.
But thanks a lot for the support. I’m always humbled to hear that people enjoy my work. Well, enough of that sentimental shit. If you want to read more reviews of my work or excerpts CLICK HERE. Peace.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
F.R.E.S.H. Thee Apparel (What Would Jesus Wear)
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Fashion
I love to see my former students doing well. While some are constantly trying to sell me Prepaid Legal Services and others are busy proselytizing about Jay-Z and the Illuminati, most are achieving big thangs. Yes, that’s correct not “big things” but “big thangs.”
One of those students is Brandon Nelson, founder of a Christ-centered clothing line called F.R.E.S.H. Thee Apparel. Although Jesus Christ is not known for his fashion sense (though He did start the Birkenstock craze), what Brandon has done is create a modern, fashionable way for His followers to express their beliefs with clothing that has biblical passages and imagery (just check it out, it actually looks cool). Which I say is a much more effective way to spread the gospel than handing out pamphlets describing the likelihood of eternal damnation.
You can check out Brandon’s line at www.iamfreshonline.com.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
John Mayer Said Nigga: Who Gives a Damn…
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Social Comm
A number of black themed blogs are upset about John Mayer’s “nigger” comments…and it’s a whole bunch of racket about nothing. The minute someone lacking in melatonin says “nigga” or “nigger” the context behind their statements is disregarded and an immediate racism examination is conducted.
In short, the offender is screened for their history with black people, someone calls Jesse, someone calls Al and then the offender issues an apology—just to shut everyone up. White liberals and black intellectuals continue to pounce on the offender until he or she completes six months of nigga punishment, which includes additional apologies and service to the black community.
As you can read below from Mayer’s conversation with Playboy, this ain’t exactly Michael Richards at the Los Angeles Laugh Factory. Mayer is making the point that if he was genuinely accepted within the black community perhaps he would have the go ahead to use the word “nigger” (NOTE: Considering publications ALWAYS print “nigger” when someone says “nigga” I assume Mayer actually said “nigga”—not that it makes any difference to the ultra sensitive).
I suppose Mayer could have said “n-word” instead of actually saying “nigger.” But I suppose the vast majority of African Americans, Latinos and Filipinos could do the same. Yes, in case you didn’t know the “n-word” is common among the three ethnic groups mentioned.
Listen, I find it funny when Chris Rock says “There’s a difference between niggas and black people.” I laugh just as hard when he calls white people “crackers.” I also find it funny when friends say “Nigga please!”
So I refuse to display the blatant hypocrisy that comes with laughing when one person says it and criticizing another, despite the fact that the person is not even calling someone “nigger” or “nigga.”
He is alluding to a term! Sorry, but I can’t aid in creating an environment where someone cannot even discuss the term, without actually saying the term. Nigga, nigga, nigga. Big deal.
Think of it this way. Say I’m with female friends, and as manly men like myself often do, I blurt out the lyrics to Lady Gaga and scream ”I’m a free bitch!” However, say one of the women I’m with gets offended. Is her offense justified? Do I really need to be called a chauvinist? Does my picture on a “Wanted: Dead or Alive” poster really need to be sent to the National Organization for Women? No!
Bottom line, save for the anger for real racism—Michelle Obama’s picture altered to look like monkey, the Michael Bell shooting and verdict, US immigration policy towards Haiti—not some singer who makes light of a supposed dirty, yet sacred term that is consistently used in a NUMBER of communities.
Pick your battles wisely, this ain’t one of them.
A portion of Mayer’s interview is below. You can read the rest by clicking HERE.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”
PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.
MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.
PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?
MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.
PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.
MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.
Why I Luv My People (And not just the light skinned ones) Big Black Women Know How to Have a Good Time
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, Why I Luv My People
Videos like this one make me so proud to be black. Despite being subjugated and placed at the bottom of America’s social ladder BIG BLACK WOMEN know how to have a damn good time. Fuck a diet! These women are big, proud and ready to get down. I need a big black woman in my life…
Oh yeah…shout out to Dave, Ricky, Omar & Vic: BIIIIIIIIIIIIG FACE!
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
The Truth About Sexual Addiction
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, Social Comm
Former ESPN baseball analyst Steve Phillips was on “The Today Show” to discuss his battle with sex addiction. To make a long story short the 40-something Mr. Phillips and his magnificent goatee cheated on his wife with a 22 year old production assistant (as documented when I inducted Mr. Phillips into my Player Hall of F(sh)ame).
The chubby assistant fell in love with Mr. Phillips. Out of a jealous anger she then confronted his wife by texting “We both can’t have him” and later showed up at her house. She also reached out to one of his four children via a fake identity on Facebook to get the inside scoop on the marriage. Mr. Phillips and the production assistant were both fired from ESPN. His goatee was fired a week later.
Mr. Philips is now attempting to rehabilitate his image and has completed a second go-around at the same sex addiction clinic where Tiger Woods is allegedly receiving treatment. So…to finally get to the point, this sex addiction phenomenon is starting to reek of bullshit.
For one, sexual activity is a biologically inherent trait. Males are programmed to reproduce, and exercise their chances to have a successful reproductive act. Which means having sex with women of child bearing age and appearance. Key word being the plural of woman, WOMEN.
But marriage is a social norm that tells us we should only express this reproductive trait with a woman whom you file a joint tax return. As a result you have this male conflict between biology and the desirable social norm to have a happy family life and not lose half of everything you own. Some men choose the former; some choose the latter, while others want both.
So to say Steve Phillips and Tiger Woods are sex addicts is a bit of a stretch. But they are men who share three characteristics: 1) They have options 2) They have the means and 3) They are arrogant.
An average (or even less than average) looking man with stable employment and confidence/arrogance will be attractive to a lot of women. But multiply that times 1,000 and make that same less than good looking man rich and powerful. That equals PUSSY GALORE! I know you probably didn’t learn that equation in ninth grade algebra, but it’s true. (Men + extraordinary means=options) x (arrogance)=PUSSY GALORE. For example: Bill Clinton, David Duchovny and that to a lesser extent that nigga in the club buying out the bar all have options. And they have a near unlimited amount of means. It’s a dangerous mix.
The good news is that many or most men grow out of their selfish phase and commit to an ordinary married life. But an arrogant man never leaves the selfish phase that most of us overcome in our mid to late 20’s. An arrogant man believes he DESERVES a loyal wife, a stable family, a harem of average looking women, or at least a chubby intern to mess around with.
He is also arrogant enough to believe he will never be caught. And if he is caught, he can deal with it anyway. Because in his eyes, and often in the eyes of others, HE’S THE SHIT!
This behavior often continues until the arrogant man with options and the means, is truly humbled by his behavior blowing up in his face, or simply accepts that he is not husband material—which is OK!
But until then he has no business being married, and these silly ass women have no business thinking they can change him after marriage. You can excuse his behavior by labeling it an addiction or simply see it for what it is: options, means and arrogance.
NOTE: I am not an expert in relational therapy or any associated field. However, I do hold a Master of Arts in the Easy Classes from San Diego State University. I have also conducted extensive observational and participatory research on fidelity. I have moderate options and means, but have worked hard to eliminate arrogance while maintaining confidence.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Calm, But Sho’ Nuff Ain’t Cool!
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor
I’m very calm, but definitely not cool. Unlike the the ultra-hip deadbeat dads on “The Maury Povich Show” I cannot refer to myself “Mr. Swagtastic.” Unlike hip-hop star T.I. I cannot remove my shirt in public to show the world my rib bones and shout “Who am I/Rubberband Man/Wild as the Taliban.” Unlike the black guy standing on the side of the dance floor at your local night club, I cannot nod my head on beat while simultaneously sipping Hennessy (with just a splash of Coke). And lastly, unlike the men who model in GQ I cannot appear extra fashionable and take photos that maintain an air of masculinity. When I do attempt to give the GQ look I end up with homoerotic pictures like the one below. This one was taken New Year’s Eve 2006, but for obvious reasons was held in secrecy for years and years. Note: No matter what the picture indicates the young man and I both had female dates. Well, I think we did.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Who’s MY Celebrity Look-a-like?!? A Doppelganger Debacle! (Guest Blog by Eric Garcia)
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Guest Blog
First we had Ken “Dallas Sexy” Gibson as a guest blogger, then Mia “Skinny Penis” Sabatino, then Courtney “The Real Nene” Favors and now…Eric “I ain’t white, I’m brown!’ Garcia.Check out his guest blog about the Doppelganger Debacle. Come on y’all! You ain’t Denzel and your girl ain’t Halle Berry! But I guess we all can dream. Be easy.
So, over the last week or two, as a professional “in-class-Facebooker,” I have noticed a new trend; Making your profile picture that of a celebrity that you feel you look alike. This is cool and all and I must admit I have often found myself wondering, “Hmm, I wonder who I look the most like?” (However, this is not the point of this guest blog…btw, shout out to Big D Gibson…I got you)
This new fad has been ongoing for roughly two weeks now on the social site, and seems to actually be pretty popular. I’ve even seen whole photo albums FULL of picture of celebrities that one particular person feels they resemble (come on now girl you KNOW you don’t look like Beyonce!) There are also a few groups that have come to be only for the “doppelganger” friendly people AND I’m NOW being told by the Huffington post that “coming hot on the heels of ‘bra color status updates,’ ‘doppelganger on Facebook’ is the social networking site’s latest fad.” (Bra color status??? What the F*@k is THAT about?!) And as of 3 pm on 2/4 it made the top 4 news stories on Yahoo! News!!!! Are you serious!?
Side-note: Have we really become so bored with life that we get off on logging in to Facebook to see what color bra Amy Jo from 1st and Market St. is wearing? Mehh…whose complaining. (I hope it’s pink!)
Anyway, like I said earlier…this trend seems fun. No big deal for my friends to do it if they feel it’s the “cool” thing to do. However, I ran into a debacle due to this trend that has lit a flame under my ass. The other night, I realized I had an assignment due in one of my classes, maybe the one I’m in now? Whatever, anyway… I realized I had no contact information for anyone in my class and had only talked to ONE person the whole time. I got smart, logged on to blackboard, and pulled up my class roster in an attempt to make contact. Taking the class roster, I logged into Facebook, however this time it wasn’t to feed my fish on Fishville. No, I logged on in an attempt to find SOMEONE who was in my class and perhaps get their email or cell number.
At the time this seemed like a genius idea… considering I was using my brain to solve a problem, I felt I was using college experiences wisely. So I type in the first name and I click search and begin my investigation. And who do I see? Is that Ashton Kutcher? Wtf…I didn’t know I was friends with….oh son of a b**ch! Let me recap; I knew no one in this class especially by name. It’s not like I could just say oh yeah I know that Brittany girl. Why can’t I? Because when I type in Brittany so-and-so’s name…all I get is a damn picture of Meghan Fox! And no…she doesn’t look like Meghan Fox (at least I don’t think, I haven’t seen a Meghan Fox worthy girl around here at all let alone in my class, so until that happens I’m unconvinced)
I continued this search and realized that nearly 90% of people in my class had celebrities as their profile picture. This is just ridiculous! (For those of you who care…I DID end up getting the information I needed from Paris Hilton, or at least that’s who she resembled)
Moral to my story? END DOPPELGANGER WEEK…or month…or year, or wtf ever it has become now. Please Facebook I beg of you, let me have my friends back! (Fact: Did you know that Doppelganger is actually illegal according to the Facebook terms of service? Yeah…I did my homework…)
My idea for a new trend? How about “I only have ____ days left of employment before my job goes down the toilet” That seems fitting for today’s lifestyle
I hate to complain (no I don’t) but I think it’s time we focus our energy into something more worthy of getting all worked up about. Forget about what celebrity you look like or what urbandictionary.com says “what your name means (again, if ur wondering, apparently my name means a retarded cat that flys by waving it’s tail in a circular motion… Ok? Can I have that 5 seconds of my life back please?)” Stop looking for something to do so you can fit in to society and just be yourself! Also…you don’t wanna break Facebook’s terms of service do you???
…I didn’t think so
Eric and Macaulay Culkin
Remakes, Remixes: We Are The World…Redone
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor, Social Comm
Come on man, “We Are the World 2010.” Bullshit! If the song doesn’t include an artist with a Jheri curl and a bedazzled glove, it shouldn’t be called “We Are the World.” If the song doesn’t have the real Stevie Wonder in it, it shouldn’t be called “We Are the World.” Well, maybe Stevie wonder is in the new version, but I’m talking about the slim, sexual Stevie. Not the Stevie that’s been fuckin’ with all those fried foods.
You’re telling me that 90 of the supposed most creative singers in the world couldn’t come up with a title besides “We Are the World 2010.” How about “Haiti! Rise!” Or since we have a few rappers involved how about “Haiti Up In This Bitch!” Remade movies, remixed songs and now a redone fundraiser. Where’s the creativity? They’re even copying the whole look of the stage.
Bottom line, no matter how good this song sounds it cannot create the same energy as the original version. Reason #1: We’ve seen this before. Reason #2: We’re dealing with an unpreventable natural disaster, as opposed to a large scale fully preventable mass starvation. Reason #3: In the age of the internet, most of the artists are overexposed.
When the first “We Are the World” was released it was rare to see most of the artists on the stage, let alone see them together. Think about Michael Jackson at the top of his popularity. He was rarely seen! He’d show up at an awards show looking all shy and mysterious and shiny, had an occasional video, but that was about it. Even though he was the most famous man in the world, he was hiding out like a Chupacabra in Puerto Rico. And when he was seen, he barely said a word. He just got his skinny ass on stage and did something NEW and CREATIVE.
But now you can see any these artists simply by typing their names in Google. Not to mention their Twitter accounts, blogs, video after video, advertisement for their colognes and perfumes, interviews with Jay, Dave, Oprah, Tyra, Jimmy, Conan and Ellen, gossip shows, guest appearances on sitcoms, at Starbucks or Nobu trying to be seen, but not seen. Shit!
I’ll admit the cause is admirable. But from 90 creatives and eccentrics I expect more. And I haven’t even heard the goddamn song yet.
UPDATE: IT HAS JUST BEEN CONFIRMED THAT VINCE VAUGHN ALSO SINGS ON THE NEW “WE ARE THE WORLD.” YES, VINCE “MOTOR BOAT” VAUGHN FROM WEDDING CRASHERS. NO LIE!
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
Four Activites More Fun Than a Bar or Nightclub
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor
1) Write and produce my first gangster rap. During my recently renewed interest in hip-hop, I’ve noticed the music has gone a bit soft and is marketed toward skinny jean wearing punks. In other words, people like me. But to bring the culture back to the NWA days I want to make something extra ignorant. I’m talking about the type of song that will make you go to Walmart and piss on prepackaged steaks (see video below). But my song will be even harder. It’ll make you go to Mama’s house and piss on the Sunday dinner; it’ll make you smack the shit out of somebody just for blinking his eyes. Obviously it’s only February 1, so the song is a work in progress. But here’s the chorus: “You don’t ever wanna fuck with me/Beat your girl up/Steal her fuckin’ ovaries/Sell them bitches 2 for 1/Get my cash/Buy my gun/Kill you/Take your wealth/So damn crazy/I’ll kill myself.” Damn! That’s hot son!
2) Find a sleeping hummingbird at night. This might sound a bit strange, but for the past seven years I’ve been inspired by hummingbirds. Back in 2003 I was going through hard times (balls were clogged up, bank told me I couldn’t deposit coins in the ATM, ex-girlfriend was taking me to Judge Judy cus I owed her half the money for her abortion). In fact, times were so hard that I would just stay in the bed and sleep my sorrows away. Eventually I grew tired of the routine and said to myself while half asleep “Jesus help me. If you are real please show me a sign or something!” And for the first 30-45 seconds nothing happened. So I just figured He was busy freeing Whitney Houston from her crack addiction. But then a hummingbird appeared in my bedroom window and stayed there for about a minute, just looking so colorful and serene. Since then I’ve been curious to know how the only bird that can fly in reverse operates, how many hours they sleep at night, if they have a totalitarian or democratic system of government, etc, etc. But most of all I want to visit them while they’re sleeping, just as they came to me when I needed them most.
3) Kidnap a toddler. Now, now…before you rush to judgment let me explain. There are far too women young mothers out there who would rather shop and talk on their cell phones, when they should be keeping their children on human leashes. Thus, we have this pandemic of toddlers who can’t walk well getting in the way of full grown adults. To combat this problem, during the month of February 2010 I will kidnap any stray toddlers that I see at public areas such as shopping malls. The kidnap will only be temporary. Meaning, I will snatch the kid and take off running to the other end of the mall. Approximately three minutes later I will return the child to the crying mother and say “Watch yo’ fuckin’ kids. So 1) They don’t get snatched and 2) They keep adult walking paths clear. By the way, would you like to hear my new gangster rap?”
4) Sing ‘Fair Eastside in the bathroom of my local inner city high school. Much like the aforementioned hummingbird, the film Lean On Me has proven to be inspirational. When I first heard Principal Joe Clark say “I ain’t got to do nothing but stay black and die!” I immediately wanted to say the same to my elementary school teachers. Unfortunately a terrible stuttering problem prevented me from doing so. Years later I would be even more inspired by the young troublemakers who were forced to sing the school song by Principal Clark. Those young men are the essence of black creativity. Their ability to sing so well AND maintain perfect Jheri curls is unparalleled. So to occupy my extra time I will get a Jheri curl, sneak onto the grounds of my local inner city high school and make fast friends with a few young students to complete the group. We will then pay tribute to the exemplary young men of Eastside High and Principal Joe Clark with a rendition of their beautiful song. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check the video below.
Well I’m sure these four gargantuan tasks for keep me busy during the next 28 days. I hope you join me on my nightclub and bar hiatus. After all, there’s nothing in the club but ass, titties and trouble. Good luck.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
