Spent The Afternoon Teaching My Boys A Valuable Skill

Just think of yelling over someone as a more masculine version of “talk to the hand.” It’s perfectly suitable for those stressful times in their young lives, like when a hater preschool teacher asks them to clean up their mess or when Dad tells them they’re too old to boo-boo in their pants.

-Dewan Gibson

It’s Hard To Work From Home When Your Children Are Feral

feral-children

I hate to blame my kids for anything other than my lack of a social life and dwindling finances, but they’re a large part of the reason why I’ve been posting less often. As you can see in the video below I’m attacked whenever I search for blog content on Instagram using #donk, #culo, and #whooty–usually on orders from Mom.

I’ve also been working on a new blog unrelated to this one–Until26.com, a website that “presents community health policy and news in an understandable and maybe even enjoyable manner.” The big bucks that enable me to provide my family with Netflix and multiple Redbox Blu-Rays every month are largely made from my writing and program management work in community health. So, Until26 is an outlet to simultaneously express my joy and disdain over all this country’s healthcare changes and people who incessantly use terms like “gatekeepers” and “community buy-in.”

But I’m most excited about a new book I’m working on. By working on I mean I have about half of it outlined on my phone. Sooner than later, likely not too long after baby number three (De’Trey) is born in April, I’ll get back to my black roots and leave my family for a bit so I can write in peace.

Until then I’ll continue to write here (more often!) and hopefully get published in a few other outlets with larger audiences so my next book gets read by more than just old friends in the Ohio Department of Rehabilitation and Correction. Thanks for being one of the few unique people who continuously visit this blog.

-Dewan Gibson

I’m About To Have Another Baby, This Time He’s Black

ultrasound-pic

Thanks to God and my ineffective use of the pull-out method, our third son is due on April 20. Posted above is a recent picture of him looking all snug and warm in the womb. Like his brothers he has my soup-cooling lips (if you say “DSL” we’re fighting) and special bell pepper nose equipped with high-powered omni-directional nostrils.

Unlike my first two boys, who inherited the skin tone of their Nubian white mother, I have a feeling the new baby, like Gibsons before, is going to be a shade of sensual caramel-chocolate and a true brutha all-in-all. If you look closely at the picture you can even see him throwing up random hand signs.

We have yet to decide on a name but Trey might be a good fit since he’s our third baby. But with an added apostrophe or “De” so it’s more culturally appropriate: T’rey or De’Trey. So the Gibson boys will be Nile Anthony Wayne Gibson, Ca$$ius Carlis Wayne Gibson and De’Trey Barack-LeBron Wayne Gibson, male heirs of Dewan Wayne Baby D Gibson.

the-boys

-Dewan Gibson

There’s Already A 2014 Winner For Most Hood Baby Name

so-unique

According to Twitter, So’Unique Miracle Randle was the first baby born this year in Lubbock, Texas. I understand giving children creative names; I have two boys, Nile and Ca$$ius, names that are not too hood but just hood enough for people to know their father’s black. But adding apostrophes to first names is dangerous territory. Based on my own anecdotal research it’s the second-leading indicator of future incarceration next to not having a male figure in your life other than your “uncle” (Mama’s ex) who lets you take a puff of his blunt on your eighth birthday.

-Dewan Gibson

Baby Celebrates Oakland A’s Division Title With Beer

beer-baby

And they only won their division. If they win the World Series you better hide the blow.

-Dewan Gibson

Baby Bangs: ‘For The Girl Who Has Everything Except Hair!’

baby-bangs.com

I can dig this. My second baby was born with a good amount of hair but he pulled it out after a month or two. No idea why, but I hear biracial babies tend to do that because they are confused about their ethnic identity. Anyway, even as a boy a wig for him would be kind of cool during special occasions, especially if they made a Jheri curl one that he could wear when goes to visit his black family. From the Daily Mail:

Baby Bangs! is the brainchild of a mother and daughter who wanted to create a miniature hair piece suitable for newborns to wear. Writing on their website, they say: ‘At Baby Bangs! we believe in the beauty of childhood. Our unique designs are sprinkled with magic- inspiring a world of whimsical wonder and mystical magical memorable moments for you and your baby girl to cherish forever! For she is, and always will be, your little princess!.’

Baby Bangs! is the brainchild of a mother, daughter, and baby granddaughter who wanted to create a miniature hair piece suitable for newborns to wear. The design trio called in hair replacement artist, Lisa Griggs-Campbell, as well as a real live baby model for styling, sizing and comfort testing. After two years of designing, they unveiled the ‘Fleurs Collection’, a collection of miniature hair pieces in a range of colours made size-appropriate for infants, toddlers and little girls priced at around £20.

-Dewan Gibson

Breathtaking Romantic Art By My Almost Two-Year-Old Son

nile-fire

My oldest son Nile (pictured above with his flamethrower) has yet to learn to use the toilet, but he can work an iPad with the best of them. He’s some of the work he created while we took a break from parenting and let him run electronically wild.
nile-art-1
Title: “He can’t love you like I can. Well, he probably can, but let’s make it work since we’ve been together for a long time.”

nile-art-2
Title: “Hoda Kotb’s landing strip”

nile-art-3
Title: “Longevity”

nile-art-4
Self-portrait of the artist meant to symbolize his tortured soul: “I just wanted to be re-wombed”

-Dewan Gibson

New Zealand Bans Certain Baby Names (Including Lucifer!)

EvilBaby

Fun fact that I learned from five minutes of exhaustive internet research; Lucifer was once a not too uncommon name and it only became synonymous with the Devil after a mistranslation of the Hebrew Bible into the King James version. It really just means “day star.” From the Toronto Star:

Parents don’t really want their child named “Lucifer,” do they?

Well, four sets of parents tried in New Zealand, and they have been blocked.

That country has put forward its list of baby names rejected by the Department of Internal Affairs, which is the agency that signs off on baby names.

No, you cannot call you child “Lucifer,” or “Justice,” or “Anal.”

The name that was rejected the most was “Justice.” It was turned down 62 times.

Names with numbers were also on the no-go list.

The full list, obtained by CNN, contained 77 names that were turned down because either they were offensive or implies an official title or rank.

For example, “Princess,” and “King,” never had a chance.

-Dewan Gibson

I Caught These Teens Dry Humping At The Park

teens

I finally took my kids out the house today and this is what we had to see. What a shame…that we don’t go to the park more often. I didn’t know whether to tell them to get a room, instruct them on proper technique, or sell ‘em a morning after pill at twice the price.

But give my oldest boy Nile credit, he was running around at the park wild when he spotted these two and said “Was tha, was tha, was tha.” Just like that, three times. I was sitting on the bench feeding my newborn and hadn’t even noticed because they were behind me. Nile started to walk over there so he could stand within six inches of them and repeat “was tha, was tha, was tha” so I had to get up and grab him, which messed up the whole milk flow (bottled milk, I ain’t got no titties).

I don’t even think the freaks noticed us the whole time, they just kept grinding away. Teens these days…be puttin’ in work!

-Dewan Gibson

A Photographic Essay Of Staying At Home All Day With The Kids

nile-2
I love this picture, reminds me of me and my old cellmate.

nile-7
Man, they grow so fast. I can’t wait till they turn 16 and start bringing girls home for us.

nile-6
I was really slacking as a parent, took me 21 months to show him how to take his first selfie.

nile-5
They’re so silly. Here we are playing one of our favorite role-play games, Faith Healer.

nile-8
Watch, Kanye West is gonna start wearing his shades like this.

nile-1
It’s hilarious when he tries to imitate me snorting coke.

Read the rest of this entry »