Doc: Emo Hairdo Causes Lazy Eye, Romney Feels Validated
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Health, Politics
There was a kid at Mitt Romney’s high school who had a little sugar in his tank. He expressed by himself by bleaching his hair blond and draping it over one eye, which wasn’t accepted at the time because Prince’s band The Revolution was not around. Romney, giving an early indication of how he’ll handle rogue foreign leaders, gathered a group of future one-percenters to hold the kid down and cut his hair. According to the Washington Post, “They came upon Lauber (the kid), tackled him and pinned him to the ground. As Lauber, his eyes filling with tears, screamed for help, Romney repeatedly clipped his hair with a pair of scissors.”
Now, less than a week after Romney’s bullying story hit the news, the Optometrists Association of Australia is reminding people that the hairstyle worn by Romney’s target can be hazardous to one’s health, and not just when around Mormon Republicans of privilege. Executive member Andrew Hogan is quoted as saying, ”If a young emo chap has a fringe covering one eye all the time, that eye won’t see a lot of detail. And if it happens from a young age, that eye can become amblyotic.”
In common terms, the “emo” haircut can cause lazy eye. But maybe some kids wear their hair like that to cover a lazy eye. I remember Aaliyah did that. But I’m also thinking constantly having to flick your hair back will cause problems too. Namely headaches, dizziness, or maybe even Stevie Wonder neck. Whatever that case don’t wear that sh*t around Republicans.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Usher & His Luster Curls Perform ‘Climax’ on SNL
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Hip-Hop
If you have a social life outside of your living room you might have missed Usher’s perform on “Saturday Night Live.” He sang the hell out of “Climax” and debuted a new S-curl/natural/bro-hawk hybrid. What’s cool is that it sparkles without being too greasy and only causes minimal forehead shine. Still, if a girl were to rub her fingers through his hair she’d have a sufficient amount of residue left on her hands to deashinate the hard-to-moisturize areas around the ankles and Achilles tendons, which is great. I wonder if Justin Bieber can match that!
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
70-Year-Old Virgin Realizes Purity Doesn’t Feel Good
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Relationships
Pam Shaw is a 70-year-old former singer from England. She planned to wait until marriage to have sex, but Mr. Right never showed and eventually died off. Now that her hands are too tired to correctly aim a shower head she’s searching for a man to take her virginity.
Ms. Shaw says, “”But now’s the time – I’m ready to take the plunge for the right bloke. My standards are still very high. I’m hoping to bag a millionaire with tall, dark and handsome good looks.”
That’s just so heartwarming. Hopefully she practices safe sex and uses a defibrillator. Nonetheless, it’s pretty cool that the only morning after pill she’ll need to take is her cholesterol medication.
The Sharpest Image Of Planet Earth Ever Taken
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Technology
This photo of earth (also referred to as “earf” by speakers of African American Vernacular English) was taken by a Russian satellite at a resolution of 121 million megapixels, which is much stronger than the camera on your iPhone. The most important mass of land on earth, known as ‘Merica, is not shown because Russian dictator Vladimir Putin is a hater who needs to work on his flabby pecs. But if it were pictured it would bear the marks of Big Oil and big people.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Hit With A Two Piece: Nike To Release Manny Pacquiao Shoes
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Fashion, Sports
Nike is set to release two new Manny Pacquiao shoes in advance of his June 9 fight against some guy not named Floyd Mayweather. The first is a Nike Nike Air Trainer 1.3 with a performance enhancing Air Max unit. The sole features an image of Manny looking as he does when he’s asked to take an Olympic-style drug test. The second (pictured below) is a Nike Lunar Vapor Trainer, which looks extremely average for such a well-known athlete. Both will be released May 18 and cost from $100 (the Lunar) to $170 (Air Trainer). If you can afford them you must be a member of the Money Team.
21-Year-Old Gets Circumcised, Doctor Has Terrible Aim
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Health, Relationships
There are many reasons for adult circumcision; the procedure can reduce the risk of penile cancer and sexual transmitted diseases. Plus it can stop your schlong from looking like an anteater’s snout. But a 21-year-old in Tianjin, China had the procedure for another reason: His wife asked him to have it done before their wedding day.
Unfortunately the operation didn’t go well. Actually it couldn’t have went any worse. Horace Lu of the “Shangaiist” writes, “Immediately following operation on November 11, 2011, Xiaohe said he felt a sharp pain in his penis the day after, and his penis began to swell, eventually turning red, and then black as the cells and tissues in his penis began to die. Doctors at various hospitals were unable to save Xiaohe’s penis and the decision to amputate his penis was made on December 21, 2011.”
The man tried to sue, but the courts dismissed his lawsuit because he was below the legal marriage age of 22. This is yet another example of why China is not the world’s next superpower.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Time Magazine Sets Up Kid To Be Bullied In A Few Years
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Babies, Humor
Time magazine’s new issue features a three-year-old, who actually looks about 10, suckling his mom. The cover story is about attachment parenting, which involves keeping your child as close to you as possible for as long as possible. This may include breastfeeding him well past his first birthday, in some cases even until he can say “Mom, let me get some of that titty.”
Attachment parenting was championed by Dr. Bill Sears in his 1992 bestseller, “The Baby Book.” The concept might have also been featured in the popular website and humor book, “Stuff White People Like.” The parenting style is supposed to result in a child who’s empathetic and able to socially connect to people as an adult. But if a family who practices attachment parenting is featured on the cover of a magazine with a circulation of three million it can also result in the child having his ass kicked from the day he starts school (by a bully like Mitt Romney).
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
Sean Penn Stars In What Looks Like The Jewish ‘Scarface’
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Hip-Hop
“Gangster Squad” is the upcoming film about Mickey Cohen, a 1940′s era member of the Jewish Mafia and diminutive gangster who ran Los Angeles long before Snoop Dogg and the Crips. From the trailer he looks angry and ultra-aggressive, sort of like the Israeli Defense Forces. Ryan Gosling’s in it too, though he’s not wearing the satin scorpion jacket from “Drive.” Here’s the films much too long description:
Los Angeles, 1949. Ruthless, Brooklyn-born mob king Mickey Cohen (Sean Penn) runs the show in this town, reaping the ill-gotten gains from the drugs, the guns, the prostitutes and–if he has his way–every wire bet placed west of Chicago. And he does it all with the protection of not only his own paid goons, but also the police and the politicians who are under his control. It’s enough to intimidate even the bravest, street-hardened cop…except, perhaps, for the small, secret crew of LAPD outsiders led by Sgt. John O’Mara (Josh Brolin) and Jerry Wooters (Ryan Gosling), who come together to try to tear Cohen’s world apart. “Gangster Squad” is a colorful retelling of events surrounding the LAPD’s efforts to take back their nascent city from one of the most dangerous mafia bosses of all time.
Ah, too much reading…just watch the damn trailer.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
President Obama ‘Comes Out’ To Support Same-Sex Marriage
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Politics
A day after North Carolina showed its southern hospitality by reaffirming its stance that gays and lesbian are second-class citizens, President Obama came out in support of same-sex marriage. During an interview with Robin Roberts that’s set to air tomorrow on ABC’s “Nightline” the president said he had “concluded that for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same sex couples should be able to get married.”
This isn’t a complete surprise. In his 2006 book “The Audacity of Hope” Obama wrote:
“It is my obligation, not only as an elected official in a pluralistic society but also as a Christian, to remain open to the possibility that my unwillingness to support gay marriage is misguided…and that in years hence I may be seen as someone who was on the wrong side of history.”
However, I thought he’d wait until after the election to appease notoriously homophobic black evangelicals. Welcome to the right side of history.
NOTE: Click here for a list of gays and lesbians serving in the Obama administration as of 2009 (not including Vice President Joe Biden who’s just touchy feely when drunk).
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
New App Erases ‘Sexting’ Pictures After They Are Opened
Posted by Dewan Gibson | Filed under Relationships, Technology
Snapchat is an iPhone app that allows users to send pictures that will self-destruct within 10 seconds of opening. The user is also sent an alert if the recipient tries to take a screenshot of the image, but there’s nothing to stop him from quickly saying “Dude! Look!” as he and his friends laugh at your attempt to make a sexy face (head titled, bedroom eyes, lips poked out, mirror acting as pornographic film director). Snapchat makes no guarantee that every photo will be erased, which is the same guarantee guys give after they dump you.
Dewan Gibson: The Imperfect Blog
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