Man Arrested For Rubbing Pepperoni Against His Sausage
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News
Hipster beard or just a perv with a thing for phallic objects? I’ll go with the latter, but only because he got caught. From the Gothamist:
Police have arrested a 41-year-old upstate man who allegedly rubbed a packaged stick of pepperoni on his exposed penis…Potsdam resident John Allison was caught on surveillance camera at a local Hannaford store fondling the pepperoni. After he rubbed his person on the pepperoni, he put it back on the shelf. Allison has been charged with public lewdness; he was also charged with fourth-degree criminal mischief because Hannaford is unable to sell the pepperoni.
-Dewan Gibson
This Was A Really Big Week For Crack Cocaine
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News
Conservative Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was seen in a cell phone video smoking crack with a group of guys who look crackish or just Somali, or maybe both. Relax, he’s a man of the people. From the Toronto Star:
A cellphone video that appears to show Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack cocaine is being shopped around Toronto by a group of Somali men involved in the drug trade.
Two Toronto Star reporters have viewed the video three times. It appears to show Ford in a room, sitting in a chair, wearing a white shirt, top buttons open, inhaling from what appears to be a glass crack pipe. Ford is incoherent, trading jibes with an off-camera speaker who goads the clearly impaired mayor by raising topics including Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau and the Don Bosco high school football team Ford coaches.
“I’m f—ing right-wing,” Ford appears to mutter at one point. “Everyone expects me to be right-wing. I’m just supposed to be this great.…” and his voice trails off. At another point he is heard calling Trudeau a “fag.” Later in the 90-second video he is asked about the football team and he appears to say (though he is mumbling), “they are just f—ing minorities.”
And in nearby Detroit a tire shop is accused of paying employees with crack rocks, which sounds terrible but is actually far better than minimum wage. Plus if you’re high on crack you won’t mind working at a tire shop. Man, I bet a crackhead can change your tires fast as hell, like they do in Nascar races. From the RT:
A tire shop in Detroit, Michigan is in trouble with the law for allegedly compensating employees with crack rocks instead of paychecks.
Detroit’s WDIV News reported this week that a federal probe into an apparent counterfeiting scheme at Big C’s Tire Shop in the city’s Morningside neighborhood led investigators to discover a slew of other crimes.
“Word on the street was the ‘C’ stood for ‘crack cocaine,’” WDIV’s Kevin Dietz reported.
Investigators approached Christopher Townes of Detroit last year in an attempt to learn more about a counterfeiting scheme he was thought to be involved with. According to an Associated Press report from November, Townes admitted to investigators that he paid people to make copies of their legitimate United State Postal Service paychecks as part of an elaborate scheme that stole upwards of $140,000 from the federal government.
Townes also told them about his unusual payment plan he worked out for the employees of Big C.
According to court papers obtained by WDIV, Townes owned up to paying employees with crack during an interview that led to the filing of counterfeiting charges…
“When asked about the drug packaging material that was discovered in his office, Townes stated that he would buy drugs to pay people to do work for him. His examples were that in return for mowing the grass or stacking the tires, Townes would pay the people in crack cocaine,” the court papers read.
-Dewan Gibson
Man Cross-Dressed To Get Bathroom Footage Of Women
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News
I understand that there’s nothing like seeing a woman’s massive, jiggly thighs engulf a toilet seat, as long as she’s not dropping a question mark, but damn…not in the dirty ass Macy’s bathrooms. Gotta go to Bloomingdale’s or Nordstrom’s. In fact, it’s worth leaving your home just to use their bathrooms. Anyway, he’s guilty as charged on account of his eyes. From the LAist:
Authorities have arrested a man they say dressed up as a woman and hid in a department store bathroom to videotape ladies using the facilities.
Customers reached out to security officers working for Macy’s to complain that there was a man “acting suspiciously” in the ladies room. In turn, the security officers contacted the Palmdale Sheriff’s Station to report the complaints.
A deputy patrolling the parking lot of the mall spotted an individual matching the suspect’s description, including that the man was wearing a wig and dress. The suspect, later identified as 33-year-old Jason Pomare, tried to hide in a storage area when he was approached by the deputy.
Investigators learned Pomare had allegedly donned the getup from bra to dress to the wig, and had been hiding in the restroom with a video camera stashed in a paper bag, and had been using the camera to record the women using the restroom.
-Dewan Gibson
Car Thief Blames Big Rig Crash On Zombie Chase
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News
Dude kind of looks like Booger from “Revenge of the Nerds.” That might not serve him well in prison. From UT San Diego:
The Tennessee man who stole a big rig and then crashed it, causing chain-reaction crashes on Interstate 15 that left numerous people injured, pleaded guilty Monday to charges of assault with a deadly weapon, hit and run causing death or injury, and vehicle theft.
The man, Jerimiah Clyde Hartline, told authorities he drove erratically, swerving the rig back and forth, to shake off zombies that he feared were clinging to the side of the strawberry-laden trailer.
Hartline, 29, accepted a plea deal offered by the Riverside County District Attorney’s Office to plead guilty to the three counts and one allegation of causing great bodily injury, court records show. In exchange, prosecutors dismissed four other charges, including reckless driving with injury.
-Dewan Gibson
Rich Moms Pay Handicap Kids To Stand In Line At Disney
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News
No lie, I’d pretend to be a kid with a gimp leg if a rich mom paid me $130 an hour to help her family get “VIP” access at Disney World. Actually I’d do it for a lot less than that if they also bought me one of those giant turkey legs and a bag of cotton candy. From the New York Post:
Some wealthy Manhattan moms have figured out a way to cut the long lines at Disney World — by hiring disabled people to pose as family members so they and their kids can jump to the front, The Post has learned.
The “black-market Disney guides” run $130 an hour, or $1,040 for an eight-hour day.
“My daughter waited one minute to get on ‘It’s a Small World’ — the other kids had to wait 2 1/2 hours,” crowed one mom, who hired a disabled guide through Dream Tours Florida.
“You can’t go to Disney without a tour concierge,’’ she sniffed. “This is how the 1 percent does Disney.”
The woman said she hired a Dream Tours guide to escort her, her husband and their 1-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter through the park in a motorized scooter with a “handicapped” sign on it. The group was sent straight to an auxiliary entrance at the front of each attraction.
Disney allows each guest who needs a wheelchair or motorized scooter to bring up to six guests to a “more convenient entrance.”
The Florida entertainment mecca warns that there “may be a waiting period before boarding.” But the consensus among upper-crust moms who have used the illicit handicap tactic is that the trick is well worth the cost.
-Dewan Gibson
Illegal For Muslims In The U.S. To Own Pressure Cookers?
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News, Politics
Come on, man. He was just trying to cook a halal pot roast. Now watch the Feds hold him indefinitely and without charges in Guantanamo Bay (or a secret prison) where he’ll be tortured or join a hunger strike to bring attention to human rights violation by the American government. From The Star:
A Saudi man arrested at Detroit Metropolitan Airport after federal agents said he lied about why he was travelling with a pressure cooker is due in court.
Hussain Al Khawahir is scheduled to appear Tuesday in U.S. District Court in Detroit for a hearing to determine whether he will be released on bond or detained.
Al Khawahir was arrested Saturday on allegations of lying to agents and using a passport with a missing page. His nephew, Nasser Almarzooq, told The Associated Press Monday the case was a misunderstanding about the device he wanted for cooking.
“If I wanted to do something stupid like this, should I just take my uncle from Saudi Arabia to buy me a pressure cooker?” he said. “It’s legal here.”
-Dewan Gibson
O.J. Simpson Got A Tan, Gained Some Weight In Prison
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News
O.J. Simpson got shafted by a Nevada judge and jury a few years ago and is now trying to get those convictions overturned. The Guardian has a good description of his last trial (see below). For the most part, it was like an indirect form of double jeopardy. The Man doesn’t take kindly to hyper-melanin folks beating them at their own game.
He had come to Las Vegas that September of 2007 for a happy event. An old friend was getting married and invited Simpson to be his best man.
Simpson, trial testimony would show, organized a posse of five friends and acquaintances to accompany him to a hotel where he was told some men were trying to sell his mementos. It was to be a sting of sorts, in which the memorabilia dealers would think an anonymous buyer was coming.
When Simpson walked into the hotel room, he realized he knew the sellers from previous dealings and he accused them of stealing from him. He shouted that no one was to leave the room an action that would be judged to fit the legal definition of kidnapping. As Simpson’s guys began bagging up the memorabilia, one of them pulled a gun, according to trial testimony.
No one was injured, but the sellers called the police.
Simpson was sentenced by Clark County district court judge Jackie Glass to nine to 33 years in prison. Referencing the earlier murder trial, the judge said that her penalty was not intended as “retribution or any payback for anything else”. She made no mention of the two Las Vegas police detectives overheard in a taped conversation saying that if California authorities couldn’t “get” Simpson, those in Nevada would.
-Dewan Gibson
Mother Of Accused Backpage Pimp: ‘He’s A Ladies Man’
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News
This is the sex trade version of “He just got involved with the wrong crowd.” No! He is the wrong crowd. From the Gothamist:
An East Harlem man has been arrested and accused of forcing three women, including a teen, into prostitution. Taye Ellerby, 35, is accused of holding a 24-year old woman, a 21-year-old woman, and a missing 17-year-old from Connecticut, in a home in the Taft Houses on Madison Ave. near E. 112th Street. “He had [the girls] lined up sitting on the couch,” neighbor Jeanette Martinez told the News. “High-class white men would come and pick one out. But when the girls did something wrong, you could hear them screaming”…That source added that he was advertising the women on Backpage.com and was clearing $300 a day on each one.
Ellerby has been charged with sex trafficking, promoting prostitution, and endangering the welfare of a child. But his mother defended him, saying he had lots of girlfriends (he has six children by five women) and wasn’t a pimp: “How could he be holding them against their will if they can come and go?” asked his mom, Theresa. “He’s a ladies man.”
-Dewan Gibson
Gun Rights Group To Give Away Shotguns In 15 Cities
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News
The Armed Citizen Project is already giving away shotguns in Houston and Tucson. No word on which other cities will have access to free guns, but if your local Subway sandwich shop has bulletproof glass blocking customers from the “sandwich artist” you’ll probably qualify. (Note: The picture above is from the Armed Citizen Project’s Facebook page. However, you need not be obese to participate in the program.) From NBC News:
The Armed Citizen Project, a nonprofit group that arms residents living in high-crime cities, reportedly hopes to put shotguns in the hands of residents living in Chicago.
The group is currently arming residents in the Houston and Tuscon areas, but made headlines after the National Rifle Association’s convention in Houston this weekend when they announced hoped for expansion into more than 15 cities, including Chicago, according to DNAinfo.com.
The group’s mission is to arm law-abiding citizens and train them in safety, legal, and tactical measures, according to ACP’s website. All participants who to receive a weapon and take the training program will receive a shotgun, for free.
-Dewan Gibson
Women Fight On Subway, One Forgets To Throw Punches
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under News
The idea is to hit her back. Even better, get her while she’s changing into an outfit more appropriate for ass kicking.
-Dewan Gibson
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