My Kids Are So Krunk…Based (Whatever The Cool Kids Say)

“Turn down for what?” Funny, we asked the same question the nights they were conceived. By the way, they don’t really dance…they just do what the music tells ‘em to do. So based. Oh yeah, there’s a third one. He was on the nipple during this epic production.

-Dewan Gibson

It’s Fun To Have Your Kids Battle For Your Attention

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Nile could have overpowered Ca$$ius with his brute strength–I know because he’s done it to me–but I think he’s saving the serious throw-down for that lil’ jabroni at Barnes & Noble who took his train last night.

-Dewan Gibson

Adrian Peterson Could Learn Something From Me

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Young Nile (aka Kim Jong Nile) made it near the top of the pole and then cried tears of joy/tears of not being able to get down because I couldn’t stop laughing and just had to get a picture. Maybe this is how Adrian Peterson should have disciplined his boy.

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-Dewan Gibson

My Three-Year-Old Trying To Do The Butterfly, I Guess

He could probably get suspended from preschool for dancing like this if a little girl is near, but 1) He doesn’t go to preschool because we can’t afford it; 2) He’s only kind of black so The Man would let him off with a warning.

-Dewan Gibson

Unintentional Toddler Twerk Team

I was afraid my kids would learn how to twerk from the YouTube videos I watch for research purposes or from my fiance doing her thing around the house (Prenatal Twerk Team). Turns out my oldest learned a variation of it from “The Nut Job,” which is a buddy film starring vermin.

-Dewan Gibson

Be A Good Father And Don’t Flip The Table In A Fit Of Rage

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My oldest boy is in a phase where he copies everything I do, which is very little so I’m sure he’ll grow to have a poor work ethic like his pa. Laziness aside, I really have to watch what I do in front him. Just imagine if he had seen me flip the table over in a fit of rage as I normally do when the hot sauce runs out.

-Dewan Gibson

My Newborn’s Foreskin Is A Keepsake I’ll Cherish Forever

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My third son, Larke Lawrence Wayne Gibson (the “e” in Larke is silent and very masculine), was born last Tuesday. This morning we reduced his chance of penile cancer and STDs by having his potentially embarrassing cock hoodie removed. As you can see in the picture above he was very content before the procedure (left) and somewhat surprised after the circumcision (right). Well, shocked would be a better description. Nonetheless he’ll be perfectly fine in a couple-few days.

Oh yeah, because we have great health insurance the doctor was nice enough to put Larke’s foreskin in a tiny jar for our keeping, which may be a new Obamacare provision. I plan to give it to him when he becomes a man on his tenth birthday, or sooner, if for some silly reason he decides he wants it reattached. Welcome to the world, Larke!

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-Dewan Gibson

Spent The Afternoon Teaching My Boys A Valuable Skill

Just think of yelling over someone as a more masculine version of “talk to the hand.” It’s perfectly suitable for those stressful times in their young lives, like when a hater preschool teacher asks them to clean up their mess or when Dad tells them they’re too old to boo-boo in their pants.

-Dewan Gibson

It’s Hard To Work From Home When Your Children Are Feral

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I hate to blame my kids for anything other than my lack of a social life and dwindling finances, but they’re a large part of the reason why I’ve been posting less often. As you can see in the video below I’m attacked whenever I search for blog content on Instagram using #donk, #culo, and #whooty–usually on orders from Mom.

I’ve also been working on a new blog unrelated to this one–Until26.com, a website that “presents community health policy and news in an understandable and maybe even enjoyable manner.” The big bucks that enable me to provide my family with Netflix and multiple Redbox Blu-Rays every month are largely made from my writing and program management work in community health. So, Until26 is an outlet to simultaneously express my joy and disdain over all this country’s healthcare changes and people who incessantly use terms like “gatekeepers” and “community buy-in.”

But I’m most excited about a new book I’m working on. By working on I mean I have about half of it outlined on my phone. Sooner than later, likely not too long after baby number three (De’Trey) is born in April, I’ll get back to my black roots and leave my family for a bit so I can write in peace.

Until then I’ll continue to write here (more often!) and hopefully get published in a few other outlets with larger audiences so my next book gets read by more than just old friends in the Ohio Department of Rehabilitation and Correction. Thanks for being one of the few unique people who continuously visit this blog.

-Dewan Gibson

I’m About To Have Another Baby, This Time He’s Black

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Thanks to God and my ineffective use of the pull-out method, our third son is due on April 20. Posted above is a recent picture of him looking all snug and warm in the womb. Like his brothers he has my soup-cooling lips (if you say “DSL” we’re fighting) and special bell pepper nose equipped with high-powered omni-directional nostrils.

Unlike my first two boys, who inherited the skin tone of their Nubian white mother, I have a feeling the new baby, like Gibsons before, is going to be a shade of sensual caramel-chocolate and a true brutha all-in-all. If you look closely at the picture you can even see him throwing up random hand signs.

We have yet to decide on a name but Trey might be a good fit since he’s our third baby. But with an added apostrophe or “De” so it’s more culturally appropriate: T’rey or De’Trey. So the Gibson boys will be Nile Anthony Wayne Gibson, Ca$$ius Carlis Wayne Gibson and De’Trey Barack-LeBron Wayne Gibson, male heirs of Dewan Wayne Baby D Gibson.

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-Dewan Gibson