My Three-Year-Old Trying To Do The Butterfly, I Guess

He could probably get suspended from preschool for dancing like this if a little girl is near, but 1) He doesn’t go to preschool because we can’t afford it; 2) He’s only kind of black so The Man would let him off with a warning.

-Dewan Gibson

Unintentional Toddler Twerk Team

I was afraid my kids would learn how to twerk from the YouTube videos I watch for research purposes or from my fiance doing her thing around the house (Prenatal Twerk Team). Turns out my oldest learned a variation of it from “The Nut Job,” which is a buddy film starring vermin.

-Dewan Gibson

Be A Good Father And Don’t Flip The Table In A Fit Of Rage

nile-the-mimic

My oldest boy is in a phase where he copies everything I do, which is very little so I’m sure he’ll grow to have a poor work ethic like his pa. Laziness aside, I really have to watch what I do in front him. Just imagine if he had seen me flip the table over in a fit of rage as I normally do when the hot sauce runs out.

-Dewan Gibson

My Newborn’s Foreskin Is A Keepsake I’ll Cherish Forever

circumcision

My third son, Larke Lawrence Wayne Gibson (the “e” in Larke is silent and very masculine), was born last Tuesday. This morning we reduced his chance of penile cancer and STDs by having his potentially embarrassing cock hoodie removed. As you can see in the picture above he was very content before the procedure (left) and somewhat surprised after the circumcision (right). Well, shocked would be a better description. Nonetheless he’ll be perfectly fine in a couple-few days.

Oh yeah, because we have great health insurance the doctor was nice enough to put Larke’s foreskin in a tiny jar for our keeping, which may be a new Obamacare provision. I plan to give it to him when he becomes a man on his tenth birthday, or sooner, if for some silly reason he decides he wants it reattached. Welcome to the world, Larke!

baby-foreskin

-Dewan Gibson

Spent The Afternoon Teaching My Boys A Valuable Skill

Just think of yelling over someone as a more masculine version of “talk to the hand.” It’s perfectly suitable for those stressful times in their young lives, like when a hater preschool teacher asks them to clean up their mess or when Dad tells them they’re too old to boo-boo in their pants.

-Dewan Gibson

It’s Hard To Work From Home When Your Children Are Feral

feral-children

I hate to blame my kids for anything other than my lack of a social life and dwindling finances, but they’re a large part of the reason why I’ve been posting less often. As you can see in the video below I’m attacked whenever I search for blog content on Instagram using #donk, #culo, and #whooty–usually on orders from Mom.

I’ve also been working on a new blog unrelated to this one–Until26.com, a website that “presents community health policy and news in an understandable and maybe even enjoyable manner.” The big bucks that enable me to provide my family with Netflix and multiple Redbox Blu-Rays every month are largely made from my writing and program management work in community health. So, Until26 is an outlet to simultaneously express my joy and disdain over all this country’s healthcare changes and people who incessantly use terms like “gatekeepers” and “community buy-in.”

But I’m most excited about a new book I’m working on. By working on I mean I have about half of it outlined on my phone. Sooner than later, likely not too long after baby number three (De’Trey) is born in April, I’ll get back to my black roots and leave my family for a bit so I can write in peace.

Until then I’ll continue to write here (more often!) and hopefully get published in a few other outlets with larger audiences so my next book gets read by more than just old friends in the Ohio Department of Rehabilitation and Correction. Thanks for being one of the few unique people who continuously visit this blog.

-Dewan Gibson

I’m About To Have Another Baby, This Time He’s Black

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Thanks to God and my ineffective use of the pull-out method, our third son is due on April 20. Posted above is a recent picture of him looking all snug and warm in the womb. Like his brothers he has my soup-cooling lips (if you say “DSL” we’re fighting) and special bell pepper nose equipped with high-powered omni-directional nostrils.

Unlike my first two boys, who inherited the skin tone of their Nubian white mother, I have a feeling the new baby, like Gibsons before, is going to be a shade of sensual caramel-chocolate and a true brutha all-in-all. If you look closely at the picture you can even see him throwing up random hand signs.

We have yet to decide on a name but Trey might be a good fit since he’s our third baby. But with an added apostrophe or “De” so it’s more culturally appropriate: T’rey or De’Trey. So the Gibson boys will be Nile Anthony Wayne Gibson, Ca$$ius Carlis Wayne Gibson and De’Trey Barack-LeBron Wayne Gibson, male heirs of Dewan Wayne Baby D Gibson.

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-Dewan Gibson

There’s Already A 2014 Winner For Most Hood Baby Name

so-unique

According to Twitter, So’Unique Miracle Randle was the first baby born this year in Lubbock, Texas. I understand giving children creative names; I have two boys, Nile and Ca$$ius, names that are not too hood but just hood enough for people to know their father’s black. But adding apostrophes to first names is dangerous territory. Based on my own anecdotal research it’s the second-leading indicator of future incarceration next to not having a male figure in your life other than your “uncle” (Mama’s ex) who lets you take a puff of his blunt on your eighth birthday.

-Dewan Gibson

Baby Celebrates Oakland A’s Division Title With Beer

beer-baby

And they only won their division. If they win the World Series you better hide the blow.

-Dewan Gibson

Baby Bangs: ‘For The Girl Who Has Everything Except Hair!’

baby-bangs.com

I can dig this. My second baby was born with a good amount of hair but he pulled it out after a month or two. No idea why, but I hear biracial babies tend to do that because they are confused about their ethnic identity. Anyway, even as a boy a wig for him would be kind of cool during special occasions, especially if they made a Jheri curl one that he could wear when goes to visit his black family. From the Daily Mail:

Baby Bangs! is the brainchild of a mother and daughter who wanted to create a miniature hair piece suitable for newborns to wear. Writing on their website, they say: ‘At Baby Bangs! we believe in the beauty of childhood. Our unique designs are sprinkled with magic- inspiring a world of whimsical wonder and mystical magical memorable moments for you and your baby girl to cherish forever! For she is, and always will be, your little princess!.’

Baby Bangs! is the brainchild of a mother, daughter, and baby granddaughter who wanted to create a miniature hair piece suitable for newborns to wear. The design trio called in hair replacement artist, Lisa Griggs-Campbell, as well as a real live baby model for styling, sizing and comfort testing. After two years of designing, they unveiled the ‘Fleurs Collection’, a collection of miniature hair pieces in a range of colours made size-appropriate for infants, toddlers and little girls priced at around £20.

-Dewan Gibson