Resourceful Teen Caught Carrying Loaded Gun In Cooch

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Didn’t Lil’ Kim do something like this? My bad…she actually made a “Sprite can disappear in (her) mouth,” which is great but certainly not on the level of using your snatch as a snug-fit gun case. From The Smoking Gun:

A 19-year-old Tennessee woman had a loaded handgun hidden in her vagina when she was brought into jail yesterday afternoon following a collar for driving with a suspended license, police report.

As Dallas Archer was being booked into the Kingsport jail, a female corrections officer alerted to an “unknown object” in the teenager’s crotch during a search.

The jailer and a female cop then accompanied Archer to a bathroom for further examination, a review that led to the recovery of a “North American Arms 22 LR revolver (loaded) which Ms. Dallas had concealed in her vagina,” according to a Kingsport Police Department report.

A subsequent check revealed that the five-shot mini-revolver–which is four inches in length–had been “stolen from an auto burglary in 2013.” The handgun, which police valued at $250, is owned by John Souther, a 70-year-old retired car salesman.

-Dewan Gibson

Whoopi Goldberg’s Weed Blog

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Weed is legal in Colorado, duh, and Whoopi Goldberg is contributing to The Cannabist, a marijuana interest site ran by The Denver Post. In her first post, Whoopi writes of her vape pen the way ‘Pac wrote of his gun in “Me and My Girlfriend.” Fair comparison, I guess. From The Cannabist:

My vape pen and I maintain a mostly private relationship. Sure, I’ll sometimes show my pen to a friend or share her with a close confidant. But mostly it’s just she and I working through my pain. And her ability to help me live comfortably with glaucoma makes her one of the more important figures in my day to day.

When I show her to a friend, the reaction 99 percent of the time is: “Holy shit, where did you get this and how can I get me one?” They’re seriously that blown away by my vape pen. And they should be. She’s that amazing…

The vape pen has changed my life. No, I’m not exaggerating. In fact, her name is Sippy. Yes, she’s a she. And yes, I named her Sippy because I take tiny, little sips — sassy sips, even — from her. And with each sip comes relief — from pressure, pain, stress, discomfort. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

-Dewan Gibson

TGI Fridays Serves Drinks Made From Rubbing Alcohol

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Kind-of-old news (from May of 2013), but TGI Fridays and other New Jersey area bars have been caught trying to pass dirty water and rubbing alcohol off as top shelf liquor. Shady! Still, if you were trying to ball out at your local TGI Fridays the joke was already on you.

The bars, which include 13 TGI Fridays, have been accused of using cheap liquor, dirty water and rubbing alcohol instead of premium booze customers ordered, AP reports. Police confiscated 1,000 open bottles of vodka, gin, rum, scotch, whiskey and tequila from the wells of the bars, according to a statement from the New Jersey Attorney General’s Office…

The police learned of the illegal sales thanks to confidential informants, customer complaints and sample tests recovered by undercover police officers. The samples were tested using the True Spirit Authenticator — a device that can quickly analyze what’s inside an alcoholic drink. Any samples that were flagged were sent to the drink manufacturers’ labs for further testing, The Record reports (International Business Times).

-Dewan Gibson

Man Fires 13 Shots Into Strip Club After Being Told Not To Put Hands In Underwear

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Going to a strip club is sort of like posing for a picture, you just don’t know what to do with your hands. I suppose the shooter could have thrown up his middle finger, as the insecure do in photos, but even that would have gotten him kicked out. So he went for the grand prize. Makes sense. From Raw Story:

The Gaston Gazette reported that 33-year-old Mario Chavez had been arrested early Friday after firing more than a dozen bullets into the Leather and Lace strip club…

At some point, one of the dancers accused the suspect of touching her inappropriately, and he was asked to leave. According to police, Chavez had tried reach inside one of the dancer’s underwear, and had slapped her on the hip.

“He told the bouncer that he’d done apologized to me and the bouncer told him that I’d done gave him a warning and he was going to have to leave,” the dancer, who wished to remain anonymous, told the Gaston Gazette.

That’s when Chavez allegedly walked to his truck, picked up a .40-caliber Beretta handgun and began firing at the building. Police reports said that Chavez ran out of ammunition or the gun jammed, so he went back to his truck for a 9 mm Taurus handgun, and fired at least seven more shots at the nightclub. Two more shots were reportedly fired as Chavez drove away.

None of the 18 people who were in the building at the time were injured.
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Gas Station Owner Has Message For Customers Who Sag

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I suppose the gas station’s owner could be a bit more politically correct, but he’s not expressing anything different than what The Great Fleece “Booty Warrior” Johnson said on “Lock Up” years ago. But of course fools don’t want to listen until their outhouse gets corrupted.

-Dewan Gibson

Man Threatens Suicide From Bridge, Crowd Takes Selfies

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You do what you have to do to get likes and retweets. So much competition in these online streets. But let’s give this story a day or two to clear up, it actually might be a Samsung ad. From the LAist:

When the 105 Freeway in Paramount was closed on Thursday evening because a man was contemplating a suicide attempt on an overpass, some Angelenos who were stuck on the road thought it would be the perfect time to take selfies.

Authorities received calls around 5:30 p.m. from drivers that there was a man threatening to commit suicide on the overpass, according to the L.A. Times. The CHP shut down the 105 Freeway from both directions starting at 6:30 p.m. and reopened it at 9:30 p.m. when they managed to convince the man to not jump, reported the Press-Telegram.

(Note: You can see the man sitting on the bridge fence, to the left of the red truck)
samdawg1 instagram

-Dewan Gibson

Man Finds Girth Deficient Dildo Inside Fish

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He speculated that the machine, which still had a small motor at one end, had been tossed off a boat, perhaps by “a frustrated woman on a cruise” in the Barents Sea. (The Local).

-Dewan Gibson

Cleveland’s Hero, Charles ‘Sho Nuff’ Ramsey, Releases Book

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Charles Ramsey was supposed to come out with a Halloween mask, but I guess he shelved that project for his upcoming memoir, due out next month. Fifteen bucks is a bit steep for me right now, but if ever releases a self-narrated audiobook with a bonus chapter that explains his hair relaxer gone wrong, I’m on it.

In this book Ramsey walks us step-by-step through the day of the rescue and talks about living next door to Ariel Castro—outwardly charming, secretly a monster.

He tells about life before the rescue—growing up a privileged black kid in a white suburb; seeking out trouble over and over; getting kicked out of high school, two colleges, and the army; selling drugs; going to prison; and ultimately finding work as a dishwasher and landing by chance on gritty Seymour Avenue.

And he shares what it’s like to become an instant celebrity, when suddenly everybody wants a piece of you. (For example, he learned the hard way that when a big TV network flies you to New York City for an interview, that doesn’t mean they also bought you a ticket back home to Cleveland!)

-Dewan Gibson

Thug Wearing ‘Drunk As Shit’ T-Shirt Arrested For Drunk Driving

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I’m guessing this is the sort of foolishness Nick Cannon raps about on his new “hit” CD, White People Party Music. Dude was wasted and his girlfriend didn’t want him to drive so he gave her a throat massage and took the keys. Police arrested him, though charges can be dropped if he pleads affluenza.

An Oregon motorist wearing a “Drunk As Shit” t-shirt was arrested Sunday night on a DUI charge. Ross McMakin, a 21-year-old Corvalis resident, was collared after he drove his vehicle on the sidewalk, struck a parked car, and then assaulted his girlfriend when she tried to seize the car keys…

McMakin was charged with an assortment of crimes, including drunk driving, reckless endangerment, harassment, and strangulation (The Smoking Gun).

-Dewan Gibson

Pastor To Women: ‘Shine It Up’ Before ‘Hoes’ Take Your Man

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Pastor Andy Thompson sounds like another pastor/entertainer trying to increase his profile and bank account with controversial statements. Anyone with sense or a genuine interest in saving marriage would address men. We’re the ones, more often than not, who tend to do wild shit that can ruin a marriage, like cheat within a 60 mile radius of home. And a woman’s ability to “shine it up” usually has nothing to do with that. Did Halle Berry shine it up in her fifty or so failed relationships? How about Jennifer Lopez? That ass still looks mighty shiny to me.

What the pastor’s trying to do is go into a prevent defense for his own marriage. He probably has some side snatch lined up and wants to give himself cover in case his trollop can’t keep quiet. I’ll give him about a year or two before he’s like, “Honey, I told you to watch those hoes!” Somebody call the IRS to audit this clown.

-Dewan Gibson