Bacon Prices Rise Due To Explosive Chinese Pig Diarrhea

pig-head

As I’ve said before, unless you kill and clean your own food it’s going to have some ass in it. But this is crazy, millions of pigs across the country are dying from severe runs, like the kind humans get from eating that supposedly hormone-free Chipotle chicken. The result: Bacon prices have risen 13 percent and will continue to do so until these pigs tighten their dook chutes. From Gothamist:

A devastating virus sweeping through U.S. pig farms is killing millions of piglets and contributing to a steep rise in the cost of bacon. Porcine epidemic diarrhea has been wreaking havoc at farms in 27 states, with estimates placing the loss of pig life between 2.7 million and 6 million, according to the Post. All the piggy deaths have in turn made the cost of bacon—and to a lesser degree other pork products like ham and chops—rise by as much as 13% since last year, according to Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Scientists think PED originated in China, but are unsure how it settled on our shores…Farmers like Craig Rowles tried to keep the virus out of his Iowa farm, but despite cleaning and training efforts he still lost 13,000 babies in just a few weeks. The symptoms of the virus are familiar to anyone suffering from food poisoning; horrific, dehydrating diarrhea.

-Dewan Gibson

World’s Thinnest Condom Might Actually Be Worth Using

aoni-condom

The made in China AONI condom is just 0.036 millimeters thin and has to be a hell of a lot more comfortable than using the plastic grocery bag found in your mom’s recycling bin. By comparison, the Trojan Ultra Thin condom is 0.5 millimeters thin. The AONI is only available in Asia right now but will arrive in the U.S. in the near future, which is already like four years too late for me (from Shanghaiist).

-Dewan Gibson

Hot Pockets Recalled For Diseased Meat, Still Taste Great

SNOOP-POCETS

I would say that America is in peril without Hot Pockets, but diseased or not, I’m sure you’ll be able to get a good deal on them at Big Lots, Odd Lots, and other stores that sell stuff that fell off the truck or was tainted with human flesh during a workplace accident.

Nestle USA is recalling 238,000 cases of its Hot Pockets pastries because they may contain meat included in a massive recall of nearly 9 million pounds of “diseased and unsound” beef products.

Three different sizes of Philly Steak and Cheese Hot Pockets and Hot Pockets Croissant Crust Philly Steak and Cheese products in the two-pack box are part of the voluntary recall issued Friday but announced on Tuesday.

Officials with the Nestle Prepared Foods Division said that the firm used meat produced by Rancho Feeding Corp. in 2013. Last week, the Petaluma, Calif., plant recalled 8.7 million pounds of beef parts, including whole carcasses and heads, feet, livers and so-called “mountain oysters,” among other items.

U.S. Department of Agriculture Food Safety and Inspection Service officials said the meat was recalled because the firm processed “diseased and unsound animals” without benefit of full inspection. The plant voluntarily closed last week and FSIS officials are conducting an intensive investigation of its processes and products.” (NBC News)

-Dewan Gibson

The Most & Least Expensive Big Macs Ranked By Country

big-mac

Over at The Economist there’s a Big Mac index that supposedly shows whether a country’s currency is under or overvalued based on the cost of a what’s now the worst marquee sandwich from a large fast food chain. By the way, The Six Dollar Burger from Carl’s Jr. is by far the best, with Burger King’s Whopper finishing second, though a large part of BK’s second-place finish is that a number of their restaurants take food stamps.

Anyway, as of January 2014 Norway has the most expensive Big Mac at $7.80, with Venezuela coming in next at $7.15. The cheapest is in India where it’s only $1.54. In the United States the average cost is $4.62. Business idea: Big Macs don’t decompose. Export them from a lower priced country to higher priced country and make at least double your investment. Genius.

-Dewan Gibson

Free Crack Pipes To Be Given Out In San Francisco

DMX gif

San Francisco’s HIV Planning Council recommended that the San Francisco Department of Health consider distributing free crack pipes to slow the spread of HIV, which on the surface seems to make little sense. You can’t get HIV from sharing a crack pipe unless it’s bloody, perhaps from being hidden or “boofed” in a place where cops can’t find it, or if the previous user suffered from a classic crackhead symptom like bleed-when-you-smile chapped lips, which tormented Amy Winehouse in her last months.

The thinking was that while the City distributed the free pipes they could engage crackheads with HIV prevention education, as if they’d remember when they’re high as hell. The Department of Public Health rejected the idea, but a local activist and experienced drug user, Isaac Jackson, has decided to give out the free crackpipes himself to up to 50 people at an event to be held the first week in March. Hey, community service can come in many forms (from the SFist).

crack-pipe

-Dewan Gibson

States & Cities Where You’re Most Likely To Catch An STD

std

Each year the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) releases its Sexually Transmitted Disease Surveillance report, which lists the prevalence of STDs throughout the country and informs the public of cities and states where one should wear a latex bodysuit at all times. For the most part, the South still reigns supreme. Unfortunately the report does not list rates for the not-so-hilarious diseases like AIDS and The Herp, the latter of which you can get just from dry-humping before you sneak the tip in. A PDF of the full report is available here.

Gonorrhea (By State)
1) Mississippi: 230.8
2) Louisiana: 194
3) Alabama: 193
4) South Carolina: 163.2
5) Georgia: 156.1

Gonorrhea (By Metropolitan Statistical Area)
1) Memphis, Tennessee: 327
2) Indianapolis, Indiana: 194.8
3) Birmingham-Hoover, Alabama: 193.7
4) Milwaukee-Waukesha-West Allis, Wisconsin: 192.4
5) Buffalo-Cheektowago-Tonawanda, New York: 182.3

Gonorrhea (By County)
1) Montgomery County, Alabama: 558.5
2) Hinds County, Mississippi: 548.4
3) St. Louis, Missouri: 554.3
4) Philadelphia County, Pennsylvania: 474.7
5) Caddo County, Louisiana: 425.2

Chlamydia (By State)
1) Mississippi: 774
2) Alaska: 755.8
3) Alabama: 637.6
4) Louisiana: 597.6
5) South Carolina: 580.2

Chlamydia (By Metropolitan Statistical Area)
1) Memphis, Tennessee: 959.5
2) Virginia Beach-Newport News-Norfolk, Virginia: 738.8
3) Milwaukee-Waukesha-West Allis, Wisconsin: 699.6
4) Indianapolis, Indiana: 684.5
5) Birmingham-Hoover, Alabama: 606.6

Chlamydia (By County)
1) Philadelphia County, Pennsylvania: 1,353.9
2) Baltimore County, Maryland: 1,245.2
3) Bronx County, New York: 1,222.9
4) Washington, D.C.: 1,101.6
5) Marion County, Indiana: 1,109.3

Syphilis (By State)
1) Washington, D.C.: 95.3 (Yeah, I know it’s not officially a state, but DAMN!)
2) Louisiana: 38.9
3) Texas: 27.5
4) New York: 27.3
5) Georgia: 24.8

Syphilis (By Metro Area)
1) New Orleans-Metairie-Kenner, Louisiana: 45.3
2) San Antonio, Texas: 44.8
3) Miami-Fort Lauderdale-Miami Beach, Florida: 45.7
4) Memphis, Tennessee: 44.5
5)Houston-Baytown-Sugarland: 37

-Dewan Gibson

Study Finds Heavy Weed Use Is Almost Completely Genetic

snoop-smoking-with-son

Which is exactly why I’m glad Snoop Dogg-Lion faced the truth and showed his boy proper weed etiquette before he could even drive. From The Locals (Norway):

Problem cannabis use is overwhelmingly the result of people’s genes rather than their upbringing or lifestyles, a surprising new twin study by the Norwegian Institute of Public Health has concluded.

The study of 1,791 twins from the US state of Virginia found that genetic factors accounted for roughly 79 percent of problem cannabis use, compared to just 54 percent for cocaine.

The shared environment in which those surveyed grew up — which accounted for as much of 16 percent of cocaine abuse — seemed to have no bearing at all on the likelihood of someone developing problems with cannabis.

“The factors that explain why some get addicted and others don’t are hereditable,” the study’s author Eivind Ystrøm told The Local. “There’s not a single cannabis gene, but if both your parents were cannabis abusers, you would be more likely to have a large number of genes which put you at risk.”

-Dewan Gibson

Smoking Weed Is Fun Until You Get Man Boobs

THESE HOES WANNA HOLD ME BACK

A Detroit plastic surgeon wrote a piece for CNN.com describing how marijuana use may cause men to develop titties. Most of his reasoning is based on anecdotal information so I’m going to continue to question this theory until I see Snoop Dogg grow anything larger than an A cup, which might not look too bad with his thin frame and long hair. From CNN:

Gynecomastia, otherwise known as man boobs (or moobs for short), is a condition that affects approximately 33% to 41% of men between the ages of 25 and 45. It’s even more common during puberty, affecting 60% of 14-year-old boys. Interestingly, it also affects 55% to 60% of men aged 50 and older…

Gynecomastia is caused by a hormone imbalance between testosterone and estrogen. When the ratio between testosterone and estrogen tips in favor of estrogen, the body responds by creating excessive breast tissue. Hence, man boobs.
Animal studies have shown that exposure to the active ingredient in marijuana can result in a decrease in testosterone levels, a reduction of testicular size, and abnormalities in the form and function of sperm…

So can smoking pot really give you man boobs?

Probably. Although the association between marijuana and gynecomastia hasn’t been conclusively proven, it appears very plausible. For this reason, the majority of plastic surgeons I’ve consulted with routinely inquire with their gynecomastia patients about cannabis use and recommend they stop smoking pot immediately.

-Dewan Gibson

Study Shows You Will Not Enjoy Your Job Until You’re 50

walmart-greeter

Damn, if I had a job I’d call in sick for the next 16 years. From The Japan Times:

A study by The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research finds that 9 in 10 American workers who are age 50 or older say they are very or somewhat satisfied with their job. Older workers reported satisfaction regardless of gender, race, educational level, political ideology and income level…

Though research has shown people across age groups are more likely to report job satisfaction than dissatisfaction, older workers consistently have expressed more happiness with their work than younger people have.

The AP-NORC survey found significant minorities of people reporting unwelcome comments at work about their age, being passed over for raises and promotions, and other negative incidents related to being older. But it was far more common to note the positive impact of their age. Six in 10 said colleagues turned to them for advice more often and more than 4 in 10 said they felt they were receiving more respect at work.

-Dewan Gibson

Study Shows Oreo Cookies Are As Addictive As Cocaine

oreo

I just finished a bag of Oreos yesterday and they were damn good. But not good enough to make me leave my white woman and ruin my career. Right, Lamar Odom? From 19 Action News:

Students and a professor of neuroscience at Connecticut College said they have found evidence that shows Oreo cookies are just as addictive as cocaine – at least in lab rats.

The study was designed to show that there is the potential for addictiveness of both high-fat and high-sugar foods, and Professor Joseph Schroeder and his students found rats had an association between the pleasure of eating Oreos and a specific environment was the same as cocaine or morphine and a specific environment.

According to their research, eating cookies also activated more neurons in the brain’s “pleasure center” than exposure to drugs.

“Our research supports the theory that high-fat/high-sugar foods stimulate the brain in the same way that drugs do,” Schroeder said. “It may explain why some people can’t resist these foods despite the fact that they know they are bad for them.”

-Dewan Gibson