Man Fires 13 Shots Into Strip Club After Being Told Not To Put Hands In Underwear

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Going to a strip club is sort of like posing for a picture, you just don’t know what to do with your hands. I suppose the shooter could have thrown up his middle finger, as the insecure do in photos, but even that would have gotten him kicked out. So he went for the grand prize. Makes sense. From Raw Story:

The Gaston Gazette reported that 33-year-old Mario Chavez had been arrested early Friday after firing more than a dozen bullets into the Leather and Lace strip club…

At some point, one of the dancers accused the suspect of touching her inappropriately, and he was asked to leave. According to police, Chavez had tried reach inside one of the dancer’s underwear, and had slapped her on the hip.

“He told the bouncer that he’d done apologized to me and the bouncer told him that I’d done gave him a warning and he was going to have to leave,” the dancer, who wished to remain anonymous, told the Gaston Gazette.

That’s when Chavez allegedly walked to his truck, picked up a .40-caliber Beretta handgun and began firing at the building. Police reports said that Chavez ran out of ammunition or the gun jammed, so he went back to his truck for a 9 mm Taurus handgun, and fired at least seven more shots at the nightclub. Two more shots were reportedly fired as Chavez drove away.

None of the 18 people who were in the building at the time were injured.
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Gas Station Owner Has Message For Customers Who Sag

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I suppose the gas station’s owner could be a bit more politically correct, but he’s not expressing anything different than what The Great Fleece “Booty Warrior” Johnson said on “Lock Up” years ago. But of course fools don’t want to listen until their outhouse gets corrupted.

-Dewan Gibson

Man Threatens Suicide From Bridge, Crowd Takes Selfies

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You do what you have to do to get likes and retweets. So much competition in these online streets. But let’s give this story a day or two to clear up, it actually might be a Samsung ad. From the LAist:

When the 105 Freeway in Paramount was closed on Thursday evening because a man was contemplating a suicide attempt on an overpass, some Angelenos who were stuck on the road thought it would be the perfect time to take selfies.

Authorities received calls around 5:30 p.m. from drivers that there was a man threatening to commit suicide on the overpass, according to the L.A. Times. The CHP shut down the 105 Freeway from both directions starting at 6:30 p.m. and reopened it at 9:30 p.m. when they managed to convince the man to not jump, reported the Press-Telegram.

(Note: You can see the man sitting on the bridge fence, to the left of the red truck)
samdawg1 instagram

-Dewan Gibson

Man Finds Girth Deficient Dildo Inside Fish

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He speculated that the machine, which still had a small motor at one end, had been tossed off a boat, perhaps by “a frustrated woman on a cruise” in the Barents Sea. (The Local).

-Dewan Gibson

Cleveland’s Hero, Charles ‘Sho Nuff’ Ramsey, Releases Book

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Charles Ramsey was supposed to come out with a Halloween mask, but I guess he shelved that project for his upcoming memoir, due out next month. Fifteen bucks is a bit steep for me right now, but if ever releases a self-narrated audiobook with a bonus chapter that explains his hair relaxer gone wrong, I’m on it.

In this book Ramsey walks us step-by-step through the day of the rescue and talks about living next door to Ariel Castro—outwardly charming, secretly a monster.

He tells about life before the rescue—growing up a privileged black kid in a white suburb; seeking out trouble over and over; getting kicked out of high school, two colleges, and the army; selling drugs; going to prison; and ultimately finding work as a dishwasher and landing by chance on gritty Seymour Avenue.

And he shares what it’s like to become an instant celebrity, when suddenly everybody wants a piece of you. (For example, he learned the hard way that when a big TV network flies you to New York City for an interview, that doesn’t mean they also bought you a ticket back home to Cleveland!)

-Dewan Gibson

Thug Wearing ‘Drunk As Shit’ T-Shirt Arrested For Drunk Driving

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I’m guessing this is the sort of foolishness Nick Cannon raps about on his new “hit” CD, White People Party Music. Dude was wasted and his girlfriend didn’t want him to drive so he gave her a throat massage and took the keys. Police arrested him, though charges can be dropped if he pleads affluenza.

An Oregon motorist wearing a “Drunk As Shit” t-shirt was arrested Sunday night on a DUI charge. Ross McMakin, a 21-year-old Corvalis resident, was collared after he drove his vehicle on the sidewalk, struck a parked car, and then assaulted his girlfriend when she tried to seize the car keys…

McMakin was charged with an assortment of crimes, including drunk driving, reckless endangerment, harassment, and strangulation (The Smoking Gun).

-Dewan Gibson

Pastor To Women: ‘Shine It Up’ Before ‘Hoes’ Take Your Man

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Pastor Andy Thompson sounds like another pastor/entertainer trying to increase his profile and bank account with controversial statements. Anyone with sense or a genuine interest in saving marriage would address men. We’re the ones, more often than not, who tend to do wild shit that can ruin a marriage, like cheat within a 60 mile radius of home. And a woman’s ability to “shine it up” usually has nothing to do with that. Did Halle Berry shine it up in her fifty or so failed relationships? How about Jennifer Lopez? That ass still looks mighty shiny to me.

What the pastor’s trying to do is go into a prevent defense for his own marriage. He probably has some side snatch lined up and wants to give himself cover in case his trollop can’t keep quiet. I’ll give him about a year or two before he’s like, “Honey, I told you to watch those hoes!” Somebody call the IRS to audit this clown.

-Dewan Gibson

Man Finds Gigantic Gangsta Rat In His Kitchen

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A Swedish man found this foot-long gangsta rat in his kitchen, which was probably a lot dirtier before the freak of nature ate all the mess. Apparently the rat scared his cat and relaxed under the table like he owned it. Man, he’s thick, too, about the size of a Jersey Mike’s sub (The Local).

-Dewan Gibson

British Airways Runs ‘Discover The Indian Ocean’ Ad

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Even a flight to Cleveland is slightly more appealing.

-Dewan Gibson

Judge Joe Brown Shows Crazy Eyes After Arrest

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Judge Joe Brown is known for preaching the importance of personal conduct and behavior to the minions that enter his TV courtroom, especially to young black men. Sort of like what Bill Cosby does when he’s not hanging out with Rick Ross and putting ruthies in chicks’ drinks. Sorry Cos, 14 women ain’t lying. Anyhow, the good judge was arrested for contempt of court today. He had an outburst in a (real) courtroom and challenged the judge’s authority to rule on a child support case that he was lawyering. Said the judge in charge of the (real) court, “He darn near caused a riot in the courtroom, he had people so inflamed.” (ABC News)

-Dewan Gibson