Liquor Thief Confronted By Store Crew, Defends Honor

rum-thief

I know what it feels like to need a bottle or two in the daytime, but I can’t respect this. My parents own a bar and some fool tried to gank a few bottles of beer right out of their cooler. Good thing my brother, “Dallas Sexy,” was there to threaten him with death. But man, the guy in the video is lucky sista-friend was recording. He was about to take a bottle to the head. By the way, you can tell this brotha’s been pepper sprayed more than a few times. He took it like binaca and kept walking.

-Dewan Gibson

Naked Man Tackled On Field During MLB Game, May Have Suffered Ball Damage

naked.braves.guy

My dream of doing this died when I turned 18 (not trying to go to jail naked and end up getting my chute taken), but I’ll always admire the courage of others who have little regard for the pain that comes with a carpet burn on deez nutz. (Deadspin)

-Dewan Gibson

Snoop Dogg ‘Sold Out’ For The Swagger Wagon Before Busta

busta-toyota-sienna

Black Twitter erupted after church yesterday when Busta Rhymes’ video for Toyota’s “Swagger Wagon” hit the net. The general consensus was that Fat Back Busta is a sellout, though I’m guessing he wouldn’t be if he became a part-time pitchman for bad liquor like Puff Daddy. Plus he probably made more from this ad than he did the entire time he was on Cash Money Records. Anyway, Snoop started shouting out the Toyota Sienna mini-van back in 2011 through a paid tweet. But Snoop will sell anything, including Hot Pockets. What’s an old rapper to do? Both are over 40 and have four kids, they could probably use a minivan.

snoop-swagger-wagon

-Dewan Gibson

Woman Who Made Bad Choice Posts Missing Baby Daddy Ad

missing.dad

Damn, girl. He’s only been missing from his kids’ lives for a little over a month. He’ll be back around tax time.

-Dewan Gibson

Meet Instagram’s Mr. Nasty Time: ‘I Eats The Booty’

mr.nasty.time

Instagram is officially becoming the new version of Craigslist’s Casual Encounters. If you notice Mr. Nasty Time likes women “probably about 18 on up,” which he probably made clear as a condition of his parole.

-Dewan Gibson

Drugs Get The Best Of Insanely Large Man At Pitchfork Festival

pitchfork-festival-dude

Man, dude must have been taking elephant tranquilizer. Must be the new thing to do when Danny Brown’s performing.

-Dewan Gibson

Old Dude Falls Asleep On Beach, Forgets To Strap Down Ball Sack

ball.sack

When you get his age you can’t wear shorts that tiny unless you have ball tuck surgery. Either that or strap it down with a bungee cord.

-Dewan Gibson

Flexible Trollop Twerks Atop Car, Roof Caves In

car-twerk

I’m not usually one to speak out against that thunderclap, but I’d have to take this up with my boo Judge Judy.

-Dewan Gibson

Woman Stages Public Protest Over ‘Hoe’ Who Stole Her Man

sista.friend

A wise man once said: “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. So check a hoe if she takes your man.”

-Dewan Gibson

Fake Ass Kevin Hart Strips Down To Leopard Draws At Graduation, Loses Diploma

graduation.stripper

This brave kid has a bright future, especially if he can annoy the hell out of everyone with the same ol’ short jokes. From FOX8

A senior at Jack Britt High School in Fayetteville who stripped to his underwear after walking across the stage at graduation on Wednesday will not receive his diploma, Superintendent Frank Till Jr. told the Fayetteville Observer on Thursday.

According to the paper, Quinton Murphy was walking across the stage when he turned toward the audience, pulled his robe over his head and posed with his arms out in the air. He was only wearing leopard-print briefs, socks and shoes when he took off his robe.

-Dewan Gibson