Young Man Socks Old Man For Better View At Easter Parade

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Apparently the young dude wanted a better view of the Easter bunny or something so he socked and bloodied the old man. If anything this video shows the importance of having kids, preferably boys. Once you turn gray and start looking like Matlock young punks get disrespectful and try to test you. You can pull out your burner, and possibly face jail time, or just say, “I’m callin’ my boys, they ‘gon f**k you up!” (The Local).

-Dewan Gibson

Own A Mimi-Style Hang-On-The-D Shower Rod For $10

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Twitter erupted this morning with news of a sex tape from Mimi, who I just found out is not Mariah Carey (sorry, I haven’t been black for at least two years) but a star in one of those reality shows where the actors spend the season arguing and eventually fight during the reunion episode. Due to fear of penis envy I don’t watch many instructional videos, but I did see a clip and still frame of Mimi’s work. What I and others were shocked by was her ability to hang from a shower rod while her womb is shifted. Now everybody wants a screw-in shower rod and being the public servant that I am, I took it upon myself to find a great deal on one from Amazon. Enjoy and forward me your work if you’d like to have it reviewed.

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-Dewan Gibson

A Swirl Relationship Explained Through Chicken

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My only hesitation in entering a swirl relationship was that I would no longer be able to devour chicken in the manner that I’m used to. It’s a very private and often misunderstood cultural activity. Everything is eaten in honor of the ancestors: the tendons, the gristle, and any excess fat. Even the bone is dipped in hot sauce and sucked dry (No Tevin Campbell).

Melanin-deficients, who leave so much meat on the bone that it could feed a village of those little African kids they like to adopt in order to give them a life full of opportunity and hair neglect, often find the act strange, or even worse, gross. But my fiance and I (that’s her chicken on the right…obv) are able to come together and eat chicken without judgement. Just don’t let her refer to the meal as “supper,” then we’ll have some issues.

-Dewan Gibson

Chinese Diva With Quick Hands Assaults Boyfriend

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They’re speaking nonsense, but what supposedly happened is: The blonde-haired girl slapped her lover seven times in a row, only to have her lover retort: “Harder! You slap like you have not eaten!”  Dude with the bad haircut (I refuse to say victim) was mad, but if you look closely you’ll see he tries to get a quick dry hump in there after he pushes the sista against the wall. It’s kind of hard to stay angry when you feel that body heat and physicality (Shangaiist).

-Dewan Gibson

The Woman Who Inspired Michael Jackson’s ‘Billie Jean’?

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I’m thinking it’s probably the woman on the left. Her hips look more child bearing than the PYT’s on the right.

-Dewan Gibson

Jermaine289: The Thirstiest Man On Instagram

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I did a sex offender search of the address he checks in with on Instagram and he’s not on the list, yet.  Be sure to “fallow” him @jermaine289 for laughs and more importantly knowledge of his whereabouts.

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This Nun Can Blow, Watch Her Sing Alicia Keys On The Voice

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According to The Local, 25-year-old Cristina Scuccia is a nun in Italy and now the most popular contender on their version of The Voice. So hot…Whoopi taught her well.

-Dewan Gibson

Roland Martin Uses Perv Smile To Sell Pocket Squares

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I haven’t heard much from Roland Martin since he was fired from CNN for being black and talking too loud and often without making a point, but now he’s back as a pocket square salesman and looking mad creepy with a full on perv smile. I always pictured him as more of a hair relaxer pitchman, but this business might actually work with the Steve Harvey crowd. Check out his site to buy and/or laugh.

-Dewan Gibson

The Old ‘Deez Nuts’ Joke Reborn On The People’s Court

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His voice could have gone up an octave or two, but the planning and balls (nuts) it took to pull this off is worthy of respect. And he gets extra points for wearing his extra special school picture day sweater to court.

-Dewan Gibson

Chelsea Handler Throwing Low Blows At Piers Morgan

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Piers is smug, very smug, but he means well. His show is being canceled by CNN and Chelsea Handler rubs it in. See, if Piers was more knowledgeable about pop culture he could have come back with a quick crack about her relationship with 50 Cent ending. Read your background notes, punk!

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-Dewan Gibson