New Zealand Bans Certain Baby Names (Including Lucifer!)
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Babies
Fun fact that I learned from five minutes of exhaustive internet research; Lucifer was once a not too uncommon name and it only became synonymous with the Devil after a mistranslation of the Hebrew Bible into the King James version. It really just means “day star.” From the Toronto Star:
Parents don’t really want their child named “Lucifer,” do they?
Well, four sets of parents tried in New Zealand, and they have been blocked.
That country has put forward its list of baby names rejected by the Department of Internal Affairs, which is the agency that signs off on baby names.
No, you cannot call you child “Lucifer,” or “Justice,” or “Anal.”
The name that was rejected the most was “Justice.” It was turned down 62 times.
Names with numbers were also on the no-go list.
The full list, obtained by CNN, contained 77 names that were turned down because either they were offensive or implies an official title or rank.
For example, “Princess,” and “King,” never had a chance.
-Dewan Gibson
I Caught These Teens Dry Humping At The Park
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Babies
I finally took my kids out the house today and this is what we had to see. What a shame…that we don’t go to the park more often. I didn’t know whether to tell them to get a room, instruct them on proper technique, or sell ‘em a morning after pill at twice the price.
But give my oldest boy Nile credit, he was running around at the park wild when he spotted these two and said “Was tha, was tha, was tha.” Just like that, three times. I was sitting on the bench feeding my newborn and hadn’t even noticed because they were behind me. Nile started to walk over there so he could stand within six inches of them and repeat “was tha, was tha, was tha” so I had to get up and grab him, which messed up the whole milk flow (bottled milk, I ain’t got no titties).
I don’t even think the freaks noticed us the whole time, they just kept grinding away. Teens these days…be puttin’ in work!
-Dewan Gibson
A Photographic Essay Of Staying At Home All Day With The Kids
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Babies
I love this picture, reminds me of me and my old cellmate.
Man, they grow so fast. I can’t wait till they turn 16 and start bringing girls home for us.
I was really slacking as a parent, took me 21 months to show him how to take his first selfie.
They’re so silly. Here we are playing one of our favorite role-play games, Faith Healer.
Watch, Kanye West is gonna start wearing his shades like this.
It’s hilarious when he tries to imitate me snorting coke.
Support Me If You Feel Every Baby Should Have Baby Jordans
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Babies
Throwback Thursday: Five years ago I wrote this book, about a year ago I went half on this baby (my second). Consider buying it so he has food, shelter, and more importantly, Baby Jordans. Shameless marketing techniques can be so cute. (New book coming in about a year…at the latest.)
-Dewan Gibson
Toddlers Love Trespassing In Construction Sites
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Babies
(Kim Jong) Nile has been throwing temper tantrums. So we decided to try this crazy parenting technique called Take Him Outside. It’s actually kind of fun. I let him lead the way and wherever we end up is cool with me. All I have to do is help him cross the street, and in this case clear debris. So if you’re in the San Diego area leave your doors unlocked. We might be stopping over.
-Dewan Gibson
What To Do If Your Kid Gives You The Middle Finger?
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Babies, Humor
Any father worth a damn knows that you have to whisper “You just borrowing that titty” while your son is feeding. It’s the only way to ensure that he doesn’t develop an Oedipus complex. I tried and this is the thanks I got. Like my parents used to say, “I brought you in to this world and I’ll take you out when I can no longer claim you on our taxes.”
-Dewan Gibson
Arguing In Front Of A Sleeping Baby Can Ruin His Nerves
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Babies, Health
This is scary. And I bet the harm caused to the baby is even worse if you argue and yell while clapping your hands to each syllable, “OH-NO-YOU-DID-NT!” Be nice to each other and speak in hushed tones like Nas. From FOX Health:
Babies’ minds are extremely malleable. The environments and events they experience shape their brains for good or for ill. Stress due to maltreatment or being raised in an institution can take a toll on a baby’s development. But this study, to be published in a forthcoming issue of the journal Psychological Science, shows that even moderate stresses can affect brain function…
Graham and her colleagues scanned the brains of 20 sleeping infants, ages 6 months to 12 months, using functional magnetic resonance imaging (a technique that measures blood flow as a proxy for brain activity). Inside the scanner, the babies heard nonsense sentences spoken by a male adult in very angry, mildly angry, happy or neutral tones.
The sleeping infants’ brains showed distinct patterns of activity corresponding to each different emotional tone, the study revealed. Compared with babies raised in healthy homes, infants in high-conflict homes (as reported by their mothers) had a greater response to the very angry voice in brain regions involved in stress and emotion regulation — the rostral anterior cingulated cortex, the caudate, the thalamus and the hypothalamus. Previous studies in animals indicated that these regions show effects of early life stress on development, and this study suggests human babies may experience a similar phenomenon.
The findings suggest babies are aware of parental conflicts and that these conflicts may affect how the infants’ brains handle stress and emotion, Graham said.
-Dewan Gibson
Please Help My Oldest Son Gain A Sense Of Self-Worth
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Babies
I want my son to follow in my footsteps and gain a sense of self-worth from Internet love and appreciation. The Star 94.1 Cutest Baby Contest is his first opportunity and I’d be thankful if you could vote for him. The grand prize is $2,000, which would cover his portion of the mortgage for two months and free up the five or ten dollars that we hoped to put in his community college fund this year. Unlike the much less important presidential election of 2012, voting only takes a second. You can reach his page here.
-Dewan Gibson
Watch: Two-Year-Old Breaks Into Room Using Nail Clippers
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Babies, Humor
Pretty funny until you realize that there are black two-year-old boys doing life in prison for this same exact crime.
-Dewan Gibson
I Almost Fought A Toddler At Gymboree
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Babies, Short Stories
A child’s first five years are the most important of his entire life. I heard that on a commercial while watching hours of TV with my kids. So it’s really important that parents take the time and effort to ensure they develop mentally and emotionally, lest they end up in and out the justice system with no way to earn a living outside of peddling unregulated hot links on Facebook.
To help my 20-month-old reach his potential I’ve been teaching him how to count by listening to R. Kelly’s “12 Play.” We also got him a trial membership at Gymboree. If you’re not familiar, it’s a company that offers indoor play and classes for parents who want to invest in early education instead of Baby Jordans. We can’t afford either, but we’re great gift receivers and used a gift card my sister got us.
At first glance you’d think Gymboree is a preview of kindergarten (that special time in life when you get to send your kids off to be someone else’s problem). But the catch about Gymboree is that the parents have to stay and watch their kids while they’re in class. That’s cool. But probably less so if you’re a man. At the two classes I took my son to all of the parents were women. Plus, almost all of the women had daughters, which could very well be some sort of feminist plot. It was probably more me than them, but as the only guy I felt like the odd person out and had trouble holding awkward conversation.
The first class wasn’t too bad. The instructor had crazy brain power, and I’m not just saying that because she was Asian. She actually remembered all the kids’ names. The activities seemed to be enriching. The kids ran and jumped on things while learning “stop and go,” which is really important because it’s a precursor to learning the oh so important “no means no.”
The only problem was a little boy who kept pulling the other kids’ hair. He did it to my son twice. The first time my son just laughed, he thought it was part of class. I pulled him away and his mom apologized. The second time it kind of hurt and his face scrunched up like he was about to cry.
I wanted to whoop the little boy’s ass, but I wasn’t sure I could take him. He looked intimidating…sort of like Kubiak from “Parker Lewis Can’t Lose.” He was thick, and not just for a two-year-old. I figured my only hope was to stick and move and hope he doesn’t get me on the ground. Thankfully for me, his mom stepped in again and offered a sincerely embarrassed apology.
The second class was a bit less enjoyable. I had a hangover and didn’t feel like singing those silly kid songs. Of course I have no one to blame for that but Walmart for selling such cheap wine. The instructor, a different one this time, was solid but she didn’t engage the kids individually. So for the most part my son just ran wild and played by himself, which was fun for him but not $70 a month fun–especially since we live steps from a (free!) playground.
We probably won’t return to Gymboree unless we get another gift card (shoot me a message if you need our address), or if I get my confidence up enough to where I’m ready to go a few rounds with that bad ass kid. Still, if you’re choosing between Baby Jordans and Gymboree, go with the latter.
-Dewan Gibson
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