Men’s Bikini Underwear for Sale on Ebay: Great for Craigslist Casual Encounters
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Humor
I mentioned my famous bikini draws in an EARLIER POST and said I would explain later. Well, here it is. Eat your heart out sex muffins:
It is with great sadness that I say goodbye to my glittered bikini underwear. I purchased them nearly two years ago; just as the craze surrounding David Beckham’s Armani underwear advertisement was making women across the nation swoon. The reaction to Beckham’s loins was amazing! So I figured if my man package was also draped in designer bikinis I could progress from a “cute” boyish looking dude, to a man that chicks want to bone—more than once and not only when I pay.
However, due to California state budget cuts I lost my job as an adjunct faculty member, aka fake professor, at San Diego State University. I was crushed. In fact, I hadn’t felt that bad since the Gap introduced a gays only hiring policy and fired me as a smiling customer greeter. (They also said I didn’t say ‘Welcome to the Gap” with enough “sass.” Sorry, I meant “ssssass.”)
Anyway, my point is that I didn’t have enough money to buy those damn David Beckham Armani bikinis.
But being the crafty and innovative little bastard I am, I found a similar pair on sale at the discount clothing chain store Marshall’s. Maybe the cut and color were different, but they served the same purpose.
Well…they also did not come in a package and look slightly used, but they did come with a free plastic hanger. Which is cool because top quality underwear like these are meant to hung and showcased when not on some lucky man’s genitals.
After purchasing the underwear from Marshall’s my life changed completely. My butt, only slightly round and moderately well-built, morphed into a track star’s ass—raised high to the shoulders with great movement and no female-like jiggling.
As for my man-print…Lord have mercy. These bikinis made it look as if I had three legs and the testicles of a blue whale (which according to my fifth grade teacher have balls the size of a minivan).
But to take the underwear to a whole new level I stole some silver glitter from Wal-Mart and added a large letter “D” to the cock section. Why? Because with such an enhanced man-print women need to be forewarned that Dewan’s dangerous dick is coming their way. So forewarned they were, and also very much turned on.
You wouldn’t believe the number of responses I got to my Craigslist Casual Encounter post. No description was even needed. I just took an up close picture of the “D” and big beautiful women responded in mass, with a few leaving erotic responses like “I want you to touch me in my inside parts” and “If you taste as good as you look, consider your salad TOSSED.” Damn!
Unfortunately due to the dire economic conditions I am forced to sell THE bikini draws. To be specific I need to raise more money to promote my book, The Imperfect Enjoyment.
So bid your heart out. There’s no minimum bid, but I’m not sure you can put a price on a pair of life changing bikini underwear. So I’m expecting a bid somewhere near what Michael Jackson’s bedazzled glove went for. By the way…the underwear are a size small, but they can expand depending on your package. (I usually wear an XXS.) They also make a great gift for a person down on his or her luck.
Click here to access the auction.
Dewan W. Gibson: Author of The Imperfect Enjoyment
5 Responses to “Men’s Bikini Underwear for Sale on Ebay: Great for Craigslist Casual Encounters”
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Mr. Cease Says:
March 17th, 2010 at 3:47 pmHold up mane. So these draws aint new?
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ndygo sunshyne Says:
March 17th, 2010 at 4:10 pmMr. Cease,
Not only are they not new now, they apparently weren’t new when Dewan bought them for his “dangerous dick.” They are twice used, at the least.But uhhhh, what’s up with all the time you spend at Walmart, Dewan?? I’m concerned about you, especially since you rarely mention making a purchase, just that you were there.
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Dewan Gibson Says:
March 17th, 2010 at 4:14 pmMr. Cease, yes they are used lol. But let’s just call them vintage.
Ndygo! I live across the street from a 24 Hour Walmart and it’s like a nightclub in there. The other day the greeter said “see you tomorrow!” lol.
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